Tag: a dads guide to

  • Who or what is raising our kids?

    Who or what is raising our kids?

    In today’s world, social media and the internet have become an integral part of our lives. From the way we interact with each other to the way we consume information, social media and the internet have transformed the way we live, work, and play. But what impact do they have on the way we raise our children? Are young people being raised by social media and the endless internet? Are they the new mentors and elders of our society? And have we, as parents, passed on the responsibility of raising our children to youth programs and schools and pop stars? In this blog post, we will explore these questions and delve deeper into the impact of social media and the internet on the way we raise our children.

    Firstly, what is a mentor?

    A mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor or guide who provides guidance, support, and advice to someone who is less experienced or knowledgeable in a particular area. A mentor can be a teacher, coach, family member, friend, or colleague, and they typically have a wealth of knowledge and expertise in a specific field or area of interest.

    The role of a mentor is to offer support and guidance to their mentee, sharing their knowledge and experience to help the mentee achieve their goals and develop their skills and abilities. Mentors can provide a range of services, such as helping their mentee identify their strengths and weaknesses, providing feedback and constructive criticism, offering advice on career development, and helping the mentee develop new skills and strategies for success.

    Mentoring relationships can be formal or informal, and can last for a short or long period of time, depending on the needs and goals of the mentee. A good mentor is someone who is patient, understanding, and willing to take the time to listen to their mentee’s concerns and offer advice and support. They should also be knowledgeable and experienced in their area of expertise, and have a track record of success in helping others achieve their goals.

    Mentorship can be a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their skills, knowledge, and confidence in a particular area, and it can be especially beneficial for young people who are just starting out in their careers or pursuing new interests and hobbies. By providing guidance, support, and encouragement, mentors can help their mentees achieve their goals and reach their full potential. This is all best case scenario…

    Hello social media (MENTORS)

    To begin with, it is important to acknowledge the role of social media and the internet in shaping the behavior, attitudes, and beliefs of young people. With social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, young people have access to a wide range of information, ideas, and opinions that can shape their worldviews. They can connect with others who share their interests, learn about new cultures and perspectives, and gain exposure to new ideas and experiences. Similarly, the internet provides a wealth of information on virtually every topic imaginable, from science and history to politics and economics. Young people can explore new ideas, learn about the world around them, and develop critical thinking skills through the information available online.

    However, there are also significant downsides to the pervasive influence of social media and the internet on young people. One of the most notable is the impact on mental health. Studies have shown that excessive social media use is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Young people may feel pressure to conform to social norms and expectations, leading to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and social isolation. Additionally, the constant barrage of information and stimuli can lead to difficulties with attention and focus, which can negatively impact academic performance and overall wellbeing.

    Pop stars have become community mentors

    Pop stars have become increasingly influential role models for children and teenagers in recent years, thanks to the widespread availability and influence of social media. Popular artists such as Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and Justin Bieber have millions of followers on social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok, where they often share glimpses into their personal lives, offer advice and encouragement, and promote social causes.

    One of the ways that pop stars are influencing children and teenagers is by shaping their attitudes and behaviors around important issues like body image, mental health, and social justice. Many pop stars use their social media platforms to promote positive messages around these issues, such as promoting body positivity, encouraging mental health awareness and self-care, and advocating for social and political change. By sharing their own personal experiences and struggles, pop stars can help young people to feel understood and empowered, and to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience.

    In addition, pop stars are increasingly using their influence and resources to directly engage with and support young people. Many artists offer meet-and-greet opportunities, host fan events and concerts, and participate in social media challenges and initiatives that promote positive behavior and social change. Some pop stars even offer mentorship and career guidance to aspiring musicians and performers, helping to launch the careers of a new generation of artists and creators.

    However, while the influence of pop stars can be positive in many ways, there are also concerns about the potential negative impact of this trend. One concern is that the emphasis on celebrity culture and fame can encourage children and teenagers to prioritize popularity and social status over other important values and goals, such as education and personal growth. Additionally, the emphasis on physical appearance and image that is often associated with pop stars can contribute to unhealthy attitudes and behaviors around body image and self-esteem.

    Another concern is that the influence of pop stars may be contributing to a sense of disconnection and isolation among young people. While social media can provide a sense of connection and community, it can also contribute to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, particularly when young people compare themselves to the idealized images and lifestyles presented by their favorite pop stars.

    Overall, while pop stars can offer valuable mentorship and support to young people, it is important for parents and caregivers to remain involved and engaged in their children’s lives, and to help them develop a healthy and balanced perspective on the influence of media and celebrity culture. By fostering open communication, encouraging critical thinking and reflection, and providing guidance and support, parents can help their children navigate the complex and often overwhelming world of pop culture and media influence.

    Social media’s effects on interpersonal relationships

    Another concern is the impact of social media and the internet on interpersonal relationships. Young people may spend more time interacting with others online than in person, leading to difficulties with social skills and face-to-face communication. They may also struggle to form meaningful connections with others, leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Additionally, the anonymity and lack of accountability online can lead to cyberbullying and other forms of online harassment, which can have lasting effects on young people’s mental health and wellbeing.

    What are our churches and schools involvement?

    Given these concerns, it is understandable to question whether we have passed on the responsibility of raising our children to youth programs and schools. After all, these institutions have become increasingly important in providing structure, guidance, and support to young people in the face of the overwhelming influence of social media and the internet. Youth programs and schools can provide a safe and structured environment for young people to develop social skills, explore new interests, and build relationships with others. They can also provide access to educational opportunities and resources that may not be available otherwise.

    In recent years, there has been growing concern that children are being raised more by schools and church programs than by their parents. This trend is often attributed to the increasing demands of modern life, which can leave parents with less time and energy to devote to parenting. Additionally, the rise of technology and social media has created new challenges and distractions that can make it difficult for parents to remain fully engaged in their children’s lives.

    One concern is that schools and church programs are increasingly taking on roles that were traditionally filled by parents, such as teaching values and providing emotional support. In many cases, schools and churches may be the primary sources of guidance and mentorship for children, particularly those from low-income or marginalized communities. While these institutions can provide valuable support and resources, they may not be able to fully replace the role of parents in a child’s life.

    Another concern is that schools and church programs may not always align with a family’s values or beliefs. While these institutions often have well-intentioned programs and initiatives, they may not reflect the diverse needs and perspectives of all families. For example, some families may have concerns about the values or messages promoted in school curricula or church programs, and may not feel comfortable entrusting their children’s upbringing to these institutions.

    In addition, there is concern that the increasing reliance on schools and church programs to raise children can have negative consequences for family dynamics and relationships. When parents feel that they have outsourced the responsibility of raising their children to these institutions, they may be less likely to prioritize quality time and engagement with their children. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and distance between parents and children, which can have long-term implications for children’s emotional and social development.

    Moreover, there are concerns about the impact of this trend on children’s mental health and wellbeing. When children spend the majority of their time in school or church programs, they may not have the opportunity to develop strong bonds and relationships with their parents. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and disconnection, which can contribute to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

    To address these concerns, it is important for parents to remain actively involved in their children’s lives, even in the face of the demands and distractions of modern life. This can include making time for quality family time, staying informed about their children’s school and church activities, and engaging in open and honest communication with their children about values and beliefs. Additionally, parents can seek out community-based resources and support networks that can help them to balance the demands of work and parenting, and provide guidance and mentorship for their children.

    So while schools and church programs can play an important role in the lives of children, it is important for parents to recognize the importance of their own role as mentors and elders in their children’s lives. By remaining actively involved and engaged in their children’s upbringing, parents can help to ensure that their children grow up with a strong sense of identity, values, and resilience, even in the face of the pervasive influence of modern technology and societal pressures.

    Where DO parents come in then?

    However, it is important to recognize that parents still play a critical role in shaping the development and wellbeing of their children. While youth programs and schools can provide important support and guidance, parents remain the primary caregivers and role models for their children. Parents can help young people navigate the complex and often overwhelming world of social media and the internet by providing guidance and setting boundaries around its use. They can also provide emotional support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging that may be difficult to find elsewhere.

    So what can parents do to ensure that they remain the primary mentors and elders for their children, despite the pervasive influence of social media and the internet? First and foremost, parents can model healthy behaviors and attitudes around technology use. This means setting limits on screen time, avoiding excessive social media use, and prioritizing face-to-face interactions with family and friends.

    Another important way that parents can remain involved in their children’s lives is by fostering open communication and dialogue around social media and internet use. By talking openly and honestly with their children about the potential benefits and risks of technology use, parents can help their children develop critical thinking skills and make informed decisions about their own technology use. This can also help parents stay informed about their children’s online activities and provide support and guidance when needed.

    In addition, parents can also help their children build resilience and coping skills to navigate the challenges of social media and internet use. This can include helping children develop a strong sense of self-worth and identity, building strong family relationships and social connections, and providing opportunities for children to engage in activities that promote self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment. By building these skills and relationships, parents can help their children develop the tools they need to navigate the complex and sometimes overwhelming world of social media and the internet.

    Finally, parents can also play a critical role in advocating for policies and practices that promote healthy technology use and protect children from potential harm. This can include supporting initiatives to promote digital literacy and responsible online behavior, advocating for stronger privacy protections and safeguards against cyberbullying and other forms of online harassment, and pushing for stronger regulations around the marketing of technology products to children. By taking an active role in shaping the policies and practices that govern technology use, parents can help ensure that their children are protected and supported in the online world.

    Finally, parents can also play a critical role in advocating for policies and practices that promote healthy technology use and protect children from potential harm. This can include supporting initiatives to promote digital literacy and responsible online behavior, advocating for stronger privacy protections and safeguards against cyberbullying and other forms of online harassment, and pushing for stronger regulations around the marketing of technology products to children. By taking an active role in shaping the policies and practices that govern technology use, parents can help ensure that their children are protected and supported in the online world.

    In conclusion, the influence of social media and the internet on young people is undeniable. While these technologies offer many benefits, they also present significant risks and challenges that can impact the mental health, social skills, and overall wellbeing of young people. As parents, it is important to recognize the role that social media and the internet play in the lives of our children, and to take an active role in shaping their use of technology. By modeling healthy behaviors and attitudes, fostering open communication and dialogue, building resilience and coping skills, and advocating for policies and practices that promote healthy technology use, parents can remain the primary mentors and elders in their children’s lives, even in the face of the pervasive influence of social media and the internet.

  • Daddy Self (Day)-Care

    Daddy Self (Day)-Care

    I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?

    Love yourself.

    We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.

    You matter.

    When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?

    Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life. 

    Self-care

    For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…

    Daily grind and self care

    I am not here, I have not arrived. We are coming out of a 3 year lock down, pandemic, 2019 shambles, which put so many other stresses on what it meant to be parents and have kids. Some of us even have lock down babies and I’m sure we gonna be hearing more and more about what this means for us as more and more people do research and studies on this. What I do hope you hear me saying though is this, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a need. To be able to care for our children, we must first take care of ourselves. We must never forget that our children are at their best when we are. “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,” Brené Brown explains.

  • The paradox of having children – both the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to me…

    The paradox of having children – both the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to me…

    If you have ever heard me talk in any way shape or form, you will have heard me talk about my kids. They are both the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I mean this in the most beautiful, wonderful way possible. This paradox is the wildest thing to ever happen to me.

    It’s mean it’s common to hear people say that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to them, and in many respects, this is true. A person’s life can become incredibly joyful, fulfilling, and purposeful after having children. It is equally true, though, that becoming a parent may be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person, responsibility goes through the roof, bills go through the roof, time goes out the window and you can say goodbye to sleep; everything changes. The paradox of parenting is this basic idea.

    Dad walking with kids in his arms

    The best things about being a parent

    • The hugs
    • The snuggles
    • This insane feeling of being in love
    • Seeing everything from a different angle
    • A toddlers laugh and giggles
    • The value of new life
    • seeing their personalities grow and evolve

    On the one hand, having children enables us to feel the intense love and bond that can only result from caring for another person. It enables us to be a guiding factor in their lives, to see them grow and develop, to share in their victories and accomplishments. We have the chance to influence the world in which the next generation will live by imparting our values and teachings to them.

    Having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life in a number of ways. For starters, the bond between a parent and a child is like no other. It is a deep love that is rooted in the unique connection that is formed during the process of raising a child. This bond is not only emotionally satisfying, but it can also be a source of great pride and accomplishment. Watching your child grow and develop, and being a part of their life as they discover new things and reach new milestones, is an incredibly rewarding experience.

    Mom and daughter hugging

    In addition to the emotional benefits of having children, they can also bring purpose and meaning to one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to shape the next generation and to pass on your values and teachings to your children. You can be a role model and a guiding force in their lives, helping to shape the kind of person they will become. This sense of purpose and meaning can be incredibly fulfilling and can give one’s life a greater sense of direction and significance.

    laughing mom and child

    Finally, having children can also bring a sense of joy and happiness to one’s life simply by the presence of another person to share life’s experiences with. Whether it’s spending quality time together, making memories, or simply having someone to laugh and be silly with, having children can bring an added level of joy and happiness to one’s life. Overall, while having children does come with its challenges, the rewards and joys that they bring can be truly unparalleled.

    Where the tread hits the tar and the realities settle in

    However, and I think we all know this, LOL, having children also necessitates a great deal of sacrifice, everything of who you are on the table, the floor and every other part of the house… It could take a toll on your body and emotions, and it might leave you with little time for self-care or hobbies. In addition, because children need so many services and supports, it can be expensive. For the good part of the last 4 years, most of my money has gone to poo, yes I said it, poo. NAPPIES! All that money and all that poo. Time, money and energy all take a complete overhaul.

    Additionally, there is a significant degree of strain and duty associated with parenting. It can be challenging to be a parent and be responsible for the growth and well-being of another person. You might be concerned for their future, education, and safety. Additionally, you could experience pressure to be a perfect parent, which can make you feel inadequate and guilty when you unavoidably make mistakes.

    Having children can be a great responsibility and it is natural for parents to feel pressure to do their best for their children. This pressure can come from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, a desire to provide the best for one’s children, and a sense of responsibility for their well-being and future. This pressure can be difficult to handle and can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when mistakes are made or when things do not go as planned.

    In addition to the pressure to be a perfect parent, there is also the responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible, compassionate, and successful adult. This can be a daunting task, as it requires patience, guidance, and a constant effort to teach and model good behavior. It can also be stressful, as you worry about your child’s safety, their education, and their future.

    Furthermore, raising children can be physically and emotionally draining. It requires a great deal of time, energy, and attention, and it can be difficult to find time for self-care or personal interests. It can also be financially demanding, as children require a great deal of resources and support. I’m trying to stay in the gym just so that I can be fit and healthy to keep up with my kids. You ever had to carry two kids up that dune at sards? (I write while crying…)

    Overall, while having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it is also a challenging and demanding role that comes with a great deal of responsibility and pressure. It is up to each individual to decide if the rewards of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices and challenges.

    The paradox of parenting is that having kids may simultaneously bring the greatest joys and the worst problems into our life. Yes, it’s safe to say that parenting is hands down the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and effort, and it can be physically and emotionally draining. But despite the challenges, the joy, fulfillment, and love that comes from raising a child is second to none. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a parent and a child and watching your little one grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, parenting is hard work, but the rewards that come with it make it all worth it. So don’t let the challenges discourage you, embrace them and take pride in the fact that you’re doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world – raising the next generation. So hang in there, parenting may be tough, but the love and fulfillment it brings is worth it.

    Parenting is either (NOW)(HERE) or (NO)(WHERE)

    If you look at the word NOWHERE, you can read it in two ways, and I believe it’s the same for when we are with our kids. You are either THERE, in that moment, OR, you are there and there and there and on your phone and thinking about work while pushing a swing, the, you are actually NO WHERE.

    Being present with your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but trust me, they will cherish the memories of the time you spent together. Before you know it, they will be all grown up, making their own weekend plans, and you’ll be left wondering where the time went. So take the opportunity to be present with your child while you can. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and really engage with them. Play a game, go for a walk, have a conversation – whatever it is, make it count. These moments will not only be special for your child, but they will also bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. So don’t let the busyness of life get in the way, make time for your child and be present with them – it’s the greatest gift you can give.