Dean Cothill

Tag: How to say no

  • How can I learn from my past to benefit my future?

    How can I learn from my past to benefit my future?

    John C Maxwell once said, “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” I’m not gonna tell John what to do but I’d obviously add “woman” there…

    Being a stand-up guy means owning up to your mistakes. We all make them, it’s just part of being human. But it takes a certain kind of strength to admit when you’re wrong and to try to learn from it. It takes a certain kind of intelligence, too. After all, if you’re not smart enough to see where you went wrong, how are you going to avoid making the same mistake again in the future?

    Admitting that you’ve made a mistake can be tough, especially if it’s a mistake that has had significant consequences or caused harm to others, friends or family. It takes a certain kind of strength and character to be able to look at yourself honestly and admit when you’ve messed up. But it’s not just about admitting the mistake – it’s also about learning from it.

    One way to profit from your mistakes is to take some time to reflect on what went wrong and why. What led you to make the mistake in the first place? Were there warning signs that you ignored or didn’t pay attention to? What can you do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake again? These are all important questions to ask yourself as you try to learn from your mistakes.

    Another way to profit from your mistakes is to seek out the advice and guidance of others. Maybe you made a mistake in your personal life and could benefit from the perspective of a trusted friend or family member. Or maybe you made a mistake at work and could use the guidance of a mentor or supervisor. Whatever the case may be, seeking out the advice of others can help you gain a new perspective on your mistake and figure out how to move forward in a positive way.

    Finally, it’s important to remember that admitting and learning from your mistakes is just the first step. In order to truly profit from your mistakes, you need to have the strength and determination to actually correct them. This might mean making amends with someone you’ve hurt, changing certain behaviors or habits, or even starting a new project or venture in an effort to right the wrongs of the past. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to correct the mistakes we’ve made, but it’s an essential part of the process of learning and growing as a person.

    In short, admitting your mistakes and learning from them is just the beginning. It takes real strength and determination to actually correct the mistakes we’ve made and move forward in a positive direction. But with the right attitude and approach, it’s possible to turn even the biggest mistakes into valuable learning experiences that help us grow and improve as individuals.

    So, to sum it up: being a man (or a woman, for that matter LOL) means having the courage to admit your mistakes, the brains to learn from them, and the strength to correct them. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. After all, we all make mistakes, but it’s how we handle them that really defines us as people. So, be big enough to admit your mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.

    • So husbands, go say sorry to your partners
    • Moms go say sorry to your kids
    • Teachers go say sorry to your pupils
    • Friends go say sorry to each other
    • Maybe today, you gotta say sorry to yourself? Forgive yourself? and figure out how to make the next necessary steps?
    • Make that phone call
    • text that friends
    • Mend that fence

    Maybe a closing mantra, “forgive me, as I forgive others…”

    Grace and Peace

    D

  • Saying “NO” is the hardest thing…

    Saying “NO” is the hardest thing…

    I have a confession to make, I am a people pleaser. I honestly hate the idea that someone might not like me cause I said NO to them… I mean, I can do the thing they’re asking, no worries. I wish I learnt how to say NO sooner.

    Being a people pleaser means trying to please or accommodate others at the expense of your own needs and desires. People pleasers may go out of their way to avoid conflict, make others happy, or gain approval and acceptance. They may feel pressure to say yes to requests or to conform to the expectations of others, even if it means sacrificing their own goals or values.

    People pleasing can be motivated by a desire to be liked or to avoid criticism or rejection. However, constantly trying to please others can be emotionally and physically draining, and can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and low self-esteem. It can also prevent people from expressing their own needs and opinions and from setting healthy boundaries.

    If you think you might be a people pleaser, it can be helpful to take time to reflect on your own values and priorities and to practice setting boundaries and communicating your own needs and desires. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

    Saying no can be difficult, especially if you tend to be a people-pleaser or if you feel guilty when you turn down requests. However, it’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and well-being. Here are some tips for learning to say no:

    1. Practice self-awareness: Take a moment to think about what you really want and need. Consider your values, goals, and priorities, and use these to guide your decisions.
    2. Be direct and firm: When you say no, be clear and direct. Avoid hedging or apologizing excessively, as this can undermine your message.
    3. Use “I” statements: Rather than blaming or criticizing others, use “I” statements to express your own thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of saying “You’re being unreasonable,” you could say “I don’t feel comfortable with that request.”
    4. Offer an alternative: If you’re unable to fulfill a request, consider suggesting an alternative solution or compromise. This can help the other person understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to accept your decision.
    5. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations: Start by saying no to small requests or invitations that don’t matter much to you. This can help you build confidence and become more comfortable with the process.
    6. Remember that it’s okay to say no: It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t let guilt or fear of disappointing others keep you from making decisions that are best for you.

    I hope this helps.

    Grace and peace,

    Dean