I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?
Love yourself.
We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.
You matter.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?
Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life.
Self-care
For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…
Daily grind and self care
I am not here, I have not arrived. We are coming out of a 3 year lock down, pandemic, 2019 shambles, which put so many other stresses on what it meant to be parents and have kids. Some of us even have lock down babies and I’m sure we gonna be hearing more and more about what this means for us as more and more people do research and studies on this. What I do hope you hear me saying though is this, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a need. To be able to care for our children, we must first take care of ourselves. We must never forget that our children are at their best when we are. “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,” Brené Brown explains.
If you have ever heard me talk in any way shape or form, you will have heard me talk about my kids. They are both the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I mean this in the most beautiful, wonderful way possible. This paradox is the wildest thing to ever happen to me.
It’s mean it’s common to hear people say that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to them, and in many respects, this is true. A person’s life can become incredibly joyful, fulfilling, and purposeful after having children. It is equally true, though, that becoming a parent may be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person, responsibility goes through the roof, bills go through the roof, time goes out the window and you can say goodbye to sleep; everything changes. The paradox of parenting is this basic idea.
Dad walking with kids in his arms
The best things about being a parent
The hugs
The snuggles
This insane feeling of being in love
Seeing everything from a different angle
A toddlers laugh and giggles
The value of new life
seeing their personalities grow and evolve
On the one hand, having children enables us to feel the intense love and bond that can only result from caring for another person. It enables us to be a guiding factor in their lives, to see them grow and develop, to share in their victories and accomplishments. We have the chance to influence the world in which the next generation will live by imparting our values and teachings to them.
Having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life in a number of ways. For starters, the bond between a parent and a child is like no other. It is a deep love that is rooted in the unique connection that is formed during the process of raising a child. This bond is not only emotionally satisfying, but it can also be a source of great pride and accomplishment. Watching your child grow and develop, and being a part of their life as they discover new things and reach new milestones, is an incredibly rewarding experience.
Mom and daughter hugging
In addition to the emotional benefits of having children, they can also bring purpose and meaning to one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to shape the next generation and to pass on your values and teachings to your children. You can be a role model and a guiding force in their lives, helping to shape the kind of person they will become. This sense of purpose and meaning can be incredibly fulfilling and can give one’s life a greater sense of direction and significance.
laughing mom and child
Finally, having children can also bring a sense of joy and happiness to one’s life simply by the presence of another person to share life’s experiences with. Whether it’s spending quality time together, making memories, or simply having someone to laugh and be silly with, having children can bring an added level of joy and happiness to one’s life. Overall, while having children does come with its challenges, the rewards and joys that they bring can be truly unparalleled.
Where the tread hits the tar and the realities settle in
However, and I think we all know this, LOL, having children also necessitates a great deal of sacrifice, everything of who you are on the table, the floor and every other part of the house… It could take a toll on your body and emotions, and it might leave you with little time for self-care or hobbies. In addition, because children need so many services and supports, it can be expensive. For the good part of the last 4 years, most of my money has gone to poo, yes I said it, poo. NAPPIES! All that money and all that poo. Time, money and energy all take a complete overhaul.
Additionally, there is a significant degree of strain and duty associated with parenting. It can be challenging to be a parent and be responsible for the growth and well-being of another person. You might be concerned for their future, education, and safety. Additionally, you could experience pressure to be a perfect parent, which can make you feel inadequate and guilty when you unavoidably make mistakes.
Having children can be a great responsibility and it is natural for parents to feel pressure to do their best for their children. This pressure can come from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, a desire to provide the best for one’s children, and a sense of responsibility for their well-being and future. This pressure can be difficult to handle and can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when mistakes are made or when things do not go as planned.
In addition to the pressure to be a perfect parent, there is also the responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible, compassionate, and successful adult. This can be a daunting task, as it requires patience, guidance, and a constant effort to teach and model good behavior. It can also be stressful, as you worry about your child’s safety, their education, and their future.
Furthermore, raising children can be physically and emotionally draining. It requires a great deal of time, energy, and attention, and it can be difficult to find time for self-care or personal interests. It can also be financially demanding, as children require a great deal of resources and support. I’m trying to stay in the gym just so that I can be fit and healthy to keep up with my kids. You ever had to carry two kids up that dune at sards? (I write while crying…)
Overall, while having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it is also a challenging and demanding role that comes with a great deal of responsibility and pressure. It is up to each individual to decide if the rewards of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices and challenges.
The paradox of parenting is that having kids may simultaneously bring the greatest joys and the worst problems into our life. Yes, it’s safe to say that parenting is hands down the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and effort, and it can be physically and emotionally draining. But despite the challenges, the joy, fulfillment, and love that comes from raising a child is second to none. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a parent and a child and watching your little one grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, parenting is hard work, but the rewards that come with it make it all worth it. So don’t let the challenges discourage you, embrace them and take pride in the fact that you’re doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world – raising the next generation. So hang in there, parenting may be tough, but the love and fulfillment it brings is worth it.
Parenting is either (NOW)(HERE) or (NO)(WHERE)
If you look at the word NOWHERE, you can read it in two ways, and I believe it’s the same for when we are with our kids. You are either THERE, in that moment, OR, you are there and there and there and on your phone and thinking about work while pushing a swing, the, you are actually NO WHERE.
Being present with your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but trust me, they will cherish the memories of the time you spent together. Before you know it, they will be all grown up, making their own weekend plans, and you’ll be left wondering where the time went. So take the opportunity to be present with your child while you can. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and really engage with them. Play a game, go for a walk, have a conversation – whatever it is, make it count. These moments will not only be special for your child, but they will also bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. So don’t let the busyness of life get in the way, make time for your child and be present with them – it’s the greatest gift you can give.
