I have a confession to make, I am a people pleaser. I honestly hate the idea that someone might not like me cause I said NO to them… I mean, I can do the thing they’re asking, no worries. I wish I learnt how to say NO sooner.
Being a people pleaser means trying to please or accommodate others at the expense of your own needs and desires. People pleasers may go out of their way to avoid conflict, make others happy, or gain approval and acceptance. They may feel pressure to say yes to requests or to conform to the expectations of others, even if it means sacrificing their own goals or values.
People pleasing can be motivated by a desire to be liked or to avoid criticism or rejection. However, constantly trying to please others can be emotionally and physically draining, and can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and low self-esteem. It can also prevent people from expressing their own needs and opinions and from setting healthy boundaries.
If you think you might be a people pleaser, it can be helpful to take time to reflect on your own values and priorities and to practice setting boundaries and communicating your own needs and desires. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.
Saying no can be difficult, especially if you tend to be a people-pleaser or if you feel guilty when you turn down requests. However, it’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and well-being. Here are some tips for learning to say no:
- Practice self-awareness: Take a moment to think about what you really want and need. Consider your values, goals, and priorities, and use these to guide your decisions.
- Be direct and firm: When you say no, be clear and direct. Avoid hedging or apologizing excessively, as this can undermine your message.
- Use “I” statements: Rather than blaming or criticizing others, use “I” statements to express your own thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of saying “You’re being unreasonable,” you could say “I don’t feel comfortable with that request.”
- Offer an alternative: If you’re unable to fulfill a request, consider suggesting an alternative solution or compromise. This can help the other person understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to accept your decision.
- Practice saying no in low-stakes situations: Start by saying no to small requests or invitations that don’t matter much to you. This can help you build confidence and become more comfortable with the process.
- Remember that it’s okay to say no: It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t let guilt or fear of disappointing others keep you from making decisions that are best for you.
I hope this helps.
Grace and peace,
Dean