I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?
Love yourself.
We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.
You matter.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?
Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life.
Self-care
For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…
If you have ever heard me talk in any way shape or form, you will have heard me talk about my kids. They are both the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I mean this in the most beautiful, wonderful way possible. This paradox is the wildest thing to ever happen to me.
It’s mean it’s common to hear people say that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to them, and in many respects, this is true. A person’s life can become incredibly joyful, fulfilling, and purposeful after having children. It is equally true, though, that becoming a parent may be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person, responsibility goes through the roof, bills go through the roof, time goes out the window and you can say goodbye to sleep; everything changes. The paradox of parenting is this basic idea.
Dad walking with kids in his arms
The best things about being a parent
The hugs
The snuggles
This insane feeling of being in love
Seeing everything from a different angle
A toddlers laugh and giggles
The value of new life
seeing their personalities grow and evolve
On the one hand, having children enables us to feel the intense love and bond that can only result from caring for another person. It enables us to be a guiding factor in their lives, to see them grow and develop, to share in their victories and accomplishments. We have the chance to influence the world in which the next generation will live by imparting our values and teachings to them.
Having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life in a number of ways. For starters, the bond between a parent and a child is like no other. It is a deep love that is rooted in the unique connection that is formed during the process of raising a child. This bond is not only emotionally satisfying, but it can also be a source of great pride and accomplishment. Watching your child grow and develop, and being a part of their life as they discover new things and reach new milestones, is an incredibly rewarding experience.
Mom and daughter hugging
In addition to the emotional benefits of having children, they can also bring purpose and meaning to one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to shape the next generation and to pass on your values and teachings to your children. You can be a role model and a guiding force in their lives, helping to shape the kind of person they will become. This sense of purpose and meaning can be incredibly fulfilling and can give one’s life a greater sense of direction and significance.
laughing mom and child
Finally, having children can also bring a sense of joy and happiness to one’s life simply by the presence of another person to share life’s experiences with. Whether it’s spending quality time together, making memories, or simply having someone to laugh and be silly with, having children can bring an added level of joy and happiness to one’s life. Overall, while having children does come with its challenges, the rewards and joys that they bring can be truly unparalleled.
Where the tread hits the tar and the realities settle in
However, and I think we all know this, LOL, having children also necessitates a great deal of sacrifice, everything of who you are on the table, the floor and every other part of the house… It could take a toll on your body and emotions, and it might leave you with little time for self-care or hobbies. In addition, because children need so many services and supports, it can be expensive. For the good part of the last 4 years, most of my money has gone to poo, yes I said it, poo. NAPPIES! All that money and all that poo. Time, money and energy all take a complete overhaul.
Additionally, there is a significant degree of strain and duty associated with parenting. It can be challenging to be a parent and be responsible for the growth and well-being of another person. You might be concerned for their future, education, and safety. Additionally, you could experience pressure to be a perfect parent, which can make you feel inadequate and guilty when you unavoidably make mistakes.
Having children can be a great responsibility and it is natural for parents to feel pressure to do their best for their children. This pressure can come from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, a desire to provide the best for one’s children, and a sense of responsibility for their well-being and future. This pressure can be difficult to handle and can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when mistakes are made or when things do not go as planned.
In addition to the pressure to be a perfect parent, there is also the responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible, compassionate, and successful adult. This can be a daunting task, as it requires patience, guidance, and a constant effort to teach and model good behavior. It can also be stressful, as you worry about your child’s safety, their education, and their future.
Furthermore, raising children can be physically and emotionally draining. It requires a great deal of time, energy, and attention, and it can be difficult to find time for self-care or personal interests. It can also be financially demanding, as children require a great deal of resources and support. I’m trying to stay in the gym just so that I can be fit and healthy to keep up with my kids. You ever had to carry two kids up that dune at sards? (I write while crying…)
Overall, while having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it is also a challenging and demanding role that comes with a great deal of responsibility and pressure. It is up to each individual to decide if the rewards of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices and challenges.
The paradox of parenting is that having kids may simultaneously bring the greatest joys and the worst problems into our life. Yes, it’s safe to say that parenting is hands down the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and effort, and it can be physically and emotionally draining. But despite the challenges, the joy, fulfillment, and love that comes from raising a child is second to none. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a parent and a child and watching your little one grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, parenting is hard work, but the rewards that come with it make it all worth it. So don’t let the challenges discourage you, embrace them and take pride in the fact that you’re doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world – raising the next generation. So hang in there, parenting may be tough, but the love and fulfillment it brings is worth it.
Parenting is either (NOW)(HERE) or (NO)(WHERE)
If you look at the word NOWHERE, you can read it in two ways, and I believe it’s the same for when we are with our kids. You are either THERE, in that moment, OR, you are there and there and there and on your phone and thinking about work while pushing a swing, the, you are actually NO WHERE.
Being present with your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but trust me, they will cherish the memories of the time you spent together. Before you know it, they will be all grown up, making their own weekend plans, and you’ll be left wondering where the time went. So take the opportunity to be present with your child while you can. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and really engage with them. Play a game, go for a walk, have a conversation – whatever it is, make it count. These moments will not only be special for your child, but they will also bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. So don’t let the busyness of life get in the way, make time for your child and be present with them – it’s the greatest gift you can give.
As the year comes to a close and we look towards the new year, it is natural to start thinking about the goals and resolutions we want to set for ourselves. However, it is unfortunate that for many people, the time and effort put into setting these goals often goes to waste. Studies have shown that up to 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, leading some to wonder if it is even worth the effort. But before we give up on goal setting entirely, it is important to understand why resolutions and goals often fail, and what we can do to increase our chances of success.
Do more than just write it down…
One of the main reasons why resolutions and goals fail is that people often don’t go beyond just writing them down. The act of writing down a goal or resolution is certainly a good first step, but it is not enough on its own. Without a plan or a process in place to actually achieve the goal, it becomes nothing more than an intention. For example, hoping to see your church grow without a plan for how to make that happen is simply a hope, and intending to lose weight without a plan for how to do so is just an intention. In both cases, the goal remains nothing more than a wish. Tell some friends, make yourself accountable, post it online and ask your friends to CHECK-IN on you…
Clear, simple, GOALS?
STOP for a second here, what’s on the LIST for January? Just January…
Another reason that resolutions and goals often fail is that people don’t have a clear understanding of what they want to achieve. It is important to be specific and realistic when setting goals. Vague or overly ambitious goals are much less likely to be achieved than specific, achievable goals. For example, a goal of “losing weight” is vague and doesn’t provide any direction or motivation. On the other hand, a goal of “losing 10 pounds in three months by exercising three times a week and eating a healthier diet” is specific and provides a clear plan for how to achieve it.
So go month by month, then term by term, then year by year.
Are your goals “YOUR” goals?
In addition to being specific and having a plan, it is important to consider whether a goal is actually important to you. If a goal is not something that you truly care about, it is much less likely that you will have the motivation and dedication to see it through. It is important to set goals that are meaningful and align with your values and priorities.
Outcome-driven goals, or goals that are focused on the end result, can be motivating in the short term. However, in the long run, process-driven goals, or goals that focus on the steps and actions required to achieve a goal, tend to produce better results. For example, a financial goal of saving R500 per month is a better goal than hoping to see your investments grow by 15%. See goals like planting trees, allow the growth to happen, water the soil, a couple years pass and then you’re actually eating the fruit of those trees, your children are sitting under the shade of those trees and your grand children are now running the farms selling the fruit to neighbouring towns. My goals definitely have my kids in mind, and my kids’ kids.
Are you a man? Are you a man’s man? Are you a ladies man? Ever been told to man up? Suck it up and be a man? Stop crying, boy’s don’t cry? The world we live in have told kids and men in many different ways that there are norms and that there are some things that are on the table and things that aren’t.
So I think it’s important to note that masculinity, like any social construct, is constantly evolving and can vary significantly depending on cultural and historical context. In this response, I will focus on how masculinity has evolved in Western societies over the past five years, but it is worth noting that the experiences and expectations of masculinity can be very different in other parts of the world.
Over the past five years, there has been a growing movement to challenge traditional notions of masculinity and to promote more inclusive and healthy expressions of masculinity. This has included a focus on issues such as toxic masculinity, male privilege, and the harmful effects of rigid gender roles on men and those around them.
One of the key drivers of this shift has been the #MeToo movement, which has brought attention to issues of sexual harassment and assault, particularly as they relate to men’s behavior and the power dynamics between men and women. The #MeToo movement has sparked a broader conversation about the ways in which traditional notions of masculinity can contribute to harmful and oppressive behaviors, and has encouraged men to examine their own actions and beliefs and to consider how they can be part of the solution.
Another factor that has contributed to the evolution of masculinity is the increasing recognition of the importance of mental health and emotional intelligence. In the past, there has often been a stigma attached to men seeking help for mental health issues or expressing emotions other than anger or aggression. However, in recent years there has been a growing understanding that men also experience a range of emotions and that it is important for their overall well-being to be able to express and process these emotions in healthy ways. Coming off the last 3 months, I am going to try and be brave and vulnerable and honest about so many of my struggles and emotional health issues coming off work, stress, anxiety and burnout. (All of which I never saw coming, I mean, I honestly thought it would never happen to me. EVER)
This shift has been driven in part by the LGBTQ+ movement, which has worked to create more inclusive and accepting environments for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations. As a result, there has been a greater acceptance and understanding of the diversity of gender and sexual identities, and a recognition that not all men identify as heterosexual or conform to traditional gender roles.
This shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality has challenged traditional notions of masculinity, which have often been based on rigid and narrow ideas of what it means to be a “man.” By allowing for a wider range of expressions of masculinity, this shift has helped to create a more inclusive and accepting society for people of all genders and sexualities.
It is worth noting that this shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality is not limited to men, but is also applicable to women and those who do not identify with either binary gender. However, for the purposes of this response, I focused specifically on how this shift has affected and challenged traditional notions of masculinity.
Overall, it is clear that masculinity has evolved significantly over the past five years, and will likely continue to evolve in the future. While there is still much work to be done to create more equitable and healthy expressions of masculinity, it is encouraging to see the progress that has been made in recent years.
Having Daniel and Elizabeth has absolutely opened my eyes to what it means to be a “boy” and what it means to be a “girl” and what it means to raise a child.
It is important to recognize that all children are unique individuals and parenting approaches should be tailored to meet the needs and personality of each individual child. That being said, there are some general differences between raising boys and girls that may be worth considering:
Physical differences: Boys and girls may have different physical characteristics and developmental milestones. For example, boys may develop physically and emotionally at a slightly faster pace, and may be more interested in rough-and-tumble play, and soccer, and the World Cup and Ronaldo and that final, and Messi. Girls may mature more slowly and may be more interested in dolls and imaginative play.
Socialization and gender roles: Boys and girls may be socialized differently by society and may be encouraged to exhibit different behaviors based on gender stereotypes. It is important for parents to be aware of these societal expectations and to try to avoid imposing rigid gender roles on their children.
Communication styles: Boys and girls may communicate differently, with boys often being more physically expressive and girls more verbal. It is important for parents to be attuned to their child’s individual communication style and to try to encourage open and honest communication.
Emotional expression: Boys and girls may express their emotions differently. Boys may be more likely to suppress their emotions or to express them through physical aggression, while girls may be more likely to express their emotions through verbal communication. It is important for parents to encourage open and healthy expression of emotions in both boys and girls.
Again, it is important to remember that these are generalizations and that every child is unique. The most important thing is to approach parenting with love, patience, and an open mind, and to be responsive to the needs and personality of your individual child.
So what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a dad?
