Brené Brown, a well-known researcher and author, has a mantra that she believes can help people be more authentic: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Essentially, this means that when we are faced with situations that cause us to feel vulnerable, we tend to either shrink away or puff ourselves up in order to protect ourselves. However, Brown suggests that instead of resorting to these knee-jerk reactions, we should stand our ground and be true to ourselves.
Now lets try something, MEN struggle with vulnerability than women right?
It is not accurate to say that men generally struggle with vulnerability more than women. Vulnerability can be a challenging experience for people of all genders (and non-genders – I know and I am sorry), and there are many factors that can influence an individual’s ability to be vulnerable.
One possible reason that men may struggle with vulnerability more than women is that traditional gender roles often dictate that men should be strong and self-sufficient, while women are expected to be emotional and nurturing. These societal expectations can make it more difficult for men to express vulnerability, as it may be seen as a sign of weakness.
However, it is important to note that these gender roles are culturally constructed and not inherent to men or women. Additionally, individual differences and personal experiences can also play a role in how comfortable someone is with vulnerability. Some people may have had positive experiences with vulnerability and find it easier to be open and honest, while others may have had negative experiences and may be more hesitant to be vulnerable.
It is important to recognize that vulnerability is a natural and necessary part of human connection, and that everyone can benefit from being able to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
But why do we shrink or puff up in the first place? It’s often a natural response to adversity, as it’s a way to protect ourselves from shame, fear, and vulnerability. When we feel threatened or judged, we might shrink away, hiding or self-deprecating in order to avoid further harm. On the other hand, when we feel insecure, we might puff ourselves up, grandstanding or bullying in order to feel more in control. As kids, we have built up certain mechanisms to protect ourselves and many of us adults, as still using the same strategies.
But what’s the alternative? According to Brown, the key is to stand your sacred ground. This means being true to yourself and not letting others push you around or make you feel small. It’s about standing up for what you believe in and not being afraid to show your true self, even in the face of adversity.
So how do we do this? One key is to recognize when we are shrinking or puffing up, and to try to understand why. For example, if someone makes us feel small, we might ask ourselves what insecurities are being triggered and how we can address them. Similarly, if we find ourselves puffing up in order to feel more in control, we might try to understand what is causing that insecurity and find healthier ways to cope.
Take a moment to PAUSE here. READ THAT AGAIN!
It’s also important to remember that we all have the ability to make others shrink or puff up, either intentionally or unintentionally. It’s worth taking the time to reflect on our own actions and how they might impact others. Do we recognize when we are making others feel small, and do we try to stop it? Do we learn from our mistakes and try to do better in the future?
Ultimately, the key to standing your sacred ground is to be true to yourself and not let others define you. It’s about being confident in who you are and not letting fear or insecurity hold you back. So the next time you find yourself faced with adversity, remember Brené Brown’s mantra: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Keep an eye out for another post coming soon around Moses and the Holy Ground he found himself on.
As you go through your day, it’s important to ask yourself what it is that you truly want out of this world and out of your life. Is it success and prosperity? Is it happiness and fulfillment? Whatever it may be, it’s essential to take some time to reflect on these desires and consider how they align with your values and goals.
PLEASE remember, this is the only life you have, and it’s up to you to make the most of it. I mean as I type that it sounds so stupid, obviously this is my only life Dean, DUH! But… When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to think about what it is that you want to achieve that day. Are there any specific goals or tasks that you want to accomplish? As you go about your day, keep these desires at the forefront of your mind and strive to work towards them with determination and purpose.
“This is your life, are you who you want to be?” – Jon Foreman
As you interact with your friends and loved ones, consider what it is that you want from these relationships. Do you want to build strong, lasting connections with those around you? Do you want to support and encourage one another as you work towards your individual goals? These are important questions to ask as you navigate your social interactions and cultivate the relationships that matter most to you.
Finally, as you lay down to sleep at night, take a moment to reflect on the day that has passed and consider what it is that you really want from your life as a whole. Do you want to make a positive impact on the world around you? Do you want to achieve personal and professional success? Whatever it may be, it’s important to hold onto these desires and work towards them with passion and purpose.
So, ask yourself: what do you really want from your life? This is your chance to chase after your dreams and make them a reality. Don’t let this opportunity slip away. Do you want to be successful? Then go out and make it happen! With hard work, dedication, and a clear vision of what it is you want to achieve, you can make your dreams a reality and live a fulfilling, meaningful life.
BUT WHAT IS SUCCESS?
Success is a multifaceted concept that can be difficult to define, but at its core, it is about finding and fulfilling your purpose in life. It is about constantly striving to grow and reach your maximum potential, not just in terms of career or financial success, but in all aspects of your life. Success is also about making a positive impact on the world around you, by planting seeds that benefit others.
To truly achieve success, it is important to first identify what your purpose is. This can be a challenging process, and may involve some introspection and self-discovery. It may involve asking yourself what truly matters to you and what you are passionate about. It may also involve identifying your strengths and areas for improvement, and finding ways to use those skills and talents to make a difference in the world. Some questions later on that…
Identifying your purpose in life can be a challenging process, and may involve some introspection and self-discovery, but like a Mark Twain once said “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
It is about figuring out what truly matters to you and what you are passionate about. This may involve looking back on your past experiences and asking yourself what has brought you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. It may also involve looking ahead and thinking about what you want to accomplish and the impact you want to make in the world.
To identify your purpose, it may be helpful to ask yourself some questions, such as:
What do I love doing?
What are my values and what is important to me?
What skills and talents do I have that I can use to make a positive difference in the world?
What are my goals and aspirations?
What makes me happy and fulfilled?
What “seeds” could I plant that could benefit others (more on this in a later video)
It may also be helpful to seek guidance and advice from others, such as friends, family, mentors, or therapists. They may be able to offer valuable insights and perspectives that can help you clarify your purpose.
Once you have identified your purpose, it is important to set goals and work towards them. This may involve setting short-term and long-term goals, and taking small steps towards achieving them. It may also involve seeking out opportunities for growth and learning, such as through education, training, or new experiences. By setting goals and working towards them, you can stay motivated and focused on your purpose, and make progress towards achieving your aspirations.
As you work towards your goals and grow as an individual, it is also important to remember the importance of planting seeds that benefit others. This can take many forms, such as volunteering your time, making charitable donations, or simply being kind and compassionate towards those around you. Even by planting a seed of an idea for a friend could be incredibly meaningful to them.
“Can I plant a seed?” – DC
By helping others and giving back to your community, you can make a positive impact on the world and contribute to the greater good.
What is success? What does it even mean to be successful? My parents would have different answers, their parents would also have completely different answers, for me, success is about knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and planting seeds that benefit others. By focusing on these key areas, you can create a meaningful and fulfilling life that is rich in purpose and impact, and hey, it might even make you and your people, happy.
Hello friends, I hope you’re well and that you’re building the life that you always dreamed of. Your dollhouse dreams, your fairytale ending, its all in you and I hope you find some of that today. Here are 7 simple ideas to hopefully keep us all on the right track to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Make a commitment to yourself to improve every day.
This means that you are dedicated to learning, self-improvement, and personal development on a daily basis. It’s about setting goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, even when it’s challenging. This can involve things like learning new skills, setting aside time for personal growth activities, or seeking out opportunities to challenge yourself and stretch your abilities. By making a commitment to grow daily, you are setting yourself up for long-term success and positioning yourself for continuous learning and improvement. It’s important to remember that growth and development are ongoing processes, and making a commitment to them means that you are willing to put in the time and effort to continuously improve and evolve as a person.
Don’t just focus on the end result, appreciate the journey and learning along the way.
Point 2 is about valuing the process more than the outcome or end result. This means that you recognize that the journey and the learning along the way are just as important, if not more so, than the final destination. It’s about being present in the moment and enjoying the process of working towards a goal, rather than just focusing on the end result. This can involve things like embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than seeing them as failures. By valuing the process, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you are able to stay open to new opportunities and experiences that may arise along the way, rather than being too focused on a specific end result.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started, just start now.
Point 3 is about not waiting for inspiration or the perfect moment to get started on something. THERE IS NO PERFECT MOMENT! Lemme say this again, THERE IS NO MOMENT, THIS IS “IT”!
This means that you recognize that inspiration and motivation can come and go, and that it’s important to just take action and get started, even when you don’t feel particularly inspired or motivated. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to take control of your own progress and move forward, rather than being held back by your own lack of motivation or inspiration. This can involve things like setting small, achievable goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, or breaking larger goals down into smaller steps and tackling them one at a time. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, even when you don’t feel particularly motivated. Additionally, by taking action and getting started, you may find that you become more inspired and motivated as you progress, which can help to keep you moving forward.
Be willing to give up short-term pleasure for long-term growth and success.
Point 4 is about being willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure or comfort for long-term opportunity or growth. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to achieve your goals or reach your full potential, you may need to make sacrifices in the present.
Having kids makes us see this, they have absolutely not patience to wait, and if we can just convince them to wait another week, its gonna be better and greater than they can imagine. Convincing my son Daniel to just wait a little longer, it’ll be worth it is half of raising him… This can involve things like giving up leisure time or activities that you enjoy in order to focus on your goals, or taking on additional responsibilities or challenges that may be uncomfortable or difficult in the short term but will ultimately help you to grow and develop in the long term. By being willing to make these sacrifices, you are able to focus on your priorities and stay committed to your goals, even when it’s not easy. It’s important to remember that these sacrifices are often temporary, and that by making them, you are positioning yourself for long-term success and growth.
Don’t be afraid to dream big and set high goals for yourself.
Point 5 is about dreaming big and setting high goals for yourself. The classic, if your dreams don’t scare you, they NOT BIG ENOUGH! It means that you are not afraid to think big and aim high, and that you believe in your own ability to achieve your goals, no matter how ambitious they may be. By dreaming big, you are able to set your sights on what you really want to achieve in life, rather than settling for less. It’s important to remember that your goals don’t have to be realistic or achievable in the short term, but rather they should be something that inspires and motivates you to work towards them. By dreaming big and setting high goals, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by setting big goals for yourself, you are able to push yourself to reach your full potential and achieve things that you may not have thought possible.
“Why would you want to settle for staring at the ceiling when you were meant to stare at the stars” – DC
Make a plan and prioritize your tasks to ensure you stay on track.
This is ALL about planning your priorities and organizing your tasks in order to achieve your goals. This means that you take the time to think about what is most important to you and what needs to be done in order to achieve your goals. It involves creating a plan and organizing your tasks in a way that allows you to focus on your priorities and stay on track. This can involve things like making a to-do list, setting deadlines for yourself, or using tools and techniques like time management or goal setting to help you stay organized and focused. Here I try and think in 3 stages.
2 weeks
6 weeks
12 weeks
Here I can see what needs to happen by the end of next week and what the next 3 months looks like. We can’t do more than that… By planning your priorities and organizing your tasks, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, rather than getting overwhelmed or sidetracked by less important tasks. PLAN and be PROACTIVE rather than being UNPLANNED and REACTIVE all the time.
“Urgent will always trump important in any environment” – DC
And urgent just always seems to sneak up on us and our lives. It’s important to remember that this process is ongoing and that you will need to continuously review and adjust your plan as your priorities change or new challenges arise. But thats all on you, you run your calendar, you calendar does not run you!
Be willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential.
Point 7 is about being willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to grow and improve, you may need to let go of certain things that are holding you back. This can involve things like letting go of negative thoughts or beliefs that limit your potential, or letting go of relationships or situations that are no longer serving you. Are there some things that you’re still holding onto that you should have dropped years ago?Hurt or unforgiveness that are the loudest voices in your head?
By being willing to let go, you are able to make room for new opportunities and experiences that will help you to grow and develop. It’s important to remember that letting go can be difficult, and that it may involve facing your fears or making difficult decisions. However, by being willing to let go, you are able to move forward and reach your full potential, rather than being held back by things that are no longer serving you.
Firstly. Like before you even go there, don’t. Rob Bell No Hell is completely taken out of context and his book Love Wins honestly changed my life, like its up there with C.S. Lewis and Mere Christianity.
Love wins.
Rob is well known for his belief that the truth can be found in any religion or worldview. In his book, he discusses the controversy surrounding the Christian belief in hell as eternal, conscious torment, and suggests that this belief is misguided and toxic. He does not explicitly endorse the idea of universal reconciliation, but does argue that it is fitting and proper for Christians to hope for it. The book has been met with both criticism and support from various figures within the evangelical community, with some accusing him of promoting uncertainty and others praising him for promoting important conversations about traditional interpretations of scripture. He also challenges the idea of “evacuation theology,” which focuses on individual salvation through getting to heaven, and instead argues that Jesus and the Jewish tradition prioritize the restoration and transformation of this world. Anyway, maybe more on that a little later… First.
Who is Rob Bell?
Robert Holmes Bell Jr. is a well-known American author, speaker, and former pastor. He founded Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, Michigan and served as its pastor until 2012. During his time as pastor, the church was one of the fastest-growing in the United States. Bell is the author of the bestselling book Love Wins and the creator of a series of spiritual films called NOOMA. In 2011, Time magazine included him on its list of the 100 Most Influential People in the World. After leaving Mars Hill, Bell became a freelance writer and speaker, giving talks and appearing on various shows about spirituality and leadership. He also hosts a popular podcast called The Robcast. In 2018, a documentary about Bell called The Heretic was released.
Rob Bell and Leadership?
Leadership is a complex and multifaceted concept that can take many different forms and styles. But I believe Rob has been a notable voice on the topic of leadership. Rob is known for his thought-provoking and insightful insights on a wide range of topics, including leadership, spirituality, and personal growth. In this essay, we will explore some of the key ideas and themes that Rob has written about when it comes to leadership, and how they can be applied in our own lives.
First and foremost, Rob emphasizes the importance of authenticity in leadership. He argues that genuine and authentic leaders are those who are true to themselves and their values, and who are able to inspire and empower others by being a genuine and relatable role model. This means that leaders should not be afraid to be vulnerable and to admit when they are wrong or uncertain, as this is often what allows them to connect with others in a meaningful way.
At the same time, Rob also stresses the importance of courage and resilience in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to take risks and face challenges head-on, even when it is difficult or uncomfortable to do so. This requires a level of inner strength and resilience that allows leaders to stay true to their values and convictions, even in the face of opposition or setbacks.
Another key theme that Rob writes about when it comes to leadership is the idea of service. He argues that true leaders are those who are driven by a desire to help and serve others, rather than seeking power or personal gain. This means that leaders should be focused on finding ways to make a positive impact on the world around them, and should be willing to put the needs of others ahead of their own.
Finally, Rob also emphasizes the importance of creativity and innovation in leadership. He argues that true leaders are those who are able to think outside the box and come up with new and innovative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives.
Here is where I get really excited and know how key this is for what it means to navigate this new world we live in today, a world where the “real” meets the “unreal”.
The final point that I made in this essay is that true leaders are those who are creative and innovative. This means that they are able to think outside the box and come up with new and creative solutions to the challenges that they face. This requires a willingness to take risks and embrace change, as well as an openness to new ideas and perspectives. (See previous post where I talk about Bezelel and Moses)
One of the key benefits of being a creative and innovative leader is that it allows you to stay ahead of the curve and anticipate challenges that may arise in the future. By constantly seeking out new and innovative approaches to problem-solving, you can stay one step ahead and be better prepared to tackle any obstacles that come your way.
In addition, being a creative and innovative leader can also help you to inspire and motivate others. When people see their leaders taking a proactive and forward-thinking approach to problem-solving, it can give them the confidence and motivation to do the same. This can help to create a positive and energizing work environment, where everyone feels empowered to contribute their own ideas and take an active role in driving change.
To be a creative and innovative leader, it is important to have an open and curious mind, and to be willing to try new things and take calculated risks. This may require stepping out of your comfort zone and being willing to challenge the status quo. However, the rewards of being a creative and innovative leader can be significant, both for you and for the people that you lead. By embracing this aspect of leadership, you can help to create a dynamic and forward-thinking culture that is able to adapt and thrive in an ever-changing world.
Overall, the leadership style of Rob Bell is characterized by authenticity, courage, resilience, a focus on service, and a commitment to creativity and innovation. By embracing these qualities, we can all strive to be better leaders in our own lives, and make a positive impact on the world around us. So, we should always try to be a good leader and a role model for others.
From little old me, Dean, in a small town in South Africa called PE, I wanna say thank you Rob. Love you man.
Loneliness is haunting. Jesus talks more about friendship than he does loveliness. He talks more about friendship than he does what we wanna try and understand as “leadership”… Jesus said, follow me, let’s hang out, let’s be friends… Lemme GUIDE you (More on leadership as GUIDANCE coming soon)
I recently read a book about the dangers of loneliness in leadership, and my response was something like “Duh!” Loneliness is one of the most dangerous things to happen to any leader. But what does it mean for a leader to be lonely?
How a leader’s loneliness can affect the whole church
The impacts of loneliness on you as a leader are not just personal. As the head of your organization, the way you feel and act can affect the whole church. Lonely leaders can be more susceptible to depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse, and even suicide. These things can affect the entire vision and direction of a ministry or organization. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:12 that “there is a way that seems right to a man but its end is death” (emphasis mine). This verse reminds us that there are consequences for sinning—including breaking God’s principles for leading well—which can lead to terrible consequences for those who follow along with those sins against God.
How do you know if a leader is lonely or just aloof?
You’ve probably seen aloof leaders before. They’re the ones who don’t listen, aren’t engaged and have a hard time collaborating with others. While this type of leader may seem like a total jerk, they can actually be lonely.
Lonely leaders are more likely to behave in this way because they are disengaged from their team and have poor relationships with them. According to Lisa DeMarinis, author of “Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Leading Teams,” loneliness is “the sense that you don’t matter or count in the world.” These feelings can make people feel insecure about themselves, which leads them to act in ways that make others think they aren’t capable of leading effectively (like being aloof).
How do you know if your own leadership style is lonely? It’s important to understand that loneliness can be both a cause and an effect of poor relationships. DeMarinis said that “being aloof isn’t the only way to lead, but it’s certainly one of them.”
Where does a leader find a real friend?
Church leaders should be friends with other church leaders.
The loneliness of leadership will sometimes seep into your life, and you need someone to talk to that understands the unique stressors of being in ministry. You can’t expect your spouse or family to understand all that goes into leading people’s lives and having them respond positively or negatively because they don’t know what it’s like for you—they’ve never worked in ministry. Your best bet may be other pastors who are facing similar struggles and who know exactly what you’re going through because they’re experiencing it themselves!
A real friend is one who knows your struggles, but doesn’t let them define you. We all have things in our past that we regret or wish we could change—things that may have happened years ago and are now just a memory. But for some reason, those memories tend to take on a life of their own and become more important than they should be.
Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team.
Lonely leaders can cause ripple effects throughout their team. Lonely leaders are more likely to be stressed and anxious than their non-lonely counterparts, who in turn are more prone to depression, burnout and other forms of disengagement. The effect can go both ways: when you’re feeling isolated yourself, you may find it harder to relate to your employees.
But being lonely doesn’t just affect your mood, it can also hurt your ability to make good decisions. According to studies by psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, loneliness increases bias and makes people more likely to rely on stereotypes when making judgments about others.
Conclusion
So, how do we fix this? First, we need to admit that it’s a problem—not just for individual leaders but for the church as a whole. I’m not saying that every pastor needs to have a best friend or that every church leader should be married (although those are good things!). But everyone needs someone they can truly count on and trust with their deepest fears and joys. Second, we need Christians who aren’t afraid of vulnerability themselves because they have experienced God’s love in such radical ways that they can pour out their hearts freely without worrying about being rejected or abandoned by others.
