Whether its 04:30 alarm clocks and getting to the gym or CrossFit, starting a new hobby or business, following you dreams, hopes and desires for a new year ahead or balancing work and home life to ensure your partner appreciates you as much as your boss does, everything and anything worthwhile, is uphill to quote John C. Maxwell.
In order to truly achieve success and fulfillment in life, it is important to understand that challenges and difficulties are a natural and necessary part of the journey. If something were to be easy, it would lose its value and significance, as it would no longer require effort or dedication to accomplish.
Mountain climbers
Think about it this way: if everyone were able to easily attain their goals and aspirations, what would be the point in striving for them? Without the sense of accomplishment that comes from overcoming obstacles and adversity, we would miss out on the opportunity to grow and develop as individuals. If these goals were easy, everyone would run 100m in under 10 seconds, everyone would scale Mt Everest, everyone would have their own dream company and the closest group of friends, but these things aren’t normal, not everyone goes there.
Furthermore, when we face challenges and work hard to overcome them, we are able to tap into our inner strength and resilience. We learn to persevere in the face of adversity, and we become more confident in our abilities and our capacity to succeed.
In other words, it is precisely because something is difficult that it becomes worthwhile. The process of striving and struggling to achieve a goal is what gives it value, and it is what ultimately leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
So, the next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, remember that it is not meant to be easy. Embrace the difficulty and use it as an opportunity to grow and become the best version of yourself. With hard work, determination, and a positive attitude, you can overcome any obstacle and achieve your dreams. The next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, take it as a sign, that you’re on the right road and that your dreams are closer than you know, that these challenges are actually a high five from the Universe saying, keep going, keep pressing, keep leaning into the life that you have always wanted and dreamed of.
Holding space for someone and giving someone space are two distinct concepts that are often conflated or used interchangeably, but they have significant differences in their meanings and implications on relationships. Here I want to explore these ideas like one would a forest, slowly and gently, watching where we step as to try and see the difference between these two terms and how they can be used effectively in our relationships and communication.
Holding Space VS Giving Space
First, let’s define each term. “Holding space” refers to the act of being present with someone in a non-judgmental and supportive way, without trying to fix or change their experience or emotions. (Men I know this seems impossible and that we want to FIX FIX FIX). It involves actively listening, offering empathy and understanding, and providing a safe and caring environment for the other person to process their feelings and thoughts. “Giving someone space,” on the other hand, means allowing that person the physical or emotional distance they need to deal with their own issues or feelings without interference or pressure. It can involve taking a step back and allowing the other person to have some solitude, or it can mean giving them the time and freedom to work through their emotions on their own. For some, this can be a very lonely and isolating experience. This is why it is so key for us to understand and see the difference in approaches here.
Now that we have a basic understanding of the two concepts, let’s explore the differences between them in more detail.
One key difference between holding space
One key difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement. When you hold space for someone, you are actively present and engaged with that person, offering support and understanding as they navigate their emotions. You are not trying to solve their problems or fix their feelings, but rather you are simply there to be a supportive and caring presence. THATS IT. On the other hand, when you give someone space, you are taking a step back and allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues. You may still be available for support and communication, sending message every once in a while, but you are not as actively involved in their emotional process.
Another difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of emotional connection and intimacy. Holding space for someone involves creating a deep and meaningful connection with that person, where you are able to offer genuine empathy and understanding. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be emotionally open and present with the other person. Giving someone space, on the other hand, involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to deal with their own emotions without interference. It may involve less emotional intimacy and connection, as you are not as actively involved in their emotional process. Here it is also important to take note of whether someone said “they need space” or if you have decided to just “give them space”…
Finally, the timing and context of holding space and giving someone space can also be different. Holding space is typically done in the moment, as a way of being present and supportive with someone who is struggling or dealing with difficult emotions. It is often used as a way of offering comfort and support in the face of adversity or crisis. Giving someone space, on the other hand, may be more appropriate in situations where the other person needs some time and distance to work through their own issues or emotions. It may involve taking a step back and allowing the other person some solitude (loneliness and solitude are two things not to be confused) or independence, in order to give them the time and space they need to process their feelings. (Once again, depending on who initiated which course of action).
The place of EMPATHY and VULNERABILITY…
In friendships, empathy and vulnerability are key ingredients that help to foster deep and meaningful connections. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level by putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Vulnerability, on the other hand, involves being open and authentic with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences even when it may be difficult or uncomfortable.
Both empathy and vulnerability are essential for building and maintaining strong and healthy friendships. Without empathy, it can be difficult to fully understand and support our friends, and we may struggle to connect with them on a deeper level. Without vulnerability, we may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing our true selves with others, which can prevent us from building meaningful and authentic relationships.
By cultivating empathy and vulnerability in our friendships, we can create safe and supportive environments where we can be honest and open with each other, and where we can offer genuine support and understanding to those we care about. Whether we are dealing with joy or sadness, success or failure, by embracing empathy and vulnerability, we can create friendships that are based on genuine connection and support.
So, for me coming out of some dark places and having to fight some memories that have turned into monsters, I really hope this distinction helps someone. I think the main difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement, the level of emotional connection and intimacy, and the timing and context in which they are used. Holding space involves being present and engaged with someone in a supportive and caring way, while giving someone space involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues and emotions. Both can be valuable and important in different situations, and understanding the distinction between them can help us navigate relationships and communication more effectively.
Hey there, so here’s the deal. I want you to take your normal, everyday life – you know, the stuff you do like sleeping, eating, working, and just going about your day – and offer it up to God. Trusting in what God does for you is the best way to honor him. Don’t just blend in with the culture around you without really thinking about it. Instead, focus on God and he will transform you from the inside out. Pay attention to what he wants from you and follow through with it. Unlike the culture that often holds you back, God helps bring out the best in you and helps you grow into a mature and well-rounded person. If you know me you’ll know that I even got Romans 12 tattoo’d on my forearm. (video coming soon)
Romans 12 says it like this… “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Your mind. Your thoughts. Your thinking patterns need renewing. The way you think needs DAILY RENEWING. Almost like a daily wash in the Spirit. Maybe some questions if I may?
How to do you start/end your day?
Do you exercise or even go for a walk?
How much do you read? I don’t mean “drugged up addictive” social media scrolling
Who are your “sources” of inspiration?
How long have you had the routines you got now?
Emotional and mental health are crucial components of effective leadership. In fact, leaders who prioritize their own emotional and mental well-being are often more effective at leading and inspiring others. This is because they are able to create a positive and supportive work environment, make sound decisions, and build trusting and authentic relationships.
One of the key reasons why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it directly affects an individual’s ability to manage stress and handle challenges. Leaders who are emotionally and mentally healthy are better equipped to handle the demands of their roles, and are less likely to become overwhelmed or burnt out. They are also more resilient, and are able to bounce back from setbacks more quickly.
In contrast, leaders who struggle with their emotional and mental health are more likely to make poor decisions, struggle to build positive relationships, and be less productive. They may also be more prone to conflict, and may struggle to create a positive work environment for their team.
Another reason why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it is essential for building trust and authenticity. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own struggles and emotions are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. They also model healthy coping mechanisms, and encourage their team members to prioritize their own well-being.
On the other hand, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team.
Emotional and mental health is particularly important when it comes to building trust and authenticity within a team. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own emotions and struggles are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. When a leader is able to share their own vulnerabilities and struggles, it creates a sense of connection and understanding. It allows team members to feel seen and heard, and to know that their leader is human and has their own challenges. This in turn can create a culture of open and honest communication, where team members feel comfortable sharing their own thoughts and feelings.
In contrast, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team. When team members feel that their leader is not open to hearing their thoughts and feelings, it can create a sense of disconnection and mistrust. This can lead to communication breakdowns, conflicts, and ultimately, a lack of cohesion within the team.
Therefore, it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own emotional and mental health in order to build trust and authenticity within their team. By being open and vulnerable about their own emotions, leaders can create a sense of connection and understanding, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience. Overall, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership, and it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own well-being in order to create a positive and supportive work environment for their team.
In conclusion, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership. It enables leaders to manage stress, make sound decisions, build authentic relationships, and create a positive work environment. By prioritizing their own well-being, leaders can set an example for their team, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience.
I have a confession to make, I am a people pleaser. I honestly hate the idea that someone might not like me cause I said NO to them… I mean, I can do the thing they’re asking, no worries. I wish I learnt how to say NO sooner.
Being a people pleaser means trying to please or accommodate others at the expense of your own needs and desires. People pleasers may go out of their way to avoid conflict, make others happy, or gain approval and acceptance. They may feel pressure to say yes to requests or to conform to the expectations of others, even if it means sacrificing their own goals or values.
People pleasing can be motivated by a desire to be liked or to avoid criticism or rejection. However, constantly trying to please others can be emotionally and physically draining, and can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and low self-esteem. It can also prevent people from expressing their own needs and opinions and from setting healthy boundaries.
If you think you might be a people pleaser, it can be helpful to take time to reflect on your own values and priorities and to practice setting boundaries and communicating your own needs and desires. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.
Saying no can be difficult, especially if you tend to be a people-pleaser or if you feel guilty when you turn down requests. However, it’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and well-being. Here are some tips for learning to say no:
Practice self-awareness: Take a moment to think about what you really want and need. Consider your values, goals, and priorities, and use these to guide your decisions.
Be direct and firm: When you say no, be clear and direct. Avoid hedging or apologizing excessively, as this can undermine your message.
Use “I” statements: Rather than blaming or criticizing others, use “I” statements to express your own thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of saying “You’re being unreasonable,” you could say “I don’t feel comfortable with that request.”
Offer an alternative: If you’re unable to fulfill a request, consider suggesting an alternative solution or compromise. This can help the other person understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to accept your decision.
Practice saying no in low-stakes situations: Start by saying no to small requests or invitations that don’t matter much to you. This can help you build confidence and become more comfortable with the process.
Remember that it’s okay to say no: It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no and that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t let guilt or fear of disappointing others keep you from making decisions that are best for you.
