Dean Cothill

Author: dc0th1ll

  • Why is it important to slow down in our daily lives?

    Why is it important to slow down in our daily lives?

    Hey hey! Have you ever noticed how the sound of your phone pinging can make you feel? Well, I recently found out that I have stress and anxiety-induced clinical depression. Fun, right? But one thing that has really helped me is turning off all notifications on my phone. They can make me feel so rushed, like I have to be somewhere all the time. It’s overwhelming and can contribute to my anxiety.

    It’s funny how something as small as phone notifications can have such a big impact on our mood and overall well-being. But it’s true. We live in a world where we’re constantly connected, and it can be tough to disconnect and give ourselves a break. But it’s important to do so, especially if you’re struggling with stress or anxiety.

    So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the constant pinging of your phone, consider turning off those notifications. Take some time for yourself and give your mind a break. It might just make a huge difference in how you feel.

    In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives. Faster internet, faster food, faster cars, faster deliveries, getting to and from faster is what’s more important and just merely fast fast fast! We’re constantly bombarded with stimuli – notifications on our phones, emails, social media updates, and the never-ending to-do lists that seem to pile up. It can feel like we’re constantly running on a hamster wheel, trying to keep up with everything that’s going on around us.

    But here’s the thing: it’s more important than ever before to slow down and take a step back. Here’s why.

    First and foremost, slowing down can help us be more productive. When we’re constantly rushing from one task to the next, it’s easy to make mistakes or overlook important details. By taking the time to slow down and focus on one thing at a time, we can actually be more efficient and get more done.

    In addition to being more productive, slowing down can also help us be more present and mindful. When we’re moving at a million miles an hour, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts and miss out on what’s happening in the present moment. By slowing down, we can be more aware of our surroundings and the people around us, which can help us form deeper connections and appreciate the beauty in life’s little moments.

    Slowing down can have significant benefits for both our physical and mental well-being. When we are constantly on the go, our bodies and minds can become strained and overwhelmed, which can lead to a range of health issues such as high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, and even depression. However, by taking the time to slow down and relax, we allow our bodies and minds to rest and rejuvenate.

    Being constantly in a state of high stress can take a toll on our bodies. When we are under stress, our bodies produce hormones such as cortisol, which can have negative effects on our health. High levels of cortisol in the body have been linked to increased blood pressure, weight gain, and a higher risk of heart disease. Additionally, stress can affect our sleep patterns, leading to difficulty falling and staying asleep.

    Mental health is also impacted by the fast-paced nature of our modern lives. When we are constantly on the go, our minds can become overwhelmed, leading to feelings of anxiety and depression. Taking time to slow down and relax can help to reduce stress and improve mental health.

    By setting aside time to relax and unwind, we can give our bodies and minds the chance to rest and restore themselves. This can involve activities such as meditation, yoga, or simply taking a walk in nature. By taking the time to slow down and prioritize our own well-being, we can improve our overall emotional health.

    But perhaps the biggest reason to slow down is because it can help us find a sense of balance and happiness in our lives. When we’re always going at breakneck speed, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s truly important and what brings us joy. By slowing down, we can take the time to reflect on our values and priorities and make sure that we’re aligning our actions with what truly matters to us.

    So, how can you slow down in this fast-paced world? Here are a few tips:

    • Set aside some time each day to disconnect from technology and just be present. This could be as simple as taking a walk in nature or sitting in a quiet space and just taking some deep breaths.
    • Practice mindfulness meditation or other forms of mindfulness, such as journaling or coloring. These activities can help you focus on the present moment and find some peace and tranquility.
    • Make a conscious effort to simplify your life. This could mean decluttering your home, streamlining your schedule, or letting go of activities or obligations that don’t bring you joy.
    • Take breaks and give yourself permission to relax. It’s okay to take a break from work or other responsibilities and just do something that brings you joy.

    Slowing down might not come naturally in a world that values productivity and speed, but it’s so worth it. By taking the time to slow down and be more present, we can be more productive, healthier, and happier. So go ahead, take a deep breath, and remember to slow down once in a while. You’ll be glad you did.

    Take a deep breathe. Take a moment. Slow down a little. It’ll all be ok.

    Grace and peace

    Dean

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  • 7 moments to a better YOU

    7 moments to a better YOU

    Hello friends, I hope you’re well and that you’re building the life that you always dreamed of. Your dollhouse dreams, your fairytale ending, its all in you and I hope you find some of that today. Here are 7 simple ideas to hopefully keep us all on the right track to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

    • Make a commitment to yourself to improve every day.

    This means that you are dedicated to learning, self-improvement, and personal development on a daily basis. It’s about setting goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, even when it’s challenging. This can involve things like learning new skills, setting aside time for personal growth activities, or seeking out opportunities to challenge yourself and stretch your abilities. By making a commitment to grow daily, you are setting yourself up for long-term success and positioning yourself for continuous learning and improvement. It’s important to remember that growth and development are ongoing processes, and making a commitment to them means that you are willing to put in the time and effort to continuously improve and evolve as a person.

    • Don’t just focus on the end result, appreciate the journey and learning along the way.

    Point 2 is about valuing the process more than the outcome or end result. This means that you recognize that the journey and the learning along the way are just as important, if not more so, than the final destination. It’s about being present in the moment and enjoying the process of working towards a goal, rather than just focusing on the end result. This can involve things like embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than seeing them as failures. By valuing the process, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you are able to stay open to new opportunities and experiences that may arise along the way, rather than being too focused on a specific end result.

    • Don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started, just start now.

    Point 3 is about not waiting for inspiration or the perfect moment to get started on something. THERE IS NO PERFECT MOMENT! Lemme say this again, THERE IS NO MOMENT, THIS IS “IT”!

    This means that you recognize that inspiration and motivation can come and go, and that it’s important to just take action and get started, even when you don’t feel particularly inspired or motivated. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to take control of your own progress and move forward, rather than being held back by your own lack of motivation or inspiration. This can involve things like setting small, achievable goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, or breaking larger goals down into smaller steps and tackling them one at a time. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, even when you don’t feel particularly motivated. Additionally, by taking action and getting started, you may find that you become more inspired and motivated as you progress, which can help to keep you moving forward.

    • Be willing to give up short-term pleasure for long-term growth and success.

    Point 4 is about being willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure or comfort for long-term opportunity or growth. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to achieve your goals or reach your full potential, you may need to make sacrifices in the present.

    Having kids makes us see this, they have absolutely not patience to wait, and if we can just convince them to wait another week, its gonna be better and greater than they can imagine. Convincing my son Daniel to just wait a little longer, it’ll be worth it is half of raising him… This can involve things like giving up leisure time or activities that you enjoy in order to focus on your goals, or taking on additional responsibilities or challenges that may be uncomfortable or difficult in the short term but will ultimately help you to grow and develop in the long term. By being willing to make these sacrifices, you are able to focus on your priorities and stay committed to your goals, even when it’s not easy. It’s important to remember that these sacrifices are often temporary, and that by making them, you are positioning yourself for long-term success and growth.

    • Don’t be afraid to dream big and set high goals for yourself.

    Point 5 is about dreaming big and setting high goals for yourself. The classic, if your dreams don’t scare you, they NOT BIG ENOUGH! It means that you are not afraid to think big and aim high, and that you believe in your own ability to achieve your goals, no matter how ambitious they may be. By dreaming big, you are able to set your sights on what you really want to achieve in life, rather than settling for less. It’s important to remember that your goals don’t have to be realistic or achievable in the short term, but rather they should be something that inspires and motivates you to work towards them. By dreaming big and setting high goals, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by setting big goals for yourself, you are able to push yourself to reach your full potential and achieve things that you may not have thought possible.

    “Why would you want to settle for staring at the ceiling when you were meant to stare at the stars” – DC

    • Make a plan and prioritize your tasks to ensure you stay on track.

    This is ALL about planning your priorities and organizing your tasks in order to achieve your goals. This means that you take the time to think about what is most important to you and what needs to be done in order to achieve your goals. It involves creating a plan and organizing your tasks in a way that allows you to focus on your priorities and stay on track. This can involve things like making a to-do list, setting deadlines for yourself, or using tools and techniques like time management or goal setting to help you stay organized and focused. Here I try and think in 3 stages.

    • 2 weeks
    • 6 weeks
    • 12 weeks

    Here I can see what needs to happen by the end of next week and what the next 3 months looks like. We can’t do more than that… By planning your priorities and organizing your tasks, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, rather than getting overwhelmed or sidetracked by less important tasks. PLAN and be PROACTIVE rather than being UNPLANNED and REACTIVE all the time.

    “Urgent will always trump important in any environment” – DC

    And urgent just always seems to sneak up on us and our lives. It’s important to remember that this process is ongoing and that you will need to continuously review and adjust your plan as your priorities change or new challenges arise. But thats all on you, you run your calendar, you calendar does not run you!

    1. Be willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential.

    Point 7 is about being willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to grow and improve, you may need to let go of certain things that are holding you back. This can involve things like letting go of negative thoughts or beliefs that limit your potential, or letting go of relationships or situations that are no longer serving you. Are there some things that you’re still holding onto that you should have dropped years ago?Hurt or unforgiveness that are the loudest voices in your head?

    By being willing to let go, you are able to make room for new opportunities and experiences that will help you to grow and develop. It’s important to remember that letting go can be difficult, and that it may involve facing your fears or making difficult decisions. However, by being willing to let go, you are able to move forward and reach your full potential, rather than being held back by things that are no longer serving you.

    DC signing off

    Grace and peace friends,

    I hope you find what you’re looking for.

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  • Leadership according to Rob Bell (No Hell)

    Leadership according to Rob Bell (No Hell)

    Firstly. Like before you even go there, don’t. Rob Bell No Hell is completely taken out of context and his book Love Wins honestly changed my life, like its up there with C.S. Lewis and Mere Christianity.

    Love wins.

    Rob is well known for his belief that the truth can be found in any religion or worldview. In his book, he discusses the controversy surrounding the Christian belief in hell as eternal, conscious torment, and suggests that this belief is misguided and toxic. He does not explicitly endorse the idea of universal reconciliation, but does argue that it is fitting and proper for Christians to hope for it. The book has been met with both criticism and support from various figures within the evangelical community, with some accusing him of promoting uncertainty and others praising him for promoting important conversations about traditional interpretations of scripture. He also challenges the idea of “evacuation theology,” which focuses on individual salvation through getting to heaven, and instead argues that Jesus and the Jewish tradition prioritize the restoration and transformation of this world. Anyway, maybe more on that a little later… First.

    Who is Rob Bell?

    Robert Holmes Bell Jr. is a well-known American author, speaker, and former pastor. He founded Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, Michigan and served as its pastor until 2012. During his time as pastor, the church was one of the fastest-growing in the United States. Bell is the author of the bestselling book Love Wins and the creator of a series of spiritual films called NOOMA. In 2011, Time magazine included him on its list of the 100 Most Influential People in the World. After leaving Mars Hill, Bell became a freelance writer and speaker, giving talks and appearing on various shows about spirituality and leadership. He also hosts a popular podcast called The Robcast. In 2018, a documentary about Bell called The Heretic was released.

    Rob Bell and Leadership?

    Leadership is a complex and multifaceted concept that can take many different forms and styles. But I believe Rob has been a notable voice on the topic of leadership. Rob is known for his thought-provoking and insightful insights on a wide range of topics, including leadership, spirituality, and personal growth. In this essay, we will explore some of the key ideas and themes that Rob has written about when it comes to leadership, and how they can be applied in our own lives.

    First and foremost, Rob emphasizes the importance of authenticity in leadership. He argues that genuine and authentic leaders are those who are true to themselves and their values, and who are able to inspire and empower others by being a genuine and relatable role model. This means that leaders should not be afraid to be vulnerable and to admit when they are wrong or uncertain, as this is often what allows them to connect with others in a meaningful way.

    At the same time, Rob also stresses the importance of courage and resilience in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to take risks and face challenges head-on, even when it is difficult or uncomfortable to do so. This requires a level of inner strength and resilience that allows leaders to stay true to their values and convictions, even in the face of opposition or setbacks.

    Another key theme that Rob writes about when it comes to leadership is the idea of service. He argues that true leaders are those who are driven by a desire to help and serve others, rather than seeking power or personal gain. This means that leaders should be focused on finding ways to make a positive impact on the world around them, and should be willing to put the needs of others ahead of their own.

    Finally, Rob also emphasizes the importance of creativity and innovation in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to think outside the box and come up with new and innovative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives.

    Here is where I get really excited and know how key this is for what it means to navigate this new world we live in today, a world where the “real” meets the “unreal”.

    The final point that I made in this essay is that true leaders are those who are creative and innovative. This means that they are able to think outside the box and come up with new and creative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives. (See previous post where I talk about Bezelel and Moses)

    One of the key benefits of being a creative and innovative leader is that it allows you to stay ahead of the curve and anticipate challenges that may arise in the future. By constantly seeking out new and innovative approaches to problem-solving, you can stay one step ahead and be better prepared to tackle any obstacles that come your way.

    In addition, being a creative and innovative leader can also help you to inspire and motivate others. When people see their leaders taking a proactive and forward-thinking approach to problem-solving, it can give them the confidence and motivation to do the same. This can help to create a positive and energizing work environment, where everyone feels empowered to contribute their own ideas and take an active role in driving change.

    To be a creative and innovative leader, it is important to have an open and curious mind, and to be willing to try new things and take calculated risks. This may require stepping out of your comfort zone and being willing to challenge the status quo. However, the rewards of being a creative and innovative leader can be significant, both for you and for the people that you lead. By embracing this aspect of leadership, you can help to create a dynamic and forward-thinking culture that is able to adapt and thrive in an ever-changing world.

    Overall, the leadership style of Rob Bell is characterized by authenticity, courage, resilience, a focus on service, and a commitment to creativity and innovation. By embracing these qualities, we can all strive to be better leaders in our own lives, and make a positive impact on the world around us. So, we should always try to be a good leader and a role model for others.

    From little old me, Dean, in a small town in South Africa called PE, I wanna say thank you Rob. Love you man.

    Grace and Peace

    Dean

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  • I’ve always heard this saying, “It’s lonely at the top” or “leadership is lonely…”. But surely it doesn’t have to be that way…

    I’ve always heard this saying, “It’s lonely at the top” or “leadership is lonely…”. But surely it doesn’t have to be that way…

    Loneliness is haunting. Jesus talks more about friendship than he does loveliness. He talks more about friendship than he does what we wanna try and understand as “leadership”… Jesus said, follow me, let’s hang out, let’s be friends… Lemme GUIDE you (More on leadership as GUIDANCE coming soon)

    I recently read a book about the dangers of loneliness in leadership, and my response was something like “Duh!” Loneliness is one of the most dangerous things to happen to any leader. But what does it mean for a leader to be lonely?

    How a leader’s loneliness can affect the whole church

    The impacts of loneliness on you as a leader are not just personal. As the head of your organization, the way you feel and act can affect the whole church. Lonely leaders can be more susceptible to depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse, and even suicide. These things can affect the entire vision and direction of a ministry or organization. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:12 that “there is a way that seems right to a man but its end is death” (emphasis mine). This verse reminds us that there are consequences for sinning—including breaking God’s principles for leading well—which can lead to terrible consequences for those who follow along with those sins against God.

    How do you know if a leader is lonely or just aloof?

    You’ve probably seen aloof leaders before. They’re the ones who don’t listen, aren’t engaged and have a hard time collaborating with others. While this type of leader may seem like a total jerk, they can actually be lonely.

    Lonely leaders are more likely to behave in this way because they are disengaged from their team and have poor relationships with them. According to Lisa DeMarinis, author of “Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Leading Teams,” loneliness is “the sense that you don’t matter or count in the world.” These feelings can make people feel insecure about themselves, which leads them to act in ways that make others think they aren’t capable of leading effectively (like being aloof).

    How do you know if your own leadership style is lonely? It’s important to understand that loneliness can be both a cause and an effect of poor relationships. DeMarinis said that “being aloof isn’t the only way to lead, but it’s certainly one of them.”

    Where does a leader find a real friend?

    Church leaders should be friends with other church leaders.

    The loneliness of leadership will sometimes seep into your life, and you need someone to talk to that understands the unique stressors of being in ministry. You can’t expect your spouse or family to understand all that goes into leading people’s lives and having them respond positively or negatively because they don’t know what it’s like for you—they’ve never worked in ministry. Your best bet may be other pastors who are facing similar struggles and who know exactly what you’re going through because they’re experiencing it themselves!

    A real friend is one who knows your struggles, but doesn’t let them define you. We all have things in our past that we regret or wish we could change—things that may have happened years ago and are now just a memory. But for some reason, those memories tend to take on a life of their own and become more important than they should be.

    Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team.

    Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team. Lonely leaders are more likely to be stressed and anxious than their non-lonely counterparts, who in turn are more prone to depression, burnout and other forms of disengagement. The effect can go both ways: when you’re feeling isolated yourself, you may find it harder to relate to your employees.

    But being lonely doesn’t just affect your mood, it can also hurt your ability to make good decisions. According to studies by psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, loneliness increases bias and makes people more likely to rely on stereotypes when making judgments about others.

    Conclusion

    So, how do we fix this? First, we need to admit that it’s a problem—not just for individual leaders but for the church as a whole. I’m not saying that every pastor needs to have a best friend or that every church leader should be married (although those are good things!). But everyone needs someone they can truly count on and trust with their deepest fears and joys. Second, we need Christians who aren’t afraid of vulnerability themselves because they have experienced God’s love in such radical ways that they can pour out their hearts freely without worrying about being rejected or abandoned by others.

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  • What are some things that are preventing Church Growth at the moment and what could help? (Part 1 of 2)

    What are some things that are preventing Church Growth at the moment and what could help? (Part 1 of 2)

    There are many factors that can affect church growth. Here are nine potential issues that may be preventing church growth:

    1. Lack of a clear vision or mission: If a church doesn’t have a clear sense of its purpose or direction, it may be difficult to attract and retain members.
    2. Lack of outreach or evangelism: If a church is not actively reaching out to the community and sharing its message, it may struggle to attract new members.
    3. Poor communication: If a church is not effectively communicating with its members and the wider community, it may be difficult for people to understand and connect with its mission and vision.
    4. Limited resources: A church with limited resources may struggle to effectively minister to its members and attract new ones.
    5. Ineffective leadership: Poor leadership can demoralize church members and make it difficult for the church to move forward.
    6. Disunity among members: Disagreements and conflicts within a church can create a negative atmosphere and discourage people from joining or staying involved.
    7. Lack of relevance: If a church is not addressing the needs and concerns of its community, it may struggle to attract and retain members.
    8. Competition with other churches: In some areas, there may be a lot of competition among churches for members, which can make it difficult for any one church to grow.
    9. Negative reputation: If a church has a negative reputation in the community, it may be difficult to attract new members.

    Now here is where Creativity AND Innovation come in…

    But first a Bible story…

    For 3 points, who was the first person in the Bible to receive the Holy Spirit? It was a young man by the name of Bezelel. Bezalel possessed such great wisdom that he could combine those letters of the alphabet with which heaven and earth were created; this being the meaning of the statement (Exodus 31:3): “I have filled him … with wisdom and knowledge,” which were the implements by means of which God created the world, as stated in Proverbs 3:19, 20. By virtue of his profound wisdom, Bezalel succeeded in erecting a sanctuary which seemed a fit abiding-place for God, who is so exalted in time and space (Exodus R. 34:1; Numbers 12:3). The candlestick of the sanctuary was of so complicated a nature that Moses could not comprehend it, although God twice showed him a heavenly model; but when he described it to Bezalel, the latter understood immediately, and made it at once; whereupon Moses expressed his admiration for the quick wisdom of Bezalel, saying again that he must have been “in the shadow of God” (Hebrew, “beẓel El”) when the heavenly models were shown him (Numbers 15:10). Bezalel is said to have been at least thirteen years of age when he accomplished his great work (Sanhedrin 69b); he owed his wisdom to the merits of pious parents; his grandfather being Hur and his great-grandmother Miriam, he was thus a grandnephew of Moses (Exodus R. 48:3, 4).

    INNOVATION AND CREATIVITY. The same Spirit that was at the beginning of creation, is the same Spirit that is placed in Bezelel and is the same spirit that is in each of us. (RUACH-ELOHIM – if you’d like to Google a little)

    So what does this mean for church leadership?

    Innovation and creativity are important in church leadership for several reasons:

    1. To keep the church relevant and engaging: Innovative and creative approaches can help the church stay relevant and engaging in a rapidly changing world. This can help the church attract new members and keep current members engaged and invested in the church’s mission.
    2. To adapt to changing circumstances: Innovation and creativity can help the church adapt to changing circumstances, such as the challenges posed by the COVID-19 pandemic. This might include finding new ways to connect with members and deliver services, or developing new programs and initiatives to meet the needs of the community.
    3. To better serve the community: By thinking creatively and innovatively, church leaders can identify new ways to serve the community and meet the changing needs of those around them. This might include developing new outreach programs, partnering with other organizations, or finding new ways to address social issues.
    4. To foster spiritual growth: Creativity and innovation can help church leaders find new ways to engage and inspire members, which can lead to deeper spiritual growth and connection to the church.
    5. To attract new members: By embracing innovation and creativity, the church can become a more attractive and welcoming place for new members, particularly younger people who may be looking for a fresh, relevant approach to faith.
    6. To foster collaboration and teamwork: Innovation and creativity often involve collaboration and teamwork, which can help church leaders build stronger relationships with one another and work more effectively as a team.
    7. To inspire and motivate: Creativity and innovation can inspire and motivate church leaders and members alike, leading to greater energy and enthusiasm for the church’s mission.
    8. To better use resources: Innovation and creativity can help church leaders find more efficient and effective ways to use resources, such as time, money, and personnel, leading to a more impactful and sustainable ministry.
    9. To stay true to the church’s mission: By embracing innovation and creativity, church leaders can stay true to the church’s mission and values while also adapting to changing circumstances and the needs of the community.

    See soon soon for part 2…

    Grace and peace

    Dean

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    akper bina litasudama

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  • Why is caring for people so hard right now?

    Why is caring for people so hard right now?

    If you asked me this question a year or two ago as on online pastor, this would have been my response…

    Here are seven potential reasons why being a church leader may be particularly challenging right now:

    • Pandemic-related restrictions: Many churches have had to adapt to pandemic-related restrictions on gathering sizes and social distancing measures, which can be difficult to navigate and may require leaders to make difficult decisions.
    • Virtual worship: Many churches have had to pivot to virtual worship, which can be less personal and interactive than in-person gatherings and may require additional technical skills and resources.
    • Disruption of regular routines: The pandemic has disrupted many regular routines, which may make it harder for leaders to plan and carry out ministry as usual.
    • Financial strain: The pandemic has had a significant economic impact on many individuals and families, which may affect their ability to contribute financially to the church and create additional financial pressures for leaders.
    • Mental health challenges: The pandemic and related stressors may be causing increased mental health challenges for many people, including leaders.
    • Political and cultural division: There may be political and cultural division within the church or within the wider community, which can create challenges for leaders.
    • Limited in-person interaction: Many churches have had to limit in-person interaction due to pandemic restrictions, which can make it harder for leaders to build relationships and provide support to members.

    These are answers that are based around leadership, church boards and structure, external circumstances like the pandemic and the list goes on and on and on…

    But what do we get to blame now?

    But Jesus addresses another idea and this idea particularly around what it means to LOVE ONE ANOTHER, BUT why is this so complicated at the moment…

    It is not uncommon for people to find it difficult to love others at times. There can be many reasons for this, including personal issues, external stressors, and challenges in relationships.

    One common reason why people may struggle to love others is because they are going through a difficult time in their own lives and are not able to fully focus on and engage with others. This can be due to personal issues such as mental health problems, financial stress, or other challenges that are occupying a lot of their mental and emotional energy.

    Another reason why loving others may be difficult is if there are challenges or conflicts in the relationships themselves. This could be due to differences in values, communication issues, or other conflicts that make it hard to feel connected and supportive towards the other person.

    It is also possible that external stressors, such as the demands of work or other responsibilities, can make it harder to find the time and energy to devote to loving others.

    Ultimately, the specific reason why loving others may be difficult will depend on the individual and their unique circumstances. If you are finding it hard to love others and are not sure why, it might be helpful to reflect on your own feelings and experiences, and to consider seeking the support of a mental health professional if you are struggling.

    Jesus said, love your neighbour as you love yourself, yet we find ourselves in the world, I believe more than ever, where we don’t have a clue about what it means to love ourselves. We talk about self-care and self-this or self-that, as if it’s the exception. It’s just care, and love for yourself.

    So easy for me to do to others, but I cannot do it to myself…

    So Jesus later says, I give you a new command, LOVE ONE ANOTHER, AS I HAVE LOVED YOU. I wonder if could see these guys, these disciples were struggling to love themselves and so it affected their relationship with each other. So He serves them in the lowest way possible in the day. (A topic for another day – but google what it meant to be a bond servant and what it meant to wash peoples feet. I wonder if Jesus was almost saying, Love yourself, as you love others. (Empaths, you feel me?) Love yourself, as you have loved others.

    • Be kind to yourself, as you have been kind to others.
    • Be gentle to yourself, as you have been kind to others.
    • Be patient to yourself, as you have been patient to others.
    • Be generous to yourself, as you have been generous to others.
    • Show yourself as much GRACE, as you do your friends…

    Loving yourself is important for your overall well-being and happiness. When you have a positive and healthy relationship with yourself, you are more likely to feel confident, capable, and resilient in the face of challenges.

    Self-love involves treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect, and recognizing your own worth and value as a person. It also involves taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, and setting boundaries to protect yourself from harm or unhealthy situations.

    Self-love is not about being arrogant or egotistical, but rather about having a realistic and positive view of yourself and your worth. It is also not about being perfect or never experiencing negative emotions, but rather about accepting yourself, including your flaws and limitations, and treating yourself with care and understanding.

    Loving yourself can also make it easier to love others, as it helps you to feel more confident and secure in your relationships and allows you to be more open and receptive to the love and support of others. Love your neighbour, as you love yourself.

    Go easy on yourself today friend.

    Grace and peace

    Dean

  • Saying “NO” is the hardest thing…

    Saying “NO” is the hardest thing…

    I have a confession to make, I am a people pleaser. I honestly hate the idea that someone might not like me cause I said NO to them… I mean, I can do the thing they’re asking, no worries. I wish I learnt how to say NO sooner.

    Being a people pleaser means trying to please or accommodate others at the expense of your own needs and desires. People pleasers may go out of their way to avoid conflict, make others happy, or gain approval and acceptance. They may feel pressure to say yes to requests or to conform to the expectations of others, even if it means sacrificing their own goals or values.

    People pleasing can be motivated by a desire to be liked or to avoid criticism or rejection. However, constantly trying to please others can be emotionally and physically draining, and can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and low self-esteem. It can also prevent people from expressing their own needs and opinions and from setting healthy boundaries.

    If you think you might be a people pleaser, it can be helpful to take time to reflect on your own values and priorities and to practice setting boundaries and communicating your own needs and desires. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

    Saying no can be difficult, especially if you tend to be a people-pleaser or if you feel guilty when you turn down requests. However, it’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and well-being. Here are some tips for learning to say no:

    1. Practice self-awareness: Take a moment to think about what you really want and need. Consider your values, goals, and priorities, and use these to guide your decisions.
    2. Be direct and firm: When you say no, be clear and direct. Avoid hedging or apologizing excessively, as this can undermine your message.
    3. Use “I” statements: Rather than blaming or criticizing others, use “I” statements to express your own thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of saying “You’re being unreasonable,” you could say “I don’t feel comfortable with that request.”
    4. Offer an alternative: If you’re unable to fulfill a request, consider suggesting an alternative solution or compromise. This can help the other person understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to accept your decision.
    5. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations: Start by saying no to small requests or invitations that don’t matter much to you. This can help you build confidence and become more comfortable with the process.
    6. Remember that it’s okay to say no: It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t let guilt or fear of disappointing others keep you from making decisions that are best for you.

    I hope this helps.

    Grace and peace,

    Dean

  • What Social Media platforms “should” my church be on?

    What Social Media platforms “should” my church be on?

    We’ve all be asked this question and it’s not always so easily clear cut, but I’m gonna try make it real easy to start with and then we gonna go from there…

    The five most important social media platforms for a church will depend on the specific goals and target audience of the church. Here are five popular social media platforms that many churches find useful:

    1. Facebook: With over 2.7 billion monthly active users, Facebook is the largest and most widely used social media platform. It’s a good choice for churches looking to connect with a broad audience and share updates about events and activities.
    2. Instagram: Instagram is a visually-focused platform that is popular with younger audiences (I’m not even gonna address TIKTOK in this article, it’s coming… It’s a good choice for churches looking to share visually appealing content and engage with followers.
    3. YouTube: YouTube is the largest video-sharing platform and is a good choice for churches looking to share video content, such as sermons or worship services.
    4. Twitter: Twitter is a fast-paced platform that allows churches to share short updates and engage with followers in real-time.
    5. Church-specific platforms: There are also several social media platforms that are specifically designed for churches such as Church Online, BibleApp, ChurchLink and ChurchLink App. These platforms allow churches to connect with members and share updates, prayer requests, and other information in a very simple user friendly way.

    Again, the most important social media platforms for a church will depend on the specific goals and target audience of the church. It’s often helpful to start by focusing on a few key platforms and then expand as needed.

    Who is the person you’re imagining when creating your social media post?

    There are several ways to determine your church’s target audience online:

    1. Analyze your existing social media followers: Look at the demographics of the people who are already following your church’s social media accounts. This can give you an idea of who is most interested in your church and what types of content they engage with.
    2. Look at your church’s website traffic: Use tools like Google Analytics to see who is visiting your church’s website and where they’re coming from. This can help you understand the age, gender, and geographic location of your church’s online audience.
    3. Conduct a survey: Consider conducting a survey to ask your church members and followers about their demographics and online habits. This can help you get a better understanding of your target audience.
    4. Analyze your local community: Consider the demographics of the community your church serves. This can give you an idea of the age, gender, and geographic location of your target audience.
    5. Research your “competition”: Hahaha, you know what I mean… Look at the social media accounts of other churches in your area to see who they are targeting and how they are reaching their audience.

    By gathering this information, you can get a better understanding of your church’s target audience online and tailor your social media strategy to reach them more effectively. Please email dean@deancothill.co.za for further questions and would love to join you and your community on this new digital road for church…

    Stay tuned for more daily articles on Sunday Social Sessions with Dean Cothill…

  • What do I do when the voices in my head get really loud?

    What do I do when the voices in my head get really loud?

    Ever have a bad day? LOL! Of course we have all been there…

    Here are 7 simple yet effective things that really helped me and I really hope can help you to get you through a bad day.

    1. Take a break and practice mindfulness and a moment of prayer. This can help you gain perspective and calm your mind. You can try activities like deep breathing, meditation, or even just taking a walk and paying attention to your surroundings. Even saying the simple OUR FATHER can bring so much peace.
    1. Connect with someone. Reach out to a friend, family member, or a professional for support. Sometimes, just talking about what’s going on can help you feel better. Don’t be shy, send that WhatsApp.
    1. Engage in physical activity. Exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood. It can be as simple as going for a walk or doing some stretches. GO TO GYM!
    1. Practice self-care. Make time for things that bring you joy, like taking a warm bath, reading a book, or listening to music. PLAY YOUR FAVORITE SONG AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!
    1. Get some rest. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and try to relax before bedtime. Don’t afraid to sneak in a nap, a 15 minute power nap can change the world.

    1. Eat well and stay hydrated. Fuel your body with nutritious foods and stay hydrated with water. Carry a bottle around with you and make sure you’re getting your 8 glasses.
    1. Seek professional help if needed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for support. They can help you develop coping strategies and work through your challenges.

    You will have noticed that each of these 7 tips are NUMBER 1, yes, because they are meant to be. They’ll all in there to help you! No number is better than the other and sometimes you should do all of them.

    But why self care even? I can GO GO GO…

    Self-care is important because it helps you take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It can help you manage stress, improve your mood, boost your energy levels, and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

    When you engage in self-care activities, you’re taking the time to prioritize your own needs and well-being. This can help you feel more balanced and grounded, and better equipped to handle the challenges and demands of daily life.

    Self-care can also help you feel more connected to yourself and your own needs, which can lead to a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. By taking care of yourself, you’re also setting a good example for others and modeling healthy habits and behaviors.

    Overall, self-care is an important aspect of maintaining overall health and well-being, and it’s something that everyone should prioritize in their lives.

  • What is burnout even?

    What is burnout even?

    Ever wondered why we are all so tired all the time? Why it seems like we can’t ever get enough sleep, like a 4 hour nights sleeps makes us feel like the same as 10 hours.

    Burn-out, a lot like field fires, isn’t exactly something I ever actively thought about never mind something I ever thought I would go through. Never in my life did I think I would be on medication and ANTI-DEPRESSANTS to name a few.

    A few years back we had a wild fire spread across the Garden Route and Nelson Mandela Bay Area here in South Africa. Homes were lost, people lost everything and fire fighters did everything in their power to stop the speed at which the fire was moving, but sometimes, even when you can smell the fire a mile away, you just simply can’t do anything to stop what’s happening…

    So what is burnout/stress/fatigue even and how does this stuff happen?

    “Burn-out is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by three dimensions:

    • feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion;
    • increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and
    • reduced professional efficacy.

    Burn-out refers specifically to phenomena in the occupational context and should not be applied to describe experiences in other areas of life.”

    For me, its was and is like a wild fire…

    So on some windy days around here you can smell a fire miles off. There is a fire somewhere in the area and you can smell burning grass. Thats how it happened to me, that’s how I got really badly burnt.

    When the wind blows in a particular direction you can smell the fire that’s a long way off, then when the wind dies down, the smell eventually subsides and you kinda carry on with your day. The air still kinda smells and your clothes might even be affected about you move on quite quickly.

    There are moments in your week, that have an affect on you, you take a couple hits, things and people hurt you little, there is an argument or two, but you shrug it off, have a glass of wine with two Panado’s and you carry on. You body is still carrying some of the things from that week, still carrying some of the memories of those moments.

    Then there are some days that although there may be a fire, you find yourself upwind, so you don’t actually smell anything, you don’t notice anything, you don’t actually take a moment to check if everything is ok, cause, well you’re ok, right? But a friend tells you a story about something that happened, you see something on YouTube or you bump into an ex or friend that has memory attached it.

    It’s not that it’s JUST a place of work, people or a person, or even past experiences that sneak up and remind you of hurts or trauma’s. I am who I am, you are who you are. We are all human and we are actually all in this together. But on some days, some days the wind really blows and all the conditions for a raging uncontrollable fire line up.

    So on some days, the wind blows, the wind really blows, it’s a hot day and everything begins to move the fire in your direction. You smell the smoke and eventually you start seeing the smoke and at that point, there is absolutely nothing you can do, AND there is nothing you could’ve done to prepare you for the moment and no amount of water in the world is going to slow this all down.

    Recognizing the signs of burnout.

    There are many potential warning signs of depression, and they can vary from person to person. Some common signs and symptoms of depression include:

    1. Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness
    2. Loss of interest in activities that were previously enjoyed
    3. Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
    4. Insomnia or oversleeping
    5. Changes in appetite and/or weight
    6. Loss of energy and fatigue
    7. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
    8. Difficulty functioning at work, school, or in social situations
    9. Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicidal behavior

    It’s important to note that experiencing one or more of these symptoms does not necessarily mean that someone is depressed. However, if you are experiencing several of these symptoms and they are interfering with your daily life, it’s a good idea to speak with a mental health professional for an evaluation.

    So stay with me on wild fires for a moment…

    Wildfires can be dangerous for a number of reasons. One of the main reasons is the intense heat and flames that can cause serious burns and injuries. Wildfires can also produce large amounts of smoke, which can be harmful to breathe and can cause respiratory issues. In addition, the smoke from a wildfire can reduce visibility, making it difficult to see and navigate. Have you been in a situation like this or have you met people like this?

    Another danger of wildfires is that they can cause damage to homes and other structures. Wildfires can spread quickly and can destroy homes, buildings, and other infrastructure in their path. They can also disrupt utilities, such as electricity and water, and make it difficult for people to evacuate safely. Have you been in a situation like this or have you met people like this?

    Finally, wildfires can have a major impact on the environment. They can destroy wildlife habitats and kill or injure wildlife. Wildfires can also release large amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, contributing to climate change. Have you been in a situation like this or have you met people like this?

    Overall, wildfires can be very dangerous and have a range of impacts on people, communities, and the environment. It is important to take steps to prevent wildfires and to follow evacuation orders and other safety guidelines if a wildfire does occur. Have you been in a situation like this or have you met people like this?

    Where to from here?

    Recovering from burnout or depression can be a challenging process, and it is important to prioritize your physical and mental health. Here are a few tips that may help:

    1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help you identify the causes of your burnout or depression and develop a treatment plan.
    2. Take care of your physical health: Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising regularly. These activities can help improve your mood and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.
    3. Practice stress management techniques: There are many stress management techniques that can help you cope with burnout or depression, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. Find what works best for you and make it a regular part of your routine.
    4. Set boundaries: It’s important to set boundaries with your work and other commitments to ensure that you are not overextending yourself. Take breaks when you need them, and don’t be afraid to say no to tasks or activities that may be overwhelming.
    5. Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a support group about what you are going through. It can be helpful to have a strong support system to lean on during this time.

    Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and to take the time you need to recover. It may be a long and difficult process, but with the right support and self-care, it is possible to overcome burnout and depression.

    Do we need more space?

    People who are suffering from mental or emotional health “issues” don’t need “space”. Thoughts can be dark places and it’s impossible to get through them alone. Isolation and loneliness is a killer. It’s haunting.Message your friends, tell them you love them, tell them you value them, tell them want and need them around in the world and that there presence matters. Tell them that when they are ready to try brave the world again and put pants on to leave the house, you’ll be there ready to hold their hand and take it one step at a time. Tell them you love them again and that you really really mean it.