Category: Blog Posts

Introduction

We all wear masks: the roles we play, the illusions we believe, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we have to be. But at some point, we wake up to the realization that something feels off. The roles we’ve assumed no longer fit, and we crave something deeper—something more true. This post is about that journey. It’s about stripping away what no longer serves us and stepping into the fullness of who we are.

Recently, I went through this process myself by asking ten deeply reflective questions designed to uncover the masks I was wearing and the illusions I had accepted as reality. I want to share my experience with you, in the hope that it inspires you to take this journey for yourself.

At the end of this post, I’ll include the exact prompt I used so that you, too, can embark on this powerful exercise.

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The Tension Between Who I Am and Who I’ve Become

When I sat down to answer the first question, it became clear that something in my life felt out of alignment. I poured myself a whiskey and settled into this process, this journey.

I realized that my daily work, my job — admin-heavy, computer-based, and with little human interaction — was far from the life I once envisioned. I used to see myself as a leader, someone who thrived in the presence of others, working in teams. I loved music, playing guitar, and singing, yet I had completely abandoned those passions. Instead, my life had become about work and responsibilities, primarily because it provided financial stability for my family. And while I’m grateful for that stability, I couldn’t help but wonder: Have I sacrificed too much? Have I missed it?

That’s when I uncovered a deep-seated belief: that I had to choose one path in life—that I couldn’t be both creative and practical, a provider and an artist, a leader and an introvert. But was that actually true? Or was I limiting myself?

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Reclaiming the Full Spectrum of Who I Am

Through this process, I realized that I am many things:

• A gentle, creative soul who deeply values connection.
• Someone who longs to make sure others feel like they belong.
• A father who cherishes the time spent with his kids.
• A person who loves nature, singing harmonies to songs, and walking barefoot.

Yet, I had been boxing myself into a single definition, letting societal expectations dictate what was “acceptable” to pursue. And when I traced this belief back, I saw its roots in childhood. I grew up in a system that taught me I had to choose one career, one path, and stick with it. I didn’t see my parents having hobbies—they worked, and that was it. Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the message that joy and self-expression were secondary to duty.

But that’s simply not true.

I can be creative and responsible. I can be introverted and still connect deeply with others. I can make time for music, art, and writing just because they bring me joy—not because they need to be monetized or shared with the world.

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Breaking the Cycle of Self-Neglect

One of the most eye-opening realizations was how much I had been neglecting the things that brought me joy. When I imagined a life without external pressures, I saw myself:

• Reading more.
• Playing music again.
• Taking long, quiet walks.
• Painting and writing simply because I want to.
• Building more meaningful connections.

Yet, my first instinct was to say, But I don’t have time.

That’s when I had to call myself out: That’s an excuse.

The truth is, even with work and parenting, I can carve out 10 minutes a day for something that fuels my soul. And those small moments of creativity and presence add up.

But then came the resistance: What if I’m not good enough? What if I pick up the guitar and realize I’ve lost my skill? What if no one cares about what I write?

That’s when I had to confront the harshest truth of all: I had been holding myself back out of fear—fear of judgment, fear of failing, fear of not being seen the way I wanted to be seen.

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Rewriting the Story

To move forward, I had to shift my mindset. Instead of creating for validation, I had to start creating for myself. Instead of seeking external approval, I had to recognize my own worth. And instead of thinking in extremes (all or nothing, success or failure), I had to embrace the in-between—the simple joy of doing something because I can.

I decided to make small, manageable changes:

• 10 minutes a day dedicated to something just for me.
• Letting go of outcomes—playing music, painting, or writing with no intention of sharing it.
• Practicing saying no to things that drain me.
• Physically taking up space—stretching, breathing deeply, reminding myself that I belong.
• Teaching my kids by example—so they grow up knowing that joy and rest are just as important as work.

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Daily Affirmations for Growth

As I stepped into this new mindset, I created daily affirmations to keep me grounded:

1. My needs and wants matter. I am worthy of joy.
2. I am allowed to take up space. I stretch, I breathe, I exist fully.
3. I am not limited to one path. I am allowed to evolve and change.
4. Creativity is my birthright. I create because I am alive.
5. I choose to listen to the voices that believe in me.

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A Message from My Higher Self

As I reflected on this journey, I imagined what my higher self—the wisest, most whole version of me—would say:

“You have carried burdens that were never meant to be yours, but now, you are awakening. The boy who longed to be chosen is now a man who can choose himself. You no longer need permission to take up space. The world is not waiting for you to be one thing—it is waiting for you to embrace all that you are. Stretch to the heavens. Breathe deeply. Take up space. This is your life—live it fully.”

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Want to Take This Journey Yourself?

If this resonated with you, I encourage you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery using the same exercise I did.

Here’s the exact prompt I gave to ChatGPT:

“I want to uncover the masks that I am currently wearing, the roles I’m playing, and the illusions I’m believing. Please guide me through this process by asking me 10 reflective questions one at a time to help me recognize the stories I’m telling myself. After I answer the 10th question, please step into the role of my higher self and analyze my responses. Identify the top negative patterns present in my life and the top positive patterns I can embrace and grow. Be direct and truthful; tough love is welcomed. Please provide me with daily affirmations to support my growth, actionable steps to change my behaviors, and embody my most authentic self. And a message of encouragement from my higher self to celebrate how far I’ve come on my journey.”

If you decide to do this, be honest with yourself. Let it be messy, let it be raw, and let it be real.

You deserve to take up space. You deserve to be fully, unapologetically you.

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Final Thoughts

I hope this journey inspires you as much as it has transformed me. If you take the leap, let me know how it goes. Remember: You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be.

Stretch your arms to the heavens. Breathe. You belong here.

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Dear Me,

As we move through February, I’ve been thinking a lot about the heart—about what happens when we offer our creations, our choices, our acts of living to its altar. It’s been sitting with me, this idea of heart-led living, as I navigate my own evolution and process; both personally and in my work. Lately, I’ve been noticing where I let my mind take too much control and where I allow my heart to lead me instead. SO much of of “work” leads and lends itself to my computer and my head, but I can hear my heart tugging, what’s next, let me try say something, could I have a go…

It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it? The mind is brilliant at organizing, strategizing, and making sense of things, but when it takes over completely, we risk losing the essence of what truly matters. Our work can become mechanical, our relationships can feel transactional, and the things we once felt passionate about can start to feel like obligations. When that happens, I think we lose the plot. The things we create: whether it’s a project, a conversation, a moment of connection—can start to feel hollow. But when we create, love, and live from the heart, everything feels richer, fuller, more alive.

I’ve been especially aware of this when it comes to raising my kids. As Daniel and Elizabeth grow, I can feel the tug-of-war between my mind and my heart more than ever. My mind wants to teach them discipline, structure, and logic—the tools they’ll need to navigate the world. But my heart? My heart just wants to love them well. To be present. To help them feel safe, seen, and understood. I want them to know that beyond all the lessons, expectations, and rules, the most important thing is love—the kind of love that makes space, that listens deeply, that leads with kindness.

And yet, like with everything else, it’s so easy to get caught up in thinking too much about the “right” way to parent, to guide, to lead. The more I try to strategize, the more I feel like I’m missing the point. But when I slow down, when I let my heart lead, things become simpler. I listen more. I hold them closer. I see them for who they are right now, instead of who I think they should be. And it makes me wonder—how much more of my life could be transformed if I just let my heart have more of a say?

I found myself in a bit of a mental spiral the other day—overanalyzing, overthinking, trying to solve something by sheer force of logic. And I could feel it, all the energy rushing to my head, my thoughts getting louder, more tangled. So, I decided to go outside for a long walk, always barefoot and with a banana in hand. As I walked, I heard this small, quiet voice inside telling me to breathe into my heart space. To expand it toward the sky, toward the world around me. Feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin, the sound of the earth. It felt like an act of generosity, like giving myself permission to stop figuring everything out and just be for a moment. (We are human beings and not human doings after all)

And so I let my heart shine. I let the light pour into it, filling it with warmth. I brought my worries, my uncertainties, my restless thoughts before it, seeking its wisdom. And in doing so, I found clarity—not through analysis, but through feeling. My heart gave me an answer that my mind never could, one that felt open, expansive, and limitless.

The heart, I’ve realized, holds an intelligence all its own. It doesn’t strategize or plan the way the mind does (and thank you, brain—we do appreciate you!). Instead, it speaks in simpler words, in quiet honesty, in a language of generosity. It may not always be linear or logical, but it is always true.

In a world that often celebrates the loud, the fast, and the calculated, we forget that wisdom is not always found in the sharpness of the mind but in the depth of the heart. Susan Cain, in Quiet, reminds us:

“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.”

It is in those still, unguarded moments—when we are quiet enough to listen—that the heart’s intelligence emerges. The heart does not demand; it invites. It does not argue; it knows.

Similarly, Paulo Coelho, in The Alchemist, speaks of the heart as a compass, a guide that always seeks truth, here quoting The New Testament:

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

The mind may try to predict, protect, and rationalize every decision, but the heart moves toward something deeper; toward meaning, connection, and purpose. Its language is not efficiency, but essence. It is the voice that whispers when the world shouts. It is the pull toward an unseen destination when logic says stay put.

The heart’s intelligence is not measured in strategies or calculations, but in its unwavering commitment to what truly matters. It is the quiet knowing that kindness is never wasted, that love is worth the risk, and that sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply trust the direction it points us in.

Perhaps, as we navigate our days, we might do well to give both mind and heart their due. To let the brain structure the journey, but to let the heart choose the road. Because while the mind may be brilliant, the heart is wise. And wisdom, after all, is what leads us home. She gently holds us by the hand and walks us Home.

So, this week, I wonder if this small practice might serve you too. If something has been weighing on you—a decision, a creative block, a challenge you’re trying to untangle—perhaps you could place it in the hands of your heart for a while. Give your mind a break. Let your heart have its say.

What do you think?

With warmth,
Dean

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