Tag: How do you know if a leader is lonely or just aloof

Why emotional (MENTAL) health matters in leadership
Hey there, so here’s the deal. I want you to take your normal, everyday life – you know, the stuff you do like sleeping, eating, working, and just going about your day – and offer it up to God. Trusting in what God does for you is the best way to honor him. Don’t just blend in with the culture around you without really thinking about it. Instead, focus on God and he will transform you from the inside out. Pay attention to what he wants from you and follow through with it. Unlike the culture that often holds you back, God helps bring out the best in you and helps you grow into a mature and well-rounded person. If you know me you’ll know that I even got Romans 12 tattoo’d on my forearm. (video coming soon)

Romans 12 says it like this… “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Your mind. Your thoughts. Your thinking patterns need renewing. The way you think needs DAILY RENEWING. Almost like a daily wash in the Spirit. Maybe some questions if I may?
- How to do you start/end your day?
- Do you exercise or even go for a walk?
- How much do you read? I don’t mean “drugged up addictive” social media scrolling
- Who are your “sources” of inspiration?
- How long have you had the routines you got now?
Emotional and mental health are crucial components of effective leadership. In fact, leaders who prioritize their own emotional and mental well-being are often more effective at leading and inspiring others. This is because they are able to create a positive and supportive work environment, make sound decisions, and build trusting and authentic relationships.

One of the key reasons why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it directly affects an individual’s ability to manage stress and handle challenges. Leaders who are emotionally and mentally healthy are better equipped to handle the demands of their roles, and are less likely to become overwhelmed or burnt out. They are also more resilient, and are able to bounce back from setbacks more quickly.

In contrast, leaders who struggle with their emotional and mental health are more likely to make poor decisions, struggle to build positive relationships, and be less productive. They may also be more prone to conflict, and may struggle to create a positive work environment for their team.

Another reason why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it is essential for building trust and authenticity. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own struggles and emotions are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. They also model healthy coping mechanisms, and encourage their team members to prioritize their own well-being.

On the other hand, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team.

Emotional and mental health is particularly important when it comes to building trust and authenticity within a team. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own emotions and struggles are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. When a leader is able to share their own vulnerabilities and struggles, it creates a sense of connection and understanding. It allows team members to feel seen and heard, and to know that their leader is human and has their own challenges. This in turn can create a culture of open and honest communication, where team members feel comfortable sharing their own thoughts and feelings.

In contrast, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team. When team members feel that their leader is not open to hearing their thoughts and feelings, it can create a sense of disconnection and mistrust. This can lead to communication breakdowns, conflicts, and ultimately, a lack of cohesion within the team.

Therefore, it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own emotional and mental health in order to build trust and authenticity within their team. By being open and vulnerable about their own emotions, leaders can create a sense of connection and understanding, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience. Overall, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership, and it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own well-being in order to create a positive and supportive work environment for their team.

In conclusion, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership. It enables leaders to manage stress, make sound decisions, build authentic relationships, and create a positive work environment. By prioritizing their own well-being, leaders can set an example for their team, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience.

My email address is dean@deancothill.co.za

How are you, really?

Grace and peace

Dean
December 21, 2022
Why is it important to slow down in our daily lives?
Hey hey! Have you ever noticed how the sound of your phone pinging can make you feel? Well, I recently found out that I have stress and anxiety-induced clinical depression. Fun, right? But one thing that has really helped me is turning off all notifications on my phone. They can make me feel so rushed, like I have to be somewhere all the time. It’s overwhelming and can contribute to my anxiety.

It’s funny how something as small as phone notifications can have such a big impact on our mood and overall well-being. But it’s true. We live in a world where we’re constantly connected, and it can be tough to disconnect and give ourselves a break. But it’s important to do so, especially if you’re struggling with stress or anxiety.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the constant pinging of your phone, consider turning off those notifications. Take some time for yourself and give your mind a break. It might just make a huge difference in how you feel.

In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives. Faster internet, faster food, faster cars, faster deliveries, getting to and from faster is what’s more important and just merely fast fast fast! We’re constantly bombarded with stimuli – notifications on our phones, emails, social media updates, and the never-ending to-do lists that seem to pile up. It can feel like we’re constantly running on a hamster wheel, trying to keep up with everything that’s going on around us.

But here’s the thing: it’s more important than ever before to slow down and take a step back. Here’s why.

First and foremost, slowing down can help us be more productive. When we’re constantly rushing from one task to the next, it’s easy to make mistakes or overlook important details. By taking the time to slow down and focus on one thing at a time, we can actually be more efficient and get more done.

In addition to being more productive, slowing down can also help us be more present and mindful. When we’re moving at a million miles an hour, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts and miss out on what’s happening in the present moment. By slowing down, we can be more aware of our surroundings and the people around us, which can help us form deeper connections and appreciate the beauty in life’s little moments.

Slowing down can have significant benefits for both our physical and mental well-being. When we are constantly on the go, our bodies and minds can become strained and overwhelmed, which can lead to a range of health issues such as high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, and even depression. However, by taking the time to slow down and relax, we allow our bodies and minds to rest and rejuvenate.

Being constantly in a state of high stress can take a toll on our bodies. When we are under stress, our bodies produce hormones such as cortisol, which can have negative effects on our health. High levels of cortisol in the body have been linked to increased blood pressure, weight gain, and a higher risk of heart disease. Additionally, stress can affect our sleep patterns, leading to difficulty falling and staying asleep.

Mental health is also impacted by the fast-paced nature of our modern lives. When we are constantly on the go, our minds can become overwhelmed, leading to feelings of anxiety and depression. Taking time to slow down and relax can help to reduce stress and improve mental health.

By setting aside time to relax and unwind, we can give our bodies and minds the chance to rest and restore themselves. This can involve activities such as meditation, yoga, or simply taking a walk in nature. By taking the time to slow down and prioritize our own well-being, we can improve our overall emotional health.

But perhaps the biggest reason to slow down is because it can help us find a sense of balance and happiness in our lives. When we’re always going at breakneck speed, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s truly important and what brings us joy. By slowing down, we can take the time to reflect on our values and priorities and make sure that we’re aligning our actions with what truly matters to us.

So, how can you slow down in this fast-paced world? Here are a few tips:
- Set aside some time each day to disconnect from technology and just be present. This could be as simple as taking a walk in nature or sitting in a quiet space and just taking some deep breaths.
- Practice mindfulness meditation or other forms of mindfulness, such as journaling or coloring. These activities can help you focus on the present moment and find some peace and tranquility.
- Make a conscious effort to simplify your life. This could mean decluttering your home, streamlining your schedule, or letting go of activities or obligations that don’t bring you joy.
- Take breaks and give yourself permission to relax. It’s okay to take a break from work or other responsibilities and just do something that brings you joy.
Slowing down might not come naturally in a world that values productivity and speed, but it’s so worth it. By taking the time to slow down and be more present, we can be more productive, healthier, and happier. So go ahead, take a deep breath, and remember to slow down once in a while. You’ll be glad you did.

Take a deep breathe. Take a moment. Slow down a little. It’ll all be ok.

Grace and peace

Dean
December 19, 2022
7 moments to a better YOU
Hello friends, I hope you’re well and that you’re building the life that you always dreamed of. Your dollhouse dreams, your fairytale ending, its all in you and I hope you find some of that today. Here are 7 simple ideas to hopefully keep us all on the right track to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
- Make a commitment to yourself to improve every day.
This means that you are dedicated to learning, self-improvement, and personal development on a daily basis. It’s about setting goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, even when it’s challenging. This can involve things like learning new skills, setting aside time for personal growth activities, or seeking out opportunities to challenge yourself and stretch your abilities. By making a commitment to grow daily, you are setting yourself up for long-term success and positioning yourself for continuous learning and improvement. It’s important to remember that growth and development are ongoing processes, and making a commitment to them means that you are willing to put in the time and effort to continuously improve and evolve as a person.
- Don’t just focus on the end result, appreciate the journey and learning along the way.
Point 2 is about valuing the process more than the outcome or end result. This means that you recognize that the journey and the learning along the way are just as important, if not more so, than the final destination. It’s about being present in the moment and enjoying the process of working towards a goal, rather than just focusing on the end result. This can involve things like embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than seeing them as failures. By valuing the process, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you are able to stay open to new opportunities and experiences that may arise along the way, rather than being too focused on a specific end result.
- Don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started, just start now.
Point 3 is about not waiting for inspiration or the perfect moment to get started on something. THERE IS NO PERFECT MOMENT! Lemme say this again, THERE IS NO MOMENT, THIS IS “IT”!

This means that you recognize that inspiration and motivation can come and go, and that it’s important to just take action and get started, even when you don’t feel particularly inspired or motivated. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to take control of your own progress and move forward, rather than being held back by your own lack of motivation or inspiration. This can involve things like setting small, achievable goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, or breaking larger goals down into smaller steps and tackling them one at a time. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, even when you don’t feel particularly motivated. Additionally, by taking action and getting started, you may find that you become more inspired and motivated as you progress, which can help to keep you moving forward.
- Be willing to give up short-term pleasure for long-term growth and success.
Point 4 is about being willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure or comfort for long-term opportunity or growth. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to achieve your goals or reach your full potential, you may need to make sacrifices in the present.

Having kids makes us see this, they have absolutely not patience to wait, and if we can just convince them to wait another week, its gonna be better and greater than they can imagine. Convincing my son Daniel to just wait a little longer, it’ll be worth it is half of raising him… This can involve things like giving up leisure time or activities that you enjoy in order to focus on your goals, or taking on additional responsibilities or challenges that may be uncomfortable or difficult in the short term but will ultimately help you to grow and develop in the long term. By being willing to make these sacrifices, you are able to focus on your priorities and stay committed to your goals, even when it’s not easy. It’s important to remember that these sacrifices are often temporary, and that by making them, you are positioning yourself for long-term success and growth.
- Don’t be afraid to dream big and set high goals for yourself.
Point 5 is about dreaming big and setting high goals for yourself. The classic, if your dreams don’t scare you, they NOT BIG ENOUGH! It means that you are not afraid to think big and aim high, and that you believe in your own ability to achieve your goals, no matter how ambitious they may be. By dreaming big, you are able to set your sights on what you really want to achieve in life, rather than settling for less. It’s important to remember that your goals don’t have to be realistic or achievable in the short term, but rather they should be something that inspires and motivates you to work towards them. By dreaming big and setting high goals, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by setting big goals for yourself, you are able to push yourself to reach your full potential and achieve things that you may not have thought possible.

“Why would you want to settle for staring at the ceiling when you were meant to stare at the stars” – DC
- Make a plan and prioritize your tasks to ensure you stay on track.
This is ALL about planning your priorities and organizing your tasks in order to achieve your goals. This means that you take the time to think about what is most important to you and what needs to be done in order to achieve your goals. It involves creating a plan and organizing your tasks in a way that allows you to focus on your priorities and stay on track. This can involve things like making a to-do list, setting deadlines for yourself, or using tools and techniques like time management or goal setting to help you stay organized and focused. Here I try and think in 3 stages.
- 2 weeks
- 6 weeks
- 12 weeks
Here I can see what needs to happen by the end of next week and what the next 3 months looks like. We can’t do more than that… By planning your priorities and organizing your tasks, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, rather than getting overwhelmed or sidetracked by less important tasks. PLAN and be PROACTIVE rather than being UNPLANNED and REACTIVE all the time.

“Urgent will always trump important in any environment” – DC

And urgent just always seems to sneak up on us and our lives. It’s important to remember that this process is ongoing and that you will need to continuously review and adjust your plan as your priorities change or new challenges arise. But thats all on you, you run your calendar, you calendar does not run you!
1. Be willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential.
Point 7 is about being willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to grow and improve, you may need to let go of certain things that are holding you back. This can involve things like letting go of negative thoughts or beliefs that limit your potential, or letting go of relationships or situations that are no longer serving you. Are there some things that you’re still holding onto that you should have dropped years ago?Hurt or unforgiveness that are the loudest voices in your head?

By being willing to let go, you are able to make room for new opportunities and experiences that will help you to grow and develop. It’s important to remember that letting go can be difficult, and that it may involve facing your fears or making difficult decisions. However, by being willing to let go, you are able to move forward and reach your full potential, rather than being held back by things that are no longer serving you.

DC signing off

Grace and peace friends,

I hope you find what you’re looking for.
December 19, 2022
Leadership according to Rob Bell (No Hell)

Firstly. Like before you even go there, don’t. Rob Bell No Hell is completely taken out of context and his book Love Wins honestly changed my life, like its up there with C.S. Lewis and Mere Christianity.

Love wins.

Rob is well known for his belief that the truth can be found in any religion or worldview. In his book, he discusses the controversy surrounding the Christian belief in hell as eternal, conscious torment, and suggests that this belief is misguided and toxic. He does not explicitly endorse the idea of universal reconciliation, but does argue that it is fitting and proper for Christians to hope for it. The book has been met with both criticism and support from various figures within the evangelical community, with some accusing him of promoting uncertainty and others praising him for promoting important conversations about traditional interpretations of scripture. He also challenges the idea of “evacuation theology,” which focuses on individual salvation through getting to heaven, and instead argues that Jesus and the Jewish tradition prioritize the restoration and transformation of this world. Anyway, maybe more on that a little later… First.

Who is Rob Bell?

Robert Holmes Bell Jr. is a well-known American author, speaker, and former pastor. He founded Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, Michigan and served as its pastor until 2012. During his time as pastor, the church was one of the fastest-growing in the United States. Bell is the author of the bestselling book Love Wins and the creator of a series of spiritual films called NOOMA. In 2011, Time magazine included him on its list of the 100 Most Influential People in the World. After leaving Mars Hill, Bell became a freelance writer and speaker, giving talks and appearing on various shows about spirituality and leadership. He also hosts a popular podcast called The Robcast. In 2018, a documentary about Bell called The Heretic was released.

Rob Bell and Leadership?

Leadership is a complex and multifaceted concept that can take many different forms and styles. But I believe Rob has been a notable voice on the topic of leadership. Rob is known for his thought-provoking and insightful insights on a wide range of topics, including leadership, spirituality, and personal growth. In this essay, we will explore some of the key ideas and themes that Rob has written about when it comes to leadership, and how they can be applied in our own lives.

First and foremost, Rob emphasizes the importance of authenticity in leadership. He argues that genuine and authentic leaders are those who are true to themselves and their values, and who are able to inspire and empower others by being a genuine and relatable role model. This means that leaders should not be afraid to be vulnerable and to admit when they are wrong or uncertain, as this is often what allows them to connect with others in a meaningful way.

At the same time, Rob also stresses the importance of courage and resilience in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to take risks and face challenges head-on, even when it is difficult or uncomfortable to do so. This requires a level of inner strength and resilience that allows leaders to stay true to their values and convictions, even in the face of opposition or setbacks.

Another key theme that Rob writes about when it comes to leadership is the idea of service. He argues that true leaders are those who are driven by a desire to help and serve others, rather than seeking power or personal gain. This means that leaders should be focused on finding ways to make a positive impact on the world around them, and should be willing to put the needs of others ahead of their own.

Finally, Rob also emphasizes the importance of creativity and innovation in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to think outside the box and come up with new and innovative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives.

Here is where I get really excited and know how key this is for what it means to navigate this new world we live in today, a world where the “real” meets the “unreal”.

The final point that I made in this essay is that true leaders are those who are creative and innovative. This means that they are able to think outside the box and come up with new and creative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives. (See previous post where I talk about Bezelel and Moses)

One of the key benefits of being a creative and innovative leader is that it allows you to stay ahead of the curve and anticipate challenges that may arise in the future. By constantly seeking out new and innovative approaches to problem-solving, you can stay one step ahead and be better prepared to tackle any obstacles that come your way.

In addition, being a creative and innovative leader can also help you to inspire and motivate others. When people see their leaders taking a proactive and forward-thinking approach to problem-solving, it can give them the confidence and motivation to do the same. This can help to create a positive and energizing work environment, where everyone feels empowered to contribute their own ideas and take an active role in driving change.

To be a creative and innovative leader, it is important to have an open and curious mind, and to be willing to try new things and take calculated risks. This may require stepping out of your comfort zone and being willing to challenge the status quo. However, the rewards of being a creative and innovative leader can be significant, both for you and for the people that you lead. By embracing this aspect of leadership, you can help to create a dynamic and forward-thinking culture that is able to adapt and thrive in an ever-changing world.

Overall, the leadership style of Rob Bell is characterized by authenticity, courage, resilience, a focus on service, and a commitment to creativity and innovation. By embracing these qualities, we can all strive to be better leaders in our own lives, and make a positive impact on the world around us. So, we should always try to be a good leader and a role model for others.

From little old me, Dean, in a small town in South Africa called PE, I wanna say thank you Rob. Love you man.

Grace and Peace

Dean

December 19, 2022
I’ve always heard this saying, “It’s lonely at the top” or “leadership is lonely…”. But surely it doesn’t have to be that way…

Loneliness is haunting. Jesus talks more about friendship than he does loveliness. He talks more about friendship than he does what we wanna try and understand as “leadership”… Jesus said, follow me, let’s hang out, let’s be friends… Lemme GUIDE you (More on leadership as GUIDANCE coming soon)

I recently read a book about the dangers of loneliness in leadership, and my response was something like “Duh!” Loneliness is one of the most dangerous things to happen to any leader. But what does it mean for a leader to be lonely?

How a leader’s loneliness can affect the whole church

The impacts of loneliness on you as a leader are not just personal. As the head of your organization, the way you feel and act can affect the whole church. Lonely leaders can be more susceptible to depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse, and even suicide. These things can affect the entire vision and direction of a ministry or organization. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:12 that “there is a way that seems right to a man but its end is death” (emphasis mine). This verse reminds us that there are consequences for sinning—including breaking God’s principles for leading well—which can lead to terrible consequences for those who follow along with those sins against God.

How do you know if a leader is lonely or just aloof?

You’ve probably seen aloof leaders before. They’re the ones who don’t listen, aren’t engaged and have a hard time collaborating with others. While this type of leader may seem like a total jerk, they can actually be lonely.

Lonely leaders are more likely to behave in this way because they are disengaged from their team and have poor relationships with them. According to Lisa DeMarinis, author of “Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Leading Teams,” loneliness is “the sense that you don’t matter or count in the world.” These feelings can make people feel insecure about themselves, which leads them to act in ways that make others think they aren’t capable of leading effectively (like being aloof).

How do you know if your own leadership style is lonely? It’s important to understand that loneliness can be both a cause and an effect of poor relationships. DeMarinis said that “being aloof isn’t the only way to lead, but it’s certainly one of them.”

Where does a leader find a real friend?

Church leaders should be friends with other church leaders.

The loneliness of leadership will sometimes seep into your life, and you need someone to talk to that understands the unique stressors of being in ministry. You can’t expect your spouse or family to understand all that goes into leading people’s lives and having them respond positively or negatively because they don’t know what it’s like for you—they’ve never worked in ministry. Your best bet may be other pastors who are facing similar struggles and who know exactly what you’re going through because they’re experiencing it themselves!

A real friend is one who knows your struggles, but doesn’t let them define you. We all have things in our past that we regret or wish we could change—things that may have happened years ago and are now just a memory. But for some reason, those memories tend to take on a life of their own and become more important than they should be.

Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team.

Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team. Lonely leaders are more likely to be stressed and anxious than their non-lonely counterparts, who in turn are more prone to depression, burnout and other forms of disengagement. The effect can go both ways: when you’re feeling isolated yourself, you may find it harder to relate to your employees.

But being lonely doesn’t just affect your mood, it can also hurt your ability to make good decisions. According to studies by psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, loneliness increases bias and makes people more likely to rely on stereotypes when making judgments about others.

Conclusion

So, how do we fix this? First, we need to admit that it’s a problem—not just for individual leaders but for the church as a whole. I’m not saying that every pastor needs to have a best friend or that every church leader should be married (although those are good things!). But everyone needs someone they can truly count on and trust with their deepest fears and joys. Second, we need Christians who aren’t afraid of vulnerability themselves because they have experienced God’s love in such radical ways that they can pour out their hearts freely without worrying about being rejected or abandoned by others.

December 18, 2022