I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?
Love yourself.
We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.
You matter.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?
Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life.
Self-care
For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…
Daily grind and self care
I am not here, I have not arrived. We are coming out of a 3 year lock down, pandemic, 2019 shambles, which put so many other stresses on what it meant to be parents and have kids. Some of us even have lock down babies and I’m sure we gonna be hearing more and more about what this means for us as more and more people do research and studies on this. What I do hope you hear me saying though is this, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a need. To be able to care for our children, we must first take care of ourselves. We must never forget that our children are at their best when we are. “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,” Brené Brown explains.
If you have ever heard me talk in any way shape or form, you will have heard me talk about my kids. They are both the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I mean this in the most beautiful, wonderful way possible. This paradox is the wildest thing to ever happen to me.
It’s mean it’s common to hear people say that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to them, and in many respects, this is true. A person’s life can become incredibly joyful, fulfilling, and purposeful after having children. It is equally true, though, that becoming a parent may be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person, responsibility goes through the roof, bills go through the roof, time goes out the window and you can say goodbye to sleep; everything changes. The paradox of parenting is this basic idea.
Dad walking with kids in his arms
The best things about being a parent
The hugs
The snuggles
This insane feeling of being in love
Seeing everything from a different angle
A toddlers laugh and giggles
The value of new life
seeing their personalities grow and evolve
On the one hand, having children enables us to feel the intense love and bond that can only result from caring for another person. It enables us to be a guiding factor in their lives, to see them grow and develop, to share in their victories and accomplishments. We have the chance to influence the world in which the next generation will live by imparting our values and teachings to them.
Having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life in a number of ways. For starters, the bond between a parent and a child is like no other. It is a deep love that is rooted in the unique connection that is formed during the process of raising a child. This bond is not only emotionally satisfying, but it can also be a source of great pride and accomplishment. Watching your child grow and develop, and being a part of their life as they discover new things and reach new milestones, is an incredibly rewarding experience.
Mom and daughter hugging
In addition to the emotional benefits of having children, they can also bring purpose and meaning to one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to shape the next generation and to pass on your values and teachings to your children. You can be a role model and a guiding force in their lives, helping to shape the kind of person they will become. This sense of purpose and meaning can be incredibly fulfilling and can give one’s life a greater sense of direction and significance.
laughing mom and child
Finally, having children can also bring a sense of joy and happiness to one’s life simply by the presence of another person to share life’s experiences with. Whether it’s spending quality time together, making memories, or simply having someone to laugh and be silly with, having children can bring an added level of joy and happiness to one’s life. Overall, while having children does come with its challenges, the rewards and joys that they bring can be truly unparalleled.
Where the tread hits the tar and the realities settle in
However, and I think we all know this, LOL, having children also necessitates a great deal of sacrifice, everything of who you are on the table, the floor and every other part of the house… It could take a toll on your body and emotions, and it might leave you with little time for self-care or hobbies. In addition, because children need so many services and supports, it can be expensive. For the good part of the last 4 years, most of my money has gone to poo, yes I said it, poo. NAPPIES! All that money and all that poo. Time, money and energy all take a complete overhaul.
Additionally, there is a significant degree of strain and duty associated with parenting. It can be challenging to be a parent and be responsible for the growth and well-being of another person. You might be concerned for their future, education, and safety. Additionally, you could experience pressure to be a perfect parent, which can make you feel inadequate and guilty when you unavoidably make mistakes.
Having children can be a great responsibility and it is natural for parents to feel pressure to do their best for their children. This pressure can come from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, a desire to provide the best for one’s children, and a sense of responsibility for their well-being and future. This pressure can be difficult to handle and can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when mistakes are made or when things do not go as planned.
In addition to the pressure to be a perfect parent, there is also the responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible, compassionate, and successful adult. This can be a daunting task, as it requires patience, guidance, and a constant effort to teach and model good behavior. It can also be stressful, as you worry about your child’s safety, their education, and their future.
Furthermore, raising children can be physically and emotionally draining. It requires a great deal of time, energy, and attention, and it can be difficult to find time for self-care or personal interests. It can also be financially demanding, as children require a great deal of resources and support. I’m trying to stay in the gym just so that I can be fit and healthy to keep up with my kids. You ever had to carry two kids up that dune at sards? (I write while crying…)
Overall, while having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it is also a challenging and demanding role that comes with a great deal of responsibility and pressure. It is up to each individual to decide if the rewards of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices and challenges.
The paradox of parenting is that having kids may simultaneously bring the greatest joys and the worst problems into our life. Yes, it’s safe to say that parenting is hands down the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and effort, and it can be physically and emotionally draining. But despite the challenges, the joy, fulfillment, and love that comes from raising a child is second to none. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a parent and a child and watching your little one grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, parenting is hard work, but the rewards that come with it make it all worth it. So don’t let the challenges discourage you, embrace them and take pride in the fact that you’re doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world – raising the next generation. So hang in there, parenting may be tough, but the love and fulfillment it brings is worth it.
Parenting is either (NOW)(HERE) or (NO)(WHERE)
If you look at the word NOWHERE, you can read it in two ways, and I believe it’s the same for when we are with our kids. You are either THERE, in that moment, OR, you are there and there and there and on your phone and thinking about work while pushing a swing, the, you are actually NO WHERE.
Being present with your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but trust me, they will cherish the memories of the time you spent together. Before you know it, they will be all grown up, making their own weekend plans, and you’ll be left wondering where the time went. So take the opportunity to be present with your child while you can. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and really engage with them. Play a game, go for a walk, have a conversation – whatever it is, make it count. These moments will not only be special for your child, but they will also bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. So don’t let the busyness of life get in the way, make time for your child and be present with them – it’s the greatest gift you can give.
Look, I’ve written your name on the back of my hand A constant reminder of the love I have for you. The walls you’re rebuilding are never out of my sight I stand by you, through thick and thin, as your faithful friend.
Your builders are faster than your wreckers. Their progress, a testament to the strength of our bond. The demolition crews are gone for good Their destruction, a thing of the past, as we move forward.
Look up, look around, look well! See them all gathering, coming to you. As sure as I am the living God, I stand by you. A promise I make, to always be true.
You’re going to put them on like so much jewelry. The people, a precious adornment, by your side. You’re going to use them to dress up like a bride. A beautiful sight, as we stand together, with love and pride.
Confession time, Animation movies are my absolute best. Kung Fu Panda, Inside out, How to train your dragon and of course, Frozen.
Our household at the moment is going through Frozen 2 season. I honestly find it to be one of the most beautiful movies at the moment. Just even the simple example of how Elsa talks to the Wind, Gale, and their relationship speaks so deeply to me. (Jesus and the Spirit, the Wind, The Ruach)
A lot of it has to do with what I’m personally going through at the moment I’m sure, but I just find myself crying so often in this movie, I’ve literally seen it a 100 times by now I’m sure but the scenes in the film still get me, the music and the melodies still sneak past the dragons that guard my heart and I just weep, even tonight I had to get up from the couch cause I didn’t want the kids to see me crying, and Elzaan shouts, “Hey, you’re missing the best part, where you?”, while I try wipe and hide the tears. Yes I cry in front of my kids and yes we talk about our feelings and naming our emotions, but that’s a story for another day.
The character of Elsa in Disney’s “Frozen 2” I see as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. (I absolutely love both versions of this song, Idina is just, well Idina and then there’s Brendon, from Panic! at the disco and that’s just unreal)
Throughout the film, Elsa is faced with a series of challenges that require her to confront her own limitations and to embrace her true identity. This journey can be seen as a metaphor for the challenges we all face as we strive to understand ourselves and our place in the world.
One of the central themes of “Frozen 2” is the idea of stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it. This is exemplified in Elsa’s journey to uncover the truth about her past and to understand her true identity. Despite her fear and uncertainty, Elsa is willing to venture into the unknown and confront the challenges that stand in her way.
This willingness to embrace the unknown and to take risks is a key aspect of the journey of self-discovery. As the psychologist Jordan Peterson has pointed out, it is through facing and overcoming adversity that we are able to build resilience and strength. By stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it, we can learn more about ourselves and discover our true potential.
In “Frozen 2,” Elsa’s journey into the unknown also serves as a metaphor for the importance of embracing our true identities. Throughout the film, Elsa struggles to understand and accept her powers as a magical ice queen. This journey of self-discovery requires her to confront the fear and insecurity that have held her back in the past and to embrace her true identity. What are some of the parts of who you are that you have just kept inside? Somewhere along the way someone told you to keep quiet and you just haven’t found your voice again. Someone laughed at the way you danced at a party and have chosen never to dance again. Somewhere along the way someone or something said we aren’t good enough and we have chosen to keep it inside, located away. But something keeps calling it out of us… We hear it. We know it. Even know as you read this, you’re thinking about that thing…
This message is particularly relevant in today’s world, where there is often pressure to conform to societal expectations and to fit into predetermined roles. It is only by embracing our true selves and stepping into the unknown that we can truly live authentically and find meaning and purpose in our lives.
The other day the kids and I went to Red Berry Farm just outside George for a little play date at the berry picking farm.
Red Berry Farm with the kids
It was a day like any other, the kids played, we ate loads of berries and drank strawberry milkshakes. Seated while watching the kids I quickly needed to run to the toilet, I ran to Daniel, said stay right where you are, I’m coming now. Ran as fast as I could to get to the toilet and was absolutely stopped in my tracks by a piece of art by a local artist, Olivia Strydom. (See below)
Art by Olivia Strydon
Everything about it just made me start tearing up. Me. On my horse. The wild open space. No idea where I am or where I’m going. Knowing that I’m gonna have to trust my Horse to get us where we going. Gotta trust that when Jesus says he will carry me, He means it. Peter gets out the boat, takes that “leap” or step of faith…
Elsa wrestles the wind at first, she wrestles the Horse, Jacob wrestled. I’m wrestling. Who am I? Where am I going? Just so much unknown.
How do I be brave and take the next step? Do the next right thing?
Bravery and taking a leap of faith are two concepts that are often closely intertwined. When we are brave, we are willing to take risks and step outside of our comfort zones. This often requires us to have faith in ourselves and in the unknown.
In the words of Brené Brown, “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” Taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and trust in something greater than ourselves.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines of life and become complacent. We might feel safe and secure in our comfort zones, but true growth and fulfillment often come from taking risks and stepping outside of our comfort zones. This is where bravery comes in.
Being brave doesn’t mean that we never feel fear. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel afraid when we are facing something new or uncertain. The difference between those who are brave and those who are not is that brave individuals choose to move forward despite their fear. They understand that fear is a natural and necessary part of the growth process.
There are many ways that we can be brave and take a leap of faith in our lives. It might be as simple as saying yes to an invitation to try something new or speaking up in a difficult conversation. It could also be something bigger, like quitting a job that no longer brings us joy or moving to a new city.
No matter what form it takes, being brave and taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and embrace the unknown. It’s not an easy process, and it requires vulnerability and courage.
But the rewards of being brave and taking a leap of faith are well worth it. When we are brave, we open ourselves up to new experiences, opportunities, and growth. We also model bravery for others, which can inspire them to take their own leaps of faith.
It’s important to remember that taking a leap of faith doesn’t mean that everything will always work out perfectly. There will be challenges and setbacks along the way. But when we are brave and have faith in ourselves and in the process, we can learn and grow from these experiences.
So if you’re feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your life, consider taking a leap of faith and being brave. It might be scary, but it’s worth it. As Brené Brown says, “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” So don’t be afraid to take that leap and see where it takes you.
I see this whole movie as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. Whether we are facing the challenges of everyday life or trying to understand our place in the world, it is only by embracing the unknown and taking risks that we can truly grow and develop as individuals. So let us be like Elsa and embrace the journey of self-discovery, for it is only through this journey that we can truly discover who we are and what we are capable of.
You ask anyone who has run a race, hit the gym or finished an event, you wanna do that again? They will say “absolutely”, but if you ask them, you wanna do that again right now? They’ll say, “No thanks, gotta get some rest first…”
At its most basic level, resting for an activity refers to the idea of preparing oneself for an upcoming task or challenge. This might involve physical preparation, such as stretching or warming up before a workout or game, or it might involve mental or emotional preparation, such as taking a few deep breaths before a big presentation or calming oneself before a stressful meeting. Essentially, resting for an activity is about getting ourselves ready to take on whatever lies ahead.
In contrast, resting from an activity refers to the idea of taking a break after we have completed a task or challenge. This might involve physically resting our bodies after a workout or mentally decompressing after a long day at work. Resting from an activity is about allowing ourselves time to recharge and recover, both physically and mentally, so that we can be ready to tackle the next thing that comes our way.
So why is it important to differentiate between these two forms of rest as we start 2023?
For one thing, it helps us to be more mindful of our own needs and to be more intentional about how we care for ourselves. It can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, and to push ourselves too hard without taking adequate time to rest and recharge. By recognizing the importance of both resting for an activity and resting from an activity, we can be more intentional about building rest into our lives in a way that allows us to be more resilient and better equipped to handle the challenges that come our way.
This is an idea that Brené Brown has explored in her work on vulnerability and wholehearted living. In her TED Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability,” Brown discusses the importance of cultivating a sense of belonging and connection in our lives, and how this requires us to be vulnerable and open to the ups and downs of life. But being vulnerable and open also requires us to take care of ourselves, to be mindful of our own needs and to practice self-compassion. This means taking the time to rest and recharge, both before and after the challenges that we face.
For Brown, resting is not just a matter of physical or mental recovery, but also a way to connect with ourselves and with the people around us. She writes, “Rest is not the absence of work. Rest is not the absence of striving. Rest is the presence of worth. It’s the presence of love and connection.” In other words, resting is about taking time to be present with ourselves and with others, and to recognize the inherent worth and value that we bring to the world. This requires us to be intentional about building rest into our lives, and to be mindful of when we need to rest for an activity and when we need to rest from an activity.
Here are a few ways to incorporate both resting for an activity and resting from an activity into your daily routine:
Take breaks between tasks: It’s important to allow yourself time to rest and recharge between tasks, particularly if you are working on something mentally or emotionally demanding. Taking breaks can help you to refocus and feel rejuvenated, rather than burnt out.
Get enough sleep: Sleep is crucial for both physical and mental recovery, so it’s important to prioritize getting enough sleep every night. This means establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and taking steps to create a sleep-friendly environment (such as keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet).
Engage in relaxation techniques: There are many different techniques that can help you to relax and recharge, such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness practices. Experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you, and make time for relaxation on a daily basis.
Connect with others: Building connections with others is an important part of wholehearted living, and it can also be an important form of rest and recharge. Whether it’s spending quality time with friends and family, joining a social group, or participating in a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking time to connect with others can be a great way to restore your sense of balance and well-being.
Prioritize self-care: Finally, it’s important to prioritize self-care in your daily routine. This might mean setting aside time for a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking a relaxing bath or shower, or indulging in a favorite treat. Whatever it is that helps you to feel cared for and nourished, make sure to make time for it in your schedule.
Balance is so important in all of the ideas above, find your rhythm, find your pace, rest for and rest from various activities. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can be more intentional about resting for an activity and resting from an activity, and build more resilience and well-being into your life. Remember, rest is not just about physical or mental recovery, but also about cultivating a sense of connection and worth, and taking time to be present with yourself and those around you. By taking the time to rest, you can better prepare yourself for the challenges ahead and live a more wholehearted and fulfilling life.
A few days ago I was up early and a cold misty morning at Sardinia Bay was not the most auspicious of starts, but as I wrapped my red KWAY Jacket around me and trudged up the sandy dune (LOL if you know exactly what I mean), the sand was cold and the mist was thick. Even made it hard to see as the air was so moist… Can see more here about Sards.
I ran down the dune to get my feet warm and hit the water and it was freezing cold and so I just followed the shore and kept walking. Calm, windless, misty Sards. I made my way about 500 down the beach and just surround by mist, I saw these 3 Dark Horses in the distance. So I continued my way down the beach and got a very flat section of the ocean, a pond like, very flat swimming pool if you will. Ice cold water and perfect for a morning swim.
As they approached the shore, the group of horses standing at the water’s edge didn’t move, their dark coats glistening with the morning dew. They were majestic creatures, with powerful muscles rippling beneath their skin and eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul. They just have so much presence and I was so nervous that I had interrupted their walk, that I was getting in the way somehow. So I asked one of the jockeys if everything is ok, if I should move or leave “their space”, if they wanna get in the water.
And she gently replied, “No please, them seeing you in the water is giving them the courage to consider getting in the water, as they never want to walk in water, ever. So this is amazing. Thank you.
So I asked nervously if I may approach the horses and she said I could…
I approached cautiously, not wanting to startle them, but as I drew near, one of the horses turned its head towards me and let out a soft whinny. I couldn’t help but smile at the greeting, and I reached out a hand to stroke the horse’s nose. To my surprise, the horse nuzzled my hand and I let out a contented sigh. I couldn’t believe it – these wild creatures seemed almost tame, as if they were waiting for me to arrive. (I know that sounds ridiculous…)
I spent the next 10 minutes walking with with the horses, marveling at their beauty and grace as they walked gently in the shallow water, almost to my knees at times. I had never felt such a strong connection with an animal before, and I knew that this was a moment I would always treasure. I felt Gale (more about that later and my YouTube channel coming soon) Story time with Dean and Gale, say, Dean if you’re brave enough, you will give other people the courage and bravery to also step into cold situations and take some risks for their dreams. And that’s all I hope to do here… Light a fire in your bones.
And then almost instantly, the jockey gestured to her friends and the horses turned around and they said good bye, and then I was alone, with what felt like the most Holy Moment just before sunrise… I quickly whipped of my clothes and dived into the freezing water, Goodness me what a wake up. Best. Feeling. Ever.
As I turned to head back home, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe and wonder at the magic of the natural world. It was moments like these that made me believe that there was still so much out there waiting to be discovered, and that life was full of endless possibilities. I realised then that goodness me I long for the wild, I long for the cold on my skin, I longed for the insecurity and unpredictability that the weather and the wild could produce.
As humans, we are hardwired to seek security and predictability. It’s a natural instinct that helps us feel safe and grounded in a rapidly changing world. But sometimes, following our dreams requires us to make scary, insecure decisions that challenge the status quo and push us out of our comfort zone. (And sometimes we need someone to show us that some things are possible…)
For many of us, the thought of taking a risk and stepping into the unknown is downright terrifying. We worry about failing, making mistakes, or being judged by others, the fear that maybe the water is too cold and I don’t know what I could find in the depths? These fears can hold us back and prevent us from pursuing our passions and living the lives we truly want.
But as Brene Brown says, “the only way to get to the other side of fear is to walk through it.” In other words, the only way to achieve our dreams is to embrace the fear and uncertainty that comes with making bold moves.
This doesn’t mean that we should blindly charge ahead into the open seas and hope for the best without considering the potential consequences. (I think of Frozen 2 here) It’s important to carefully weigh the pros and cons and make informed decisions. But it does mean that we should be willing to take calculated risks and embrace the potential for failure as part of the journey.
Making scary, insecure decisions can also be an opportunity for growth and learning. When we face challenges and setbacks, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and come back stronger. These experiences can help us develop resilience and build the courage to take on even bigger challenges in the future. one small step into the water turns into an open water swim turns into an icy swim in the arctic circle. My prayer is that your dreams would frighten and awaken you to your core.
But perhaps most importantly, making scary, insecure decisions allows us to live authentically and follow our hearts. It’s easy to get caught up in the expectations of others or the societal norms of what we “should” be doing. But when we make the brave choice to pursue our dreams, we are able to live a life that is true to ourselves and fulfill our unique purpose.
At 19 I started to play the guitar for our little local youth ministry in Benoni. (Yes I have photos and no I won’t share them, LOL) And I recall the bravery I summoned to perform for a small audience of like 20, even though it took a million wrong notes to find the right melody and key. I remember the insecure steps I took to my first job interview as I tried to impress the boss with all the “right” words”. I remember the strength I had to pull out of my self when I had to stand for something I believed in and no one stood up with me, leaving me without a job, but standing up for what I believe was right. I even remember the insecure teenager who knelt on his girlfriends kitchen floor and asked her to marry him.
Now, we seek clarity and stability, but the truth is they aren’t real. You know this to be true with in yourself.
So if you’re feeling scared or uncertain about making a big decision, remember that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s a natural part of the process. But don’t let your fear hold you back from chasing your dreams. Embrace the insecurity and take that first step towards making your dreams a reality. You never know where it might lead you…
I’ll come with a couple lines from my favourite band, Switchfoot. (Thanks Jon)
We found a way out The city takes everything it can But outside the crowds I can feel my lungs again
Born for the blue skies We’ll survive the rain Born for the sunrise We’ll survive the pain
Holding space for someone and giving someone space are two distinct concepts that are often conflated or used interchangeably, but they have significant differences in their meanings and implications on relationships. Here I want to explore these ideas like one would a forest, slowly and gently, watching where we step as to try and see the difference between these two terms and how they can be used effectively in our relationships and communication.
Holding Space VS Giving Space
First, let’s define each term. “Holding space” refers to the act of being present with someone in a non-judgmental and supportive way, without trying to fix or change their experience or emotions. (Men I know this seems impossible and that we want to FIX FIX FIX). It involves actively listening, offering empathy and understanding, and providing a safe and caring environment for the other person to process their feelings and thoughts. “Giving someone space,” on the other hand, means allowing that person the physical or emotional distance they need to deal with their own issues or feelings without interference or pressure. It can involve taking a step back and allowing the other person to have some solitude, or it can mean giving them the time and freedom to work through their emotions on their own. For some, this can be a very lonely and isolating experience. This is why it is so key for us to understand and see the difference in approaches here.
Now that we have a basic understanding of the two concepts, let’s explore the differences between them in more detail.
One key difference between holding space
One key difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement. When you hold space for someone, you are actively present and engaged with that person, offering support and understanding as they navigate their emotions. You are not trying to solve their problems or fix their feelings, but rather you are simply there to be a supportive and caring presence. THATS IT. On the other hand, when you give someone space, you are taking a step back and allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues. You may still be available for support and communication, sending message every once in a while, but you are not as actively involved in their emotional process.
Another difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of emotional connection and intimacy. Holding space for someone involves creating a deep and meaningful connection with that person, where you are able to offer genuine empathy and understanding. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be emotionally open and present with the other person. Giving someone space, on the other hand, involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to deal with their own emotions without interference. It may involve less emotional intimacy and connection, as you are not as actively involved in their emotional process. Here it is also important to take note of whether someone said “they need space” or if you have decided to just “give them space”…
Finally, the timing and context of holding space and giving someone space can also be different. Holding space is typically done in the moment, as a way of being present and supportive with someone who is struggling or dealing with difficult emotions. It is often used as a way of offering comfort and support in the face of adversity or crisis. Giving someone space, on the other hand, may be more appropriate in situations where the other person needs some time and distance to work through their own issues or emotions. It may involve taking a step back and allowing the other person some solitude (loneliness and solitude are two things not to be confused) or independence, in order to give them the time and space they need to process their feelings. (Once again, depending on who initiated which course of action).
The place of EMPATHY and VULNERABILITY…
In friendships, empathy and vulnerability are key ingredients that help to foster deep and meaningful connections. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level by putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Vulnerability, on the other hand, involves being open and authentic with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences even when it may be difficult or uncomfortable.
Both empathy and vulnerability are essential for building and maintaining strong and healthy friendships. Without empathy, it can be difficult to fully understand and support our friends, and we may struggle to connect with them on a deeper level. Without vulnerability, we may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing our true selves with others, which can prevent us from building meaningful and authentic relationships.
By cultivating empathy and vulnerability in our friendships, we can create safe and supportive environments where we can be honest and open with each other, and where we can offer genuine support and understanding to those we care about. Whether we are dealing with joy or sadness, success or failure, by embracing empathy and vulnerability, we can create friendships that are based on genuine connection and support.
So, for me coming out of some dark places and having to fight some memories that have turned into monsters, I really hope this distinction helps someone. I think the main difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement, the level of emotional connection and intimacy, and the timing and context in which they are used. Holding space involves being present and engaged with someone in a supportive and caring way, while giving someone space involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues and emotions. Both can be valuable and important in different situations, and understanding the distinction between them can help us navigate relationships and communication more effectively.
The raw real life meaning of Christmas can be found by examining the story of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus and the reality of their lives and His Birth. Similar to ours, I mean otherwise what’s the point of some dude who was born 2000 years ago?
According to the Gospels, Mary was a young woman living in the small town of Nazareth (Sources suggest around 400 people) in the Roman-occupied region of Palestine. She was engaged to be married to man by the name of Joseph, a carpenter. However, before they were married, Mary was visited by an angel who told her that she would give birth to a son who would be the Son of God. Mary, who was a virgin, was understandably shocked and confused by this news. Despite her doubts and fears, Mary eventually agreed to become the mother of Jesus.
Joseph, meanwhile, was faced with a difficult decision. When he learned that Mary was pregnant, he knew that he could not marry her without facing disgrace and shame. However, he also did not want to abandon Mary and their unborn child. In the end, Joseph decided to marry Mary and support her through the pregnancy.
As the time of Jesus’ birth approached, Mary and Joseph were forced to travel to Bethlehem (around 600 people in population) to be counted in a census ordered by the Roman Empire. It was during this journey that Mary went into labor and gave birth to Jesus in a stable, as there was no room for them at the inn.
The birth of Jesus was a simple and humble one, far from the glamorous and luxurious celebrations that Christmas has become today. It was a raw and real life event, marked by hardship and struggle, but also by faith and hope.
The family and I love hiking and walking on the beaches and forests in our surrounding local spots and the other incredible parts of our country. South Africa honestly wins. It just does. Beaches. Mountains. Forests. We got them. So this morning it was raining, “cold” – by South African standards and so misty. But the kids were up at 05:30 and game for a hike with dad… S
So what do I do? I gear UP! I get all the boots, jackets and beanies in the world for everyone. Daniel really quite content, long pants and jacket with shoes. He’s ready to run and get going… Lizzy on the other hand. NOPE. Would have none of it. Red dress. No shoes. Let’s go. She fought me, challenged me, wanted none of it and so what do I do? I let her obviously. I mean. I’m not gonna fight a toddler.
AND OFF WE WENT.
I WANT TO SAY THIS AGAIN… The birth of Jesus was a simple and humble one, far from the glamorous and luxurious celebrations that Christmas has become today. It was a raw and real life event, marked by hardship and struggle, but also by faith and hope. Our Christmas’s have become sanitised by the malls and Christmas lights we have put up. Excuse the commentary on the times, but everything has been sanitised, am I right? Everything in our lives exists to “protect” and keep us “comfortable”.
Cold outside, what we do?
Warm outside, what we do?
Raining, what we do?
Going for a run, what you do?
Going to the mall, what you do?
Going hiking, WHAT DO WE DO?
We wear shoes ALL THE TIME, when was the last time you felt grass, sand or stones under your feet? Stood on a thorn? When was the last time you felt rain on your skin? Not on your rain jacket? When was the last time you got your hands dirty, in the sand and the soil of the earth?
Throughout his life, Jesus would continue to challenge the social, political, and religious norms of his time. He preached a message of love and compassion, and taught his followers to be humble and to serve others. He also faced persecution and ultimately suffered a cruel and brutal death on the cross, but his message and teachings have endured for centuries and continue to inspire and guide people around the world.
See I think Jesus gets it: that kids get it. In Luke we read…
“People brought babies to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. When the disciples saw it, they shooed them off. Jesus called them back. “Let these children alone. Don’t get between them and me. These children are the kingdom’s pride and joy. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.”
The raw real life meaning of Christmas, then, is about more than just presents and holiday cheer. It is about the birth of Jesus, a man who would go on to change the world with his message of love and compassion. I wonder if Moses got into the same kinda “rut” we do, same road, same, path, same trees, same river, same road to and from work, and what does God say to him when He get his attention? Take your shoes off, FEEL the earth, feel the sand, FEEL the dust of the earth, FEEL the soft gentle tickle of the grass. This ground here, in THIS moment, IS HOLY it always has been and you just need to take your shoes off more… It is about the humble beginnings of a life that would inspire and transform countless people. It is about the raw and real struggles of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, and the enduring message of hope and redemption that they bring to us all and let’s see if this Christmas, we can learn something from a small child.
As the year comes to a close and we look towards the new year, it is natural to start thinking about the goals and resolutions we want to set for ourselves. However, it is unfortunate that for many people, the time and effort put into setting these goals often goes to waste. Studies have shown that up to 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, leading some to wonder if it is even worth the effort. But before we give up on goal setting entirely, it is important to understand why resolutions and goals often fail, and what we can do to increase our chances of success.
Do more than just write it down…
One of the main reasons why resolutions and goals fail is that people often don’t go beyond just writing them down. The act of writing down a goal or resolution is certainly a good first step, but it is not enough on its own. Without a plan or a process in place to actually achieve the goal, it becomes nothing more than an intention. For example, hoping to see your church grow without a plan for how to make that happen is simply a hope, and intending to lose weight without a plan for how to do so is just an intention. In both cases, the goal remains nothing more than a wish. Tell some friends, make yourself accountable, post it online and ask your friends to CHECK-IN on you…
Clear, simple, GOALS?
STOP for a second here, what’s on the LIST for January? Just January…
Another reason that resolutions and goals often fail is that people don’t have a clear understanding of what they want to achieve. It is important to be specific and realistic when setting goals. Vague or overly ambitious goals are much less likely to be achieved than specific, achievable goals. For example, a goal of “losing weight” is vague and doesn’t provide any direction or motivation. On the other hand, a goal of “losing 10 pounds in three months by exercising three times a week and eating a healthier diet” is specific and provides a clear plan for how to achieve it.
So go month by month, then term by term, then year by year.
Are your goals “YOUR” goals?
In addition to being specific and having a plan, it is important to consider whether a goal is actually important to you. If a goal is not something that you truly care about, it is much less likely that you will have the motivation and dedication to see it through. It is important to set goals that are meaningful and align with your values and priorities.
Outcome-driven goals, or goals that are focused on the end result, can be motivating in the short term. However, in the long run, process-driven goals, or goals that focus on the steps and actions required to achieve a goal, tend to produce better results. For example, a financial goal of saving R500 per month is a better goal than hoping to see your investments grow by 15%. See goals like planting trees, allow the growth to happen, water the soil, a couple years pass and then you’re actually eating the fruit of those trees, your children are sitting under the shade of those trees and your grand children are now running the farms selling the fruit to neighbouring towns. My goals definitely have my kids in mind, and my kids’ kids.
I started in the Methodist Church as a bight eyes bushy tailed 19 year old, for 9 years being a youth, young adults and worship pastor in Johannesburg and then here in Port Elizabeth (South Africa). I then changed jobs a little and then found myself in a non-denominational church for 5 years being the Online Church Pastor. (A video for another day – LOL). One church had 1000 members a service, other services we were hoping for 20 people to arrive, yes, 20! and then pre pandemic we had 2000 people per service 3 times a Sunday…
It doesn’t matter if you’re a large church or a small church—if your website isn’t getting traffic, it’s not going to be successful. And unfortunately, getting people to visit your website is not as easy as it used to be. Search engine optimization (SEO) has become more important than ever in order for churches to get the attention of their target audiences. That’s why I’ve put together this list of five reasons why SEO is essential for churches and online churches today:
SEO is important for increasing traffic to your church website
Search engine optimization is important because it helps you to rank higher in search engines, like Google. This will increase the amount of traffic your website gets, which is the most effective way to drive more sales and leads. Having a high ranking on Google can also help you get more exposure through organic traffic and social media channels.
If you want to grow your church and online church, SEO is one of the best ways to achieve this goal. Because it takes time for results, it’s an ideal long term strategy for any church pastor and creative team who doesn’t want their success dependent on short term gains from promotions or paid advertising campaigns. (So much money spent on Facebook Ads, and sometimes even more now port pandemic)
SEO provides a higher ROI than traditional marketing
SEO is a long-term strategy, so it’s more cost effective. SEO provides better ROI than traditional marketing. Printing 5000 flyers at the robots or local mall will only go so far. There are only 5000 of them, we don’t know who actually sees these flyers and it ends there. We have all had that one post that goes a little viral, and it just goes much further than we ever thought it could’ve.
SEO is more targeted than traditional marketing: When you use SEO to target your audience, you can reach them when they are ready to buy and convert on your website. This is not possible with other forms of advertising, which means that the people who see your ad are much more likely to visit your church or event in the future.
Local Church SEO is more measurable than traditional marketing: Because Google Analytics tracks all of the information about how users interact with websites, it makes sense for us to know if our efforts are paying off or not! and here we can then innovate and pivot if we need to.
SEO builds trust and credibility
Search engines are known for their good taste. If a website is well-known and respected, it’ll rank higher in search results. This means that you will be rewarded for the time and effort you’ve put into building trust with your audience.
After all, if you’re an established church that built a good reputation online, why would people not trust you and your team?
SEO helps build credibility among potential congregation or community members and helps them see that you’re trustworthy—a church they can rely on.
SEO increases your market share
So terrible to think like this but, Jesus has called us to go fishing, and let’s catch so much fish that the nets break… Search engine optimization is a long-term strategy. You can’t expect to see results overnight. That said, if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, SEO can increase your market share—and the amount of fish you catch. Peter, Paul and John spent many nights on the water… How many nights you spending online?
It helps you reach new members through organic search engine placement. Not only do unique visitors come from local searches, but those who visit your website will be more likely to actually check you out online for a church service or visit you in person.
Search engines help drive traffic back to your site so that visitors stay on it longer—which means they’ll get more value out of their experience with you and are more likely to return again later on down the road, online or in person.
SEO has the best ROI over time
SEO has the best ROI over time. We in ministry for the long run, yeah?
While PPC can be a great short-term strategy, it’s important to understand that with SEO, you’re investing in your church online presence for the long term. In other words, as you grow and invest in your church online, so too will your investment in SEO grow and pay off over time. So if you’re looking for a quick win that’ll help you get started on this journey, look elsewhere—SEO is a long game that requires patience and dedication but will eventually reap rewards if you stick with it.
There are many benefits to using search engine optimization (SEO) in your church.
Search engine optimization is an essential part of every churches marketing strategy. It is the best return on investment (ROI) and has many long-term benefits to your church.
SEO is a low cost marketing strategy that increases your “market” share, which will lead to more people attending church and getting connected to community in the long run.
Conclusion
As you can see, SEO is an essential part of any local churches’ marketing strategy. It provides many benefits that other types of marketing don’t have—including higher returns on investment and greater trust in your “brand”. If you still aren’t convinced that SEO is right for your church, then consider the fact that it has the best ROI over time because there are no upfront costs involved! That means you can start seeing results right away without having to spend big bucks first. So what are you waiting for? Start implementing these strategies today!
Church leaders (and maybe even business owners), I hope this helps…
Contact me if you have any questions about SEO and other online presence management things.
