Holding space for someone and giving someone space are two distinct concepts that are often conflated or used interchangeably, but they have significant differences in their meanings and implications on relationships. Here I want to explore these ideas like one would a forest, slowly and gently, watching where we step as to try and see the difference between these two terms and how they can be used effectively in our relationships and communication.
Holding Space VS Giving Space
First, let’s define each term. “Holding space” refers to the act of being present with someone in a non-judgmental and supportive way, without trying to fix or change their experience or emotions. (Men I know this seems impossible and that we want to FIX FIX FIX). It involves actively listening, offering empathy and understanding, and providing a safe and caring environment for the other person to process their feelings and thoughts. “Giving someone space,” on the other hand, means allowing that person the physical or emotional distance they need to deal with their own issues or feelings without interference or pressure. It can involve taking a step back and allowing the other person to have some solitude, or it can mean giving them the time and freedom to work through their emotions on their own. For some, this can be a very lonely and isolating experience. This is why it is so key for us to understand and see the difference in approaches here.
Now that we have a basic understanding of the two concepts, let’s explore the differences between them in more detail.
One key difference between holding space
One key difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement. When you hold space for someone, you are actively present and engaged with that person, offering support and understanding as they navigate their emotions. You are not trying to solve their problems or fix their feelings, but rather you are simply there to be a supportive and caring presence. THATS IT. On the other hand, when you give someone space, you are taking a step back and allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues. You may still be available for support and communication, sending message every once in a while, but you are not as actively involved in their emotional process.
Another difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of emotional connection and intimacy. Holding space for someone involves creating a deep and meaningful connection with that person, where you are able to offer genuine empathy and understanding. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be emotionally open and present with the other person. Giving someone space, on the other hand, involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to deal with their own emotions without interference. It may involve less emotional intimacy and connection, as you are not as actively involved in their emotional process. Here it is also important to take note of whether someone said “they need space” or if you have decided to just “give them space”…
Finally, the timing and context of holding space and giving someone space can also be different. Holding space is typically done in the moment, as a way of being present and supportive with someone who is struggling or dealing with difficult emotions. It is often used as a way of offering comfort and support in the face of adversity or crisis. Giving someone space, on the other hand, may be more appropriate in situations where the other person needs some time and distance to work through their own issues or emotions. It may involve taking a step back and allowing the other person some solitude (loneliness and solitude are two things not to be confused) or independence, in order to give them the time and space they need to process their feelings. (Once again, depending on who initiated which course of action).
The place of EMPATHY and VULNERABILITY…
In friendships, empathy and vulnerability are key ingredients that help to foster deep and meaningful connections. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level by putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Vulnerability, on the other hand, involves being open and authentic with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences even when it may be difficult or uncomfortable.
Both empathy and vulnerability are essential for building and maintaining strong and healthy friendships. Without empathy, it can be difficult to fully understand and support our friends, and we may struggle to connect with them on a deeper level. Without vulnerability, we may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing our true selves with others, which can prevent us from building meaningful and authentic relationships.
By cultivating empathy and vulnerability in our friendships, we can create safe and supportive environments where we can be honest and open with each other, and where we can offer genuine support and understanding to those we care about. Whether we are dealing with joy or sadness, success or failure, by embracing empathy and vulnerability, we can create friendships that are based on genuine connection and support.
So, for me coming out of some dark places and having to fight some memories that have turned into monsters, I really hope this distinction helps someone. I think the main difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement, the level of emotional connection and intimacy, and the timing and context in which they are used. Holding space involves being present and engaged with someone in a supportive and caring way, while giving someone space involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues and emotions. Both can be valuable and important in different situations, and understanding the distinction between them can help us navigate relationships and communication more effectively.
Let’s keep in touch
Grace and peace
Dean
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