When it comes to tapping into your creative-ness and imagination, there are a few key things to keep in mind. First and foremost, you must have the ability to recognize the stories that you are currently telling about your life. These stories may be based on past experiences or beliefs, and they can shape the way that you see the world and yourself.
However, recognizing these stories is only the first step. In order to truly tap into your creativity and imagination, you must also be willing to change the story. This means that you have the power to decide how compelling, realistic, or magnificent your story becomes.
It’s important to keep in mind that as you change the story, it’s crucial to ensure that the story still makes sense to you in some way. This will prevent you from getting lost in cognitive dissonance and feeling confused or disoriented. To achieve this, it’s best to adjust the plot step by step, once you identify a new direction. This will help you to ease into the new story and make the transition more comfortable and manageable.
Telling a compelling story about your life is a powerful tool for unlocking your creativity and imagination. By recognizing the stories you currently tell about yourself and being willing to change them, you can shape your reality and create a story that is both meaningful and inspiring. Remember, the power to change the story is in your hands and you can make it as grand and magnificent as you desire.
In conclusion, when it comes to tapping into your creative and imaginative abilities, it’s essential to be aware of the stories you’re currently telling about your life, be willing to change them, and adjust them step by step to ensure that the new story still makes sense to you. This will allow you to create a compelling, realistic, and magnificent story that will inspire and empower you.
Creativity, for me, simply, is making something out of nothing. Once there was just nothing, then a thought came along, then a melody came, then words on a paper, then sentences. I believe that we have been created to create, made in the image of our creator, we are creators.
When it comes to creativity and imagination, worldbuilding is all about tapping into the endless possibilities of your own mind. You see, when you have a desire or dream, you’re presented with a choice. You can either choose to take the creative route and work on expanding your imagination, or you can take the default reality route and just stuff that dream back down inside of you. The first option is exciting because it allows you to bring your dream to life, but the second option can lead to internal chaos and a lack of congruence between your inner and outer worlds. It’s important to remember that our imagination is a powerful tool that we can use to create the life we want, but it takes work and commitment to develop it.
What does it mean to take the road less traveled
The first option I mentioned is taking the “creative route” or “the road less travelled” and working on expanding your imagination. This means actively using your imagination to bring your dream or desire to life. It could involve brainstorming different ideas, visualizing different scenarios, or even experimenting with different ways to achieve your goal.
Road less travelled
The phrase “the road less traveled” is often used to describe a path or choice that is not commonly chosen by others, and this is where it gets tricky, there is often a reason this road is less travelled, there a fewer travellers on this road and fewer people have made maps of this road. I think the analogies here are endless. In the context of the creative process of an artist, it can refer to taking a unique or unconventional approach to their work. It means to break free from the common or typical ways of creating and to explore new and uncharted territories.
An artist who takes the road less traveled may choose to work with unusual materials, explore new styles or techniques, or create work that challenges the status quo. It could also mean to not following the trends or being influenced by what is currently popular, instead choosing to create work that is true to their own vision and style.
Choosing the road less traveled can be a risky and challenging path, but it can also lead to more rewarding and meaningful work. It allows an artist to stand out from the crowd and to create something that is truly original and authentic.
It’s important to note that “the road less travelled” is not always about being completely different but rather about having a unique perspective, and taking a different approach, which may be a combination of different elements. It’s about not being afraid to experiment and to push the boundaries of what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” in the art world.
One way to expand your imagination is by exposing yourself to new experiences, art, and cultures. This can help you think outside of your usual ways of thinking and come up with new and creative ideas.
Another way is to practice brainstorming and mind-mapping techniques, which can help you generate a wide range of ideas and possibilities. These techniques are designed to help you think more freely and come up with new and unique solutions to problems.
You can also engage in activities that require imagination like writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, and building models. These activities can help you develop your creative skills and give you a greater sense of control over your imagination.
Ultimately, taking the creative route requires dedication and willingness to take risks. It’s about being open to new possibilities and not being afraid to think outside of the box. But remember, it’s not just about having a good idea, it’s about taking the idea and turning it into something real.
What’s the other option?
The second option I mentioned is taking the “default reality route” and just stuffing your dream or desire back down inside of you. This means not actively working on bringing your dream to life, and instead settling for the status quo.
When you take the default reality route, you may find yourself feeling unfulfilled and uninspired. Your dream or desire may continue to linger in the back of your mind, causing internal chaos and a lack of congruence between your inner and outer worlds.
You may feel like you’re stuck in a rut, and that you don’t have the time, resources, or ability to make your dream a reality. You may also feel like you’re not good enough, or that your dream is too unrealistic. So, you may choose to push your dream or desire to the back of your mind and just focus on the daily tasks and responsibilities.
Additionally, taking the default reality route may also mean that you’re not taking any steps to improve your current situation, you’re just accepting things as they are. This can lead to a lack of motivation and a sense of stagnation in your life.
It’s important to remember that when we settle for the default reality, we are missing the opportunity to create something new and unique, and to bring our desires and dreams to life. It’s important to be mindful of our thoughts and feelings, and to make a conscious effort to work on our dreams and desires, even if it means going against the norm and taking risks.
Where to from here…
In conclusion, creativity and imagination are powerful tools that we can use to create the life we want. By using our imagination and taking the creative route, we can bring our desires and dreams to life and live a more fulfilling and authentic life. We are created to create, and when we tap into our imagination, we can create things that are truly original and authentic. However, it’s important to remember that taking the creative route requires dedication, willingness to take risks and to develop our imagination. We must be open to new possibilities and not be afraid to think outside of the box. Embracing our creativity and imagination is not just about having good ideas, it’s about taking the ideas and turning them into reality. It’s about following the road less traveled and creating something unique and meaningful. Let’s not be afraid to use our imagination, and to create as we have been created to create.
I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?
Love yourself.
We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.
You matter.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?
Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life.
Self-care
For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…
Daily grind and self care
I am not here, I have not arrived. We are coming out of a 3 year lock down, pandemic, 2019 shambles, which put so many other stresses on what it meant to be parents and have kids. Some of us even have lock down babies and I’m sure we gonna be hearing more and more about what this means for us as more and more people do research and studies on this. What I do hope you hear me saying though is this, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a need. To be able to care for our children, we must first take care of ourselves. We must never forget that our children are at their best when we are. “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,” Brené Brown explains.
Whether its 04:30 alarm clocks and getting to the gym or CrossFit, starting a new hobby or business, following you dreams, hopes and desires for a new year ahead or balancing work and home life to ensure your partner appreciates you as much as your boss does, everything and anything worthwhile, is uphill to quote John C. Maxwell.
In order to truly achieve success and fulfillment in life, it is important to understand that challenges and difficulties are a natural and necessary part of the journey. If something were to be easy, it would lose its value and significance, as it would no longer require effort or dedication to accomplish.
Mountain climbers
Think about it this way: if everyone were able to easily attain their goals and aspirations, what would be the point in striving for them? Without the sense of accomplishment that comes from overcoming obstacles and adversity, we would miss out on the opportunity to grow and develop as individuals. If these goals were easy, everyone would run 100m in under 10 seconds, everyone would scale Mt Everest, everyone would have their own dream company and the closest group of friends, but these things aren’t normal, not everyone goes there.
Furthermore, when we face challenges and work hard to overcome them, we are able to tap into our inner strength and resilience. We learn to persevere in the face of adversity, and we become more confident in our abilities and our capacity to succeed.
In other words, it is precisely because something is difficult that it becomes worthwhile. The process of striving and struggling to achieve a goal is what gives it value, and it is what ultimately leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
So, the next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, remember that it is not meant to be easy. Embrace the difficulty and use it as an opportunity to grow and become the best version of yourself. With hard work, determination, and a positive attitude, you can overcome any obstacle and achieve your dreams. The next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, take it as a sign, that you’re on the right road and that your dreams are closer than you know, that these challenges are actually a high five from the Universe saying, keep going, keep pressing, keep leaning into the life that you have always wanted and dreamed of.
If you have ever heard me talk in any way shape or form, you will have heard me talk about my kids. They are both the greatest and the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I mean this in the most beautiful, wonderful way possible. This paradox is the wildest thing to ever happen to me.
It’s mean it’s common to hear people say that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to them, and in many respects, this is true. A person’s life can become incredibly joyful, fulfilling, and purposeful after having children. It is equally true, though, that becoming a parent may be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person, responsibility goes through the roof, bills go through the roof, time goes out the window and you can say goodbye to sleep; everything changes. The paradox of parenting is this basic idea.
Dad walking with kids in his arms
The best things about being a parent
The hugs
The snuggles
This insane feeling of being in love
Seeing everything from a different angle
A toddlers laugh and giggles
The value of new life
seeing their personalities grow and evolve
On the one hand, having children enables us to feel the intense love and bond that can only result from caring for another person. It enables us to be a guiding factor in their lives, to see them grow and develop, to share in their victories and accomplishments. We have the chance to influence the world in which the next generation will live by imparting our values and teachings to them.
Having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment to one’s life in a number of ways. For starters, the bond between a parent and a child is like no other. It is a deep love that is rooted in the unique connection that is formed during the process of raising a child. This bond is not only emotionally satisfying, but it can also be a source of great pride and accomplishment. Watching your child grow and develop, and being a part of their life as they discover new things and reach new milestones, is an incredibly rewarding experience.
Mom and daughter hugging
In addition to the emotional benefits of having children, they can also bring purpose and meaning to one’s life. As a parent, you have the opportunity to shape the next generation and to pass on your values and teachings to your children. You can be a role model and a guiding force in their lives, helping to shape the kind of person they will become. This sense of purpose and meaning can be incredibly fulfilling and can give one’s life a greater sense of direction and significance.
laughing mom and child
Finally, having children can also bring a sense of joy and happiness to one’s life simply by the presence of another person to share life’s experiences with. Whether it’s spending quality time together, making memories, or simply having someone to laugh and be silly with, having children can bring an added level of joy and happiness to one’s life. Overall, while having children does come with its challenges, the rewards and joys that they bring can be truly unparalleled.
Where the tread hits the tar and the realities settle in
However, and I think we all know this, LOL, having children also necessitates a great deal of sacrifice, everything of who you are on the table, the floor and every other part of the house… It could take a toll on your body and emotions, and it might leave you with little time for self-care or hobbies. In addition, because children need so many services and supports, it can be expensive. For the good part of the last 4 years, most of my money has gone to poo, yes I said it, poo. NAPPIES! All that money and all that poo. Time, money and energy all take a complete overhaul.
Additionally, there is a significant degree of strain and duty associated with parenting. It can be challenging to be a parent and be responsible for the growth and well-being of another person. You might be concerned for their future, education, and safety. Additionally, you could experience pressure to be a perfect parent, which can make you feel inadequate and guilty when you unavoidably make mistakes.
Having children can be a great responsibility and it is natural for parents to feel pressure to do their best for their children. This pressure can come from a variety of sources, including societal expectations, a desire to provide the best for one’s children, and a sense of responsibility for their well-being and future. This pressure can be difficult to handle and can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when mistakes are made or when things do not go as planned.
In addition to the pressure to be a perfect parent, there is also the responsibility of raising a child to be a responsible, compassionate, and successful adult. This can be a daunting task, as it requires patience, guidance, and a constant effort to teach and model good behavior. It can also be stressful, as you worry about your child’s safety, their education, and their future.
Furthermore, raising children can be physically and emotionally draining. It requires a great deal of time, energy, and attention, and it can be difficult to find time for self-care or personal interests. It can also be financially demanding, as children require a great deal of resources and support. I’m trying to stay in the gym just so that I can be fit and healthy to keep up with my kids. You ever had to carry two kids up that dune at sards? (I write while crying…)
Overall, while having children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it is also a challenging and demanding role that comes with a great deal of responsibility and pressure. It is up to each individual to decide if the rewards of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices and challenges.
The paradox of parenting is that having kids may simultaneously bring the greatest joys and the worst problems into our life. Yes, it’s safe to say that parenting is hands down the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and effort, and it can be physically and emotionally draining. But despite the challenges, the joy, fulfillment, and love that comes from raising a child is second to none. There’s nothing quite like the bond between a parent and a child and watching your little one grow and develop is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, parenting is hard work, but the rewards that come with it make it all worth it. So don’t let the challenges discourage you, embrace them and take pride in the fact that you’re doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world – raising the next generation. So hang in there, parenting may be tough, but the love and fulfillment it brings is worth it.
Parenting is either (NOW)(HERE) or (NO)(WHERE)
If you look at the word NOWHERE, you can read it in two ways, and I believe it’s the same for when we are with our kids. You are either THERE, in that moment, OR, you are there and there and there and on your phone and thinking about work while pushing a swing, the, you are actually NO WHERE.
Being present with your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but trust me, they will cherish the memories of the time you spent together. Before you know it, they will be all grown up, making their own weekend plans, and you’ll be left wondering where the time went. So take the opportunity to be present with your child while you can. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and really engage with them. Play a game, go for a walk, have a conversation – whatever it is, make it count. These moments will not only be special for your child, but they will also bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. So don’t let the busyness of life get in the way, make time for your child and be present with them – it’s the greatest gift you can give.
Confession time, Animation movies are my absolute best. Kung Fu Panda, Inside out, How to train your dragon and of course, Frozen.
Our household at the moment is going through Frozen 2 season. I honestly find it to be one of the most beautiful movies at the moment. Just even the simple example of how Elsa talks to the Wind, Gale, and their relationship speaks so deeply to me. (Jesus and the Spirit, the Wind, The Ruach)
A lot of it has to do with what I’m personally going through at the moment I’m sure, but I just find myself crying so often in this movie, I’ve literally seen it a 100 times by now I’m sure but the scenes in the film still get me, the music and the melodies still sneak past the dragons that guard my heart and I just weep, even tonight I had to get up from the couch cause I didn’t want the kids to see me crying, and Elzaan shouts, “Hey, you’re missing the best part, where you?”, while I try wipe and hide the tears. Yes I cry in front of my kids and yes we talk about our feelings and naming our emotions, but that’s a story for another day.
The character of Elsa in Disney’s “Frozen 2” I see as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. (I absolutely love both versions of this song, Idina is just, well Idina and then there’s Brendon, from Panic! at the disco and that’s just unreal)
Throughout the film, Elsa is faced with a series of challenges that require her to confront her own limitations and to embrace her true identity. This journey can be seen as a metaphor for the challenges we all face as we strive to understand ourselves and our place in the world.
One of the central themes of “Frozen 2” is the idea of stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it. This is exemplified in Elsa’s journey to uncover the truth about her past and to understand her true identity. Despite her fear and uncertainty, Elsa is willing to venture into the unknown and confront the challenges that stand in her way.
This willingness to embrace the unknown and to take risks is a key aspect of the journey of self-discovery. As the psychologist Jordan Peterson has pointed out, it is through facing and overcoming adversity that we are able to build resilience and strength. By stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it, we can learn more about ourselves and discover our true potential.
In “Frozen 2,” Elsa’s journey into the unknown also serves as a metaphor for the importance of embracing our true identities. Throughout the film, Elsa struggles to understand and accept her powers as a magical ice queen. This journey of self-discovery requires her to confront the fear and insecurity that have held her back in the past and to embrace her true identity. What are some of the parts of who you are that you have just kept inside? Somewhere along the way someone told you to keep quiet and you just haven’t found your voice again. Someone laughed at the way you danced at a party and have chosen never to dance again. Somewhere along the way someone or something said we aren’t good enough and we have chosen to keep it inside, located away. But something keeps calling it out of us… We hear it. We know it. Even know as you read this, you’re thinking about that thing…
This message is particularly relevant in today’s world, where there is often pressure to conform to societal expectations and to fit into predetermined roles. It is only by embracing our true selves and stepping into the unknown that we can truly live authentically and find meaning and purpose in our lives.
The other day the kids and I went to Red Berry Farm just outside George for a little play date at the berry picking farm.
Red Berry Farm with the kids
It was a day like any other, the kids played, we ate loads of berries and drank strawberry milkshakes. Seated while watching the kids I quickly needed to run to the toilet, I ran to Daniel, said stay right where you are, I’m coming now. Ran as fast as I could to get to the toilet and was absolutely stopped in my tracks by a piece of art by a local artist, Olivia Strydom. (See below)
Art by Olivia Strydon
Everything about it just made me start tearing up. Me. On my horse. The wild open space. No idea where I am or where I’m going. Knowing that I’m gonna have to trust my Horse to get us where we going. Gotta trust that when Jesus says he will carry me, He means it. Peter gets out the boat, takes that “leap” or step of faith…
Elsa wrestles the wind at first, she wrestles the Horse, Jacob wrestled. I’m wrestling. Who am I? Where am I going? Just so much unknown.
How do I be brave and take the next step? Do the next right thing?
Bravery and taking a leap of faith are two concepts that are often closely intertwined. When we are brave, we are willing to take risks and step outside of our comfort zones. This often requires us to have faith in ourselves and in the unknown.
In the words of Brené Brown, “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” Taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and trust in something greater than ourselves.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines of life and become complacent. We might feel safe and secure in our comfort zones, but true growth and fulfillment often come from taking risks and stepping outside of our comfort zones. This is where bravery comes in.
Being brave doesn’t mean that we never feel fear. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel afraid when we are facing something new or uncertain. The difference between those who are brave and those who are not is that brave individuals choose to move forward despite their fear. They understand that fear is a natural and necessary part of the growth process.
There are many ways that we can be brave and take a leap of faith in our lives. It might be as simple as saying yes to an invitation to try something new or speaking up in a difficult conversation. It could also be something bigger, like quitting a job that no longer brings us joy or moving to a new city.
No matter what form it takes, being brave and taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and embrace the unknown. It’s not an easy process, and it requires vulnerability and courage.
But the rewards of being brave and taking a leap of faith are well worth it. When we are brave, we open ourselves up to new experiences, opportunities, and growth. We also model bravery for others, which can inspire them to take their own leaps of faith.
It’s important to remember that taking a leap of faith doesn’t mean that everything will always work out perfectly. There will be challenges and setbacks along the way. But when we are brave and have faith in ourselves and in the process, we can learn and grow from these experiences.
So if you’re feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your life, consider taking a leap of faith and being brave. It might be scary, but it’s worth it. As Brené Brown says, “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” So don’t be afraid to take that leap and see where it takes you.
I see this whole movie as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. Whether we are facing the challenges of everyday life or trying to understand our place in the world, it is only by embracing the unknown and taking risks that we can truly grow and develop as individuals. So let us be like Elsa and embrace the journey of self-discovery, for it is only through this journey that we can truly discover who we are and what we are capable of.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that has the ability to transform our lives and relationships for the better. It can help us to appreciate the people, experiences, and things that bring joy and meaning to our lives. In this blog post, we will explore the many benefits of cultivating gratitude, and provide tips for how to make it a daily practice. By learning to express gratitude regularly, we can improve our mental and physical well-being, strengthen our relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives.
How to show gratitude online
One way to show gratitude to people online is to simply say “thank you” when they do something that you appreciate. This can be as simple as thanking someone for answering a question or providing a helpful suggestion. It’s important to be sincere and specific when expressing gratitude, so be sure to mention what you are thanking the person for and why you appreciate it.
Another way to show gratitude is to express your appreciation for someone’s character or actions. For example, you might say something like “I really appreciate your kindness and generosity” or “I’m so grateful for your support and encouragement.” By focusing on the person’s positive qualities, you can show that you value them as an individual and not just for what they have done for you.
A third way to show gratitude is to offer a small gesture of appreciation, such as sending a virtual gift or sending a handwritten note. These gestures can be especially meaningful if you are unable to be physically present with the person.
A fourth way to show gratitude is to simply be there for someone when they need it. Whether it’s offering a listening ear or providing practical assistance, being a supportive presence can mean a lot to someone who is going through a difficult time.
A fifth way to show gratitude is to make an effort to stay in touch with people, even when you are busy or live far apart. A simple message or phone call can go a long way in letting someone know that you care about them and value their friendship.
A sixth way to show gratitude is to celebrate the achievements and milestones of the people in your life. Whether it’s a big accomplishment or a small win, taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate someone’s success can mean a lot to them.
Finally, a seventh way to show gratitude is to simply be grateful and express your appreciation for the people in your life on a regular basis. This can be as simple as telling someone “I’m so glad to have you in my life” or sending a message to let them know that you are thinking of them. By expressing your gratitude frequently and consistently, you can strengthen your relationships and build deeper connections with the people in your life.
So let’s break it down…
“Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate it.”
“I can’t thank you enough for your advice and guidance.”
“I’m grateful to you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me.”
“I appreciate your willingness to lend a helping hand.”
“Thank you for being such a great support and encouragement.”
“I’m grateful for your kind words and encouragement.”
“Thank you for always being there for me and for your ongoing support.”
There you go, copy and paste these into a few chats…
Let’s have an attitude of gratitude, together, online.
You ask anyone who has run a race, hit the gym or finished an event, you wanna do that again? They will say “absolutely”, but if you ask them, you wanna do that again right now? They’ll say, “No thanks, gotta get some rest first…”
At its most basic level, resting for an activity refers to the idea of preparing oneself for an upcoming task or challenge. This might involve physical preparation, such as stretching or warming up before a workout or game, or it might involve mental or emotional preparation, such as taking a few deep breaths before a big presentation or calming oneself before a stressful meeting. Essentially, resting for an activity is about getting ourselves ready to take on whatever lies ahead.
In contrast, resting from an activity refers to the idea of taking a break after we have completed a task or challenge. This might involve physically resting our bodies after a workout or mentally decompressing after a long day at work. Resting from an activity is about allowing ourselves time to recharge and recover, both physically and mentally, so that we can be ready to tackle the next thing that comes our way.
So why is it important to differentiate between these two forms of rest as we start 2023?
For one thing, it helps us to be more mindful of our own needs and to be more intentional about how we care for ourselves. It can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, and to push ourselves too hard without taking adequate time to rest and recharge. By recognizing the importance of both resting for an activity and resting from an activity, we can be more intentional about building rest into our lives in a way that allows us to be more resilient and better equipped to handle the challenges that come our way.
This is an idea that Brené Brown has explored in her work on vulnerability and wholehearted living. In her TED Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability,” Brown discusses the importance of cultivating a sense of belonging and connection in our lives, and how this requires us to be vulnerable and open to the ups and downs of life. But being vulnerable and open also requires us to take care of ourselves, to be mindful of our own needs and to practice self-compassion. This means taking the time to rest and recharge, both before and after the challenges that we face.
For Brown, resting is not just a matter of physical or mental recovery, but also a way to connect with ourselves and with the people around us. She writes, “Rest is not the absence of work. Rest is not the absence of striving. Rest is the presence of worth. It’s the presence of love and connection.” In other words, resting is about taking time to be present with ourselves and with others, and to recognize the inherent worth and value that we bring to the world. This requires us to be intentional about building rest into our lives, and to be mindful of when we need to rest for an activity and when we need to rest from an activity.
Here are a few ways to incorporate both resting for an activity and resting from an activity into your daily routine:
Take breaks between tasks: It’s important to allow yourself time to rest and recharge between tasks, particularly if you are working on something mentally or emotionally demanding. Taking breaks can help you to refocus and feel rejuvenated, rather than burnt out.
Get enough sleep: Sleep is crucial for both physical and mental recovery, so it’s important to prioritize getting enough sleep every night. This means establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and taking steps to create a sleep-friendly environment (such as keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet).
Engage in relaxation techniques: There are many different techniques that can help you to relax and recharge, such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness practices. Experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you, and make time for relaxation on a daily basis.
Connect with others: Building connections with others is an important part of wholehearted living, and it can also be an important form of rest and recharge. Whether it’s spending quality time with friends and family, joining a social group, or participating in a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking time to connect with others can be a great way to restore your sense of balance and well-being.
Prioritize self-care: Finally, it’s important to prioritize self-care in your daily routine. This might mean setting aside time for a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking a relaxing bath or shower, or indulging in a favorite treat. Whatever it is that helps you to feel cared for and nourished, make sure to make time for it in your schedule.
Balance is so important in all of the ideas above, find your rhythm, find your pace, rest for and rest from various activities. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can be more intentional about resting for an activity and resting from an activity, and build more resilience and well-being into your life. Remember, rest is not just about physical or mental recovery, but also about cultivating a sense of connection and worth, and taking time to be present with yourself and those around you. By taking the time to rest, you can better prepare yourself for the challenges ahead and live a more wholehearted and fulfilling life.
A few days ago I was up early and a cold misty morning at Sardinia Bay was not the most auspicious of starts, but as I wrapped my red KWAY Jacket around me and trudged up the sandy dune (LOL if you know exactly what I mean), the sand was cold and the mist was thick. Even made it hard to see as the air was so moist… Can see more here about Sards.
I ran down the dune to get my feet warm and hit the water and it was freezing cold and so I just followed the shore and kept walking. Calm, windless, misty Sards. I made my way about 500 down the beach and just surround by mist, I saw these 3 Dark Horses in the distance. So I continued my way down the beach and got a very flat section of the ocean, a pond like, very flat swimming pool if you will. Ice cold water and perfect for a morning swim.
As they approached the shore, the group of horses standing at the water’s edge didn’t move, their dark coats glistening with the morning dew. They were majestic creatures, with powerful muscles rippling beneath their skin and eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul. They just have so much presence and I was so nervous that I had interrupted their walk, that I was getting in the way somehow. So I asked one of the jockeys if everything is ok, if I should move or leave “their space”, if they wanna get in the water.
And she gently replied, “No please, them seeing you in the water is giving them the courage to consider getting in the water, as they never want to walk in water, ever. So this is amazing. Thank you.
So I asked nervously if I may approach the horses and she said I could…
I approached cautiously, not wanting to startle them, but as I drew near, one of the horses turned its head towards me and let out a soft whinny. I couldn’t help but smile at the greeting, and I reached out a hand to stroke the horse’s nose. To my surprise, the horse nuzzled my hand and I let out a contented sigh. I couldn’t believe it – these wild creatures seemed almost tame, as if they were waiting for me to arrive. (I know that sounds ridiculous…)
I spent the next 10 minutes walking with with the horses, marveling at their beauty and grace as they walked gently in the shallow water, almost to my knees at times. I had never felt such a strong connection with an animal before, and I knew that this was a moment I would always treasure. I felt Gale (more about that later and my YouTube channel coming soon) Story time with Dean and Gale, say, Dean if you’re brave enough, you will give other people the courage and bravery to also step into cold situations and take some risks for their dreams. And that’s all I hope to do here… Light a fire in your bones.
And then almost instantly, the jockey gestured to her friends and the horses turned around and they said good bye, and then I was alone, with what felt like the most Holy Moment just before sunrise… I quickly whipped of my clothes and dived into the freezing water, Goodness me what a wake up. Best. Feeling. Ever.
As I turned to head back home, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe and wonder at the magic of the natural world. It was moments like these that made me believe that there was still so much out there waiting to be discovered, and that life was full of endless possibilities. I realised then that goodness me I long for the wild, I long for the cold on my skin, I longed for the insecurity and unpredictability that the weather and the wild could produce.
As humans, we are hardwired to seek security and predictability. It’s a natural instinct that helps us feel safe and grounded in a rapidly changing world. But sometimes, following our dreams requires us to make scary, insecure decisions that challenge the status quo and push us out of our comfort zone. (And sometimes we need someone to show us that some things are possible…)
For many of us, the thought of taking a risk and stepping into the unknown is downright terrifying. We worry about failing, making mistakes, or being judged by others, the fear that maybe the water is too cold and I don’t know what I could find in the depths? These fears can hold us back and prevent us from pursuing our passions and living the lives we truly want.
But as Brene Brown says, “the only way to get to the other side of fear is to walk through it.” In other words, the only way to achieve our dreams is to embrace the fear and uncertainty that comes with making bold moves.
This doesn’t mean that we should blindly charge ahead into the open seas and hope for the best without considering the potential consequences. (I think of Frozen 2 here) It’s important to carefully weigh the pros and cons and make informed decisions. But it does mean that we should be willing to take calculated risks and embrace the potential for failure as part of the journey.
Making scary, insecure decisions can also be an opportunity for growth and learning. When we face challenges and setbacks, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and come back stronger. These experiences can help us develop resilience and build the courage to take on even bigger challenges in the future. one small step into the water turns into an open water swim turns into an icy swim in the arctic circle. My prayer is that your dreams would frighten and awaken you to your core.
But perhaps most importantly, making scary, insecure decisions allows us to live authentically and follow our hearts. It’s easy to get caught up in the expectations of others or the societal norms of what we “should” be doing. But when we make the brave choice to pursue our dreams, we are able to live a life that is true to ourselves and fulfill our unique purpose.
At 19 I started to play the guitar for our little local youth ministry in Benoni. (Yes I have photos and no I won’t share them, LOL) And I recall the bravery I summoned to perform for a small audience of like 20, even though it took a million wrong notes to find the right melody and key. I remember the insecure steps I took to my first job interview as I tried to impress the boss with all the “right” words”. I remember the strength I had to pull out of my self when I had to stand for something I believed in and no one stood up with me, leaving me without a job, but standing up for what I believe was right. I even remember the insecure teenager who knelt on his girlfriends kitchen floor and asked her to marry him.
Now, we seek clarity and stability, but the truth is they aren’t real. You know this to be true with in yourself.
So if you’re feeling scared or uncertain about making a big decision, remember that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s a natural part of the process. But don’t let your fear hold you back from chasing your dreams. Embrace the insecurity and take that first step towards making your dreams a reality. You never know where it might lead you…
I’ll come with a couple lines from my favourite band, Switchfoot. (Thanks Jon)
We found a way out The city takes everything it can But outside the crowds I can feel my lungs again
Born for the blue skies We’ll survive the rain Born for the sunrise We’ll survive the pain
Holding space for someone and giving someone space are two distinct concepts that are often conflated or used interchangeably, but they have significant differences in their meanings and implications on relationships. Here I want to explore these ideas like one would a forest, slowly and gently, watching where we step as to try and see the difference between these two terms and how they can be used effectively in our relationships and communication.
Holding Space VS Giving Space
First, let’s define each term. “Holding space” refers to the act of being present with someone in a non-judgmental and supportive way, without trying to fix or change their experience or emotions. (Men I know this seems impossible and that we want to FIX FIX FIX). It involves actively listening, offering empathy and understanding, and providing a safe and caring environment for the other person to process their feelings and thoughts. “Giving someone space,” on the other hand, means allowing that person the physical or emotional distance they need to deal with their own issues or feelings without interference or pressure. It can involve taking a step back and allowing the other person to have some solitude, or it can mean giving them the time and freedom to work through their emotions on their own. For some, this can be a very lonely and isolating experience. This is why it is so key for us to understand and see the difference in approaches here.
Now that we have a basic understanding of the two concepts, let’s explore the differences between them in more detail.
One key difference between holding space
One key difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement. When you hold space for someone, you are actively present and engaged with that person, offering support and understanding as they navigate their emotions. You are not trying to solve their problems or fix their feelings, but rather you are simply there to be a supportive and caring presence. THATS IT. On the other hand, when you give someone space, you are taking a step back and allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues. You may still be available for support and communication, sending message every once in a while, but you are not as actively involved in their emotional process.
Another difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of emotional connection and intimacy. Holding space for someone involves creating a deep and meaningful connection with that person, where you are able to offer genuine empathy and understanding. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be emotionally open and present with the other person. Giving someone space, on the other hand, involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to deal with their own emotions without interference. It may involve less emotional intimacy and connection, as you are not as actively involved in their emotional process. Here it is also important to take note of whether someone said “they need space” or if you have decided to just “give them space”…
Finally, the timing and context of holding space and giving someone space can also be different. Holding space is typically done in the moment, as a way of being present and supportive with someone who is struggling or dealing with difficult emotions. It is often used as a way of offering comfort and support in the face of adversity or crisis. Giving someone space, on the other hand, may be more appropriate in situations where the other person needs some time and distance to work through their own issues or emotions. It may involve taking a step back and allowing the other person some solitude (loneliness and solitude are two things not to be confused) or independence, in order to give them the time and space they need to process their feelings. (Once again, depending on who initiated which course of action).
The place of EMPATHY and VULNERABILITY…
In friendships, empathy and vulnerability are key ingredients that help to foster deep and meaningful connections. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level by putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Vulnerability, on the other hand, involves being open and authentic with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences even when it may be difficult or uncomfortable.
Both empathy and vulnerability are essential for building and maintaining strong and healthy friendships. Without empathy, it can be difficult to fully understand and support our friends, and we may struggle to connect with them on a deeper level. Without vulnerability, we may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing our true selves with others, which can prevent us from building meaningful and authentic relationships.
By cultivating empathy and vulnerability in our friendships, we can create safe and supportive environments where we can be honest and open with each other, and where we can offer genuine support and understanding to those we care about. Whether we are dealing with joy or sadness, success or failure, by embracing empathy and vulnerability, we can create friendships that are based on genuine connection and support.
So, for me coming out of some dark places and having to fight some memories that have turned into monsters, I really hope this distinction helps someone. I think the main difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement, the level of emotional connection and intimacy, and the timing and context in which they are used. Holding space involves being present and engaged with someone in a supportive and caring way, while giving someone space involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues and emotions. Both can be valuable and important in different situations, and understanding the distinction between them can help us navigate relationships and communication more effectively.
