Dean Cothill

Tag: leadership development

  • Are you a CREATOR or are you a CONSUMER?

    Are you a CREATOR or are you a CONSUMER?

    The Lord spoke, “Let there be light,” and there was light. He spoke again, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters,” and that was done. He spoke again, “Let the earth bring forth grass, herbs yielding seed after their kind and fruit-trees bearing fruit with seed in them on the earth.” And it was so done. Again he said: “Let there be lights in heaven to divide day from night; let them also serve as signs to mark seasons, days and years.” And it was so done… So God created man in his own image…

    • Light is a symbol of knowledge
    • Light is a symbol of truth
    • Light is a symbol of understanding
    • Light is a symbol of wisdom
    • Light is a symbol of guidance
    • Light is a symbol of hope

    In the beginning was the Word.

    In the beginning was the Word. The word is important. The word is the beginning of all things, and it is God’s way to communicate and connect with us. But he has given his Word in more than one form:

    • He spoke it as Jesus Christ, so we would have a perfect example of how to behave (the life we should be living now that we are saved). Jesus said in Matthew 5:17-18 “Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill.” He fulfilled them by showing his love for us through His death on our behalf and then rising again! So now we have a new standard for living – even though it may seem impossible at times! Christ was right there, in the beginning. Let US make mankind in OUR image.
    • He gave us the Bible which records His words (and those who wrote them down too!) Everything you need for your life here on earth is contained within this collection of books – whether it be wisdom or hope or direction…you will find what you need here if you read carefully enough!

    Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness,

    Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals…and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

    Genesis 1:26-28

    So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

    When you read this passage, you can feel a sense of wonder at what kind of being God is. What is it like to be like Him? What does it mean that He has made us in His likeness? These are questions we don’t have answers to because they are beyond our comprehension as humans with limited capacity for thought and imagination. However, there is one thing we do know: that by creating us as creators ourselves (something no other creature on earth can claim), God has given us dominion over all creation and given us purpose: to build up His kingdom here on earth until it reflects His own glory forever—a job that will never be done!

    Man is a CREATOR.

    When God created man in His image, He made us CREATORS.

    This means that you have the power of creation inside of you. You are not a spectator, listener, or mere “follower”; rather you are called by God to be a communicator and doer; an innovator and creator.

    So story time with Dean and Gale (Watch Frozen 2, you’ll get it)

    Bezalel is a figure mentioned in the book of Exodus, in the Old Testament of the Bible. According to the text, Bezalel was a skilled craftsman who was chosen by God to oversee the construction of the Tabernacle, a portable sanctuary that the Israelites used during their time in the wilderness.

    According to the story, God spoke to Moses and commanded him to appoint Bezalel and his assistant, Oholiab, to oversee the construction of the Tabernacle. God also said that He would fill Bezalel with the Holy Spirit, giving him the skills and abilities needed to complete the task.

    Exodus 31 describes Bezalel as “filled with the Spirit of God, the RUACH ELOHIM, the SAME Spirit that was at the beginning of Creation, the same words, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills.” He is described as a master craftsman, skilled in a variety of trades including goldsmithing, metalworking, and woodworking. In addition to his technical skills, Bezalel is also described as a “designer” who is able to create intricate and beautiful artwork for the Tabernacle. Any designers out there? Feel that flutter in your stomach? That warmth on your shoulders?

    The role of Bezalel in the construction of the Tabernacle is seen as significant in the Bible, as the Tabernacle was a central place of worship for the Israelites and was meant to be a physical manifestation of God’s presence among them. Bezalel’s skills and abilities, given to him by the Holy Spirit, were crucial in the creation of this important structure.

    There are several themes in the story of Bezalel that are worth considering. One is the idea that God can use ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary tasks. Bezalel was not a prophet or a leader in the Israelite community; he was simply a skilled craftsman who was chosen by God to fulfill an important role. This message can be inspiring to those who may feel that they are not particularly special or gifted, as it suggests that anyone can be used by God for a significant purpose.

    • Designers
    • Interior designers
    • Graphics
    • Art
    • Paint
    • Fashion
    • Accountants
    • Architects
    • Story tellers

    Another theme is the importance of artistic expression in the worship of God. The Tabernacle was not just a functional structure, but also a place of beauty and wonder. The attention to detail and the craftsmanship that went into its construction show the value that the Israelites placed on aesthetics and the arts.

    Bezalel is an important figure in the book of Exodus, known for his skills as a craftsman and designer, and the role he played in the construction of the Tabernacle and that GOD has placed that same SPIRIT (RUACH ELOHIM) in each of us. A creative energy, a CREATOR energy. His story highlights the idea that God can use anyone to accomplish His purposes, and the value of artistic expression in the worship of God.

    So then lemme ask you this, are you a Creator or are you a Consumer?

    Are you a creator or are you a consumer?

    A creator is someone who creates things. Creators are leaders, innovators, the ones who make things happen, the ones who change the world. They’re not followers; they’re the people leading their field of work and creating something new—whether it’s an invention, service or business model. They’re also those who contribute to society in meaningful ways that make others’ lives better: teachers and mentors; doctors and nurses; artists, writers and musicians; athletes and coaches—the list goes on!

    Consumers can be creators too! The difference between being a consumer vs being a creator often comes down to mindset: if you think about yourself as someone who creates rather than just consumes then you’ll automatically start acting differently towards your goals (which leads to success). Do you just sit and read tweets or are you brave enough to tweet? Do youngest mindlessly scroll IG, or are you brave enough to throw your hat in the ring? Do you just google google google, or are you adding to the conversation? Are you just blogging from your basement or do you have some skin in the game?

    If you were to ask yourself, “Am I a Creator or am I a Consumer?”, what would you say? If you are honest with yourself, and really think about it, I think the answer should become pretty obvious, pretty quickly…

    Let’s keep in tuouch

    Grace and peace

    Dean

  • Why emotional (MENTAL) health matters in leadership

    Why emotional (MENTAL) health matters in leadership

    Hey there, so here’s the deal. I want you to take your normal, everyday life – you know, the stuff you do like sleeping, eating, working, and just going about your day – and offer it up to God. Trusting in what God does for you is the best way to honor him. Don’t just blend in with the culture around you without really thinking about it. Instead, focus on God and he will transform you from the inside out. Pay attention to what he wants from you and follow through with it. Unlike the culture that often holds you back, God helps bring out the best in you and helps you grow into a mature and well-rounded person. If you know me you’ll know that I even got Romans 12 tattoo’d on my forearm. (video coming soon)

    Romans 12 says it like this… “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Your mind. Your thoughts. Your thinking patterns need renewing. The way you think needs DAILY RENEWING. Almost like a daily wash in the Spirit. Maybe some questions if I may?

    • How to do you start/end your day?
    • Do you exercise or even go for a walk?
    • How much do you read? I don’t mean “drugged up addictive” social media scrolling
    • Who are your “sources” of inspiration?
    • How long have you had the routines you got now?

    Emotional and mental health are crucial components of effective leadership. In fact, leaders who prioritize their own emotional and mental well-being are often more effective at leading and inspiring others. This is because they are able to create a positive and supportive work environment, make sound decisions, and build trusting and authentic relationships.

    One of the key reasons why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it directly affects an individual’s ability to manage stress and handle challenges. Leaders who are emotionally and mentally healthy are better equipped to handle the demands of their roles, and are less likely to become overwhelmed or burnt out. They are also more resilient, and are able to bounce back from setbacks more quickly.

    In contrast, leaders who struggle with their emotional and mental health are more likely to make poor decisions, struggle to build positive relationships, and be less productive. They may also be more prone to conflict, and may struggle to create a positive work environment for their team.

    Another reason why emotional and mental health matters in leadership is because it is essential for building trust and authenticity. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own struggles and emotions are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. They also model healthy coping mechanisms, and encourage their team members to prioritize their own well-being.

    On the other hand, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team.

    Emotional and mental health is particularly important when it comes to building trust and authenticity within a team. Leaders who are open and vulnerable about their own emotions and struggles are more relatable, and are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty in their team. When a leader is able to share their own vulnerabilities and struggles, it creates a sense of connection and understanding. It allows team members to feel seen and heard, and to know that their leader is human and has their own challenges. This in turn can create a culture of open and honest communication, where team members feel comfortable sharing their own thoughts and feelings.

    In contrast, leaders who are closed off or defensive about their emotions may struggle to build authentic relationships with their team. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication, and can ultimately hinder the effectiveness of the team. When team members feel that their leader is not open to hearing their thoughts and feelings, it can create a sense of disconnection and mistrust. This can lead to communication breakdowns, conflicts, and ultimately, a lack of cohesion within the team.

    Therefore, it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own emotional and mental health in order to build trust and authenticity within their team. By being open and vulnerable about their own emotions, leaders can create a sense of connection and understanding, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience. Overall, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership, and it is crucial for leaders to prioritize their own well-being in order to create a positive and supportive work environment for their team.

    In conclusion, emotional and mental health is an essential component of effective leadership. It enables leaders to manage stress, make sound decisions, build authentic relationships, and create a positive work environment. By prioritizing their own well-being, leaders can set an example for their team, and inspire a culture of trust, collaboration, and resilience.

    My email address is dean@deancothill.co.za

    How are you, really?

    Grace and peace

    Dean

  • Why is SEO important for my local church?

    Why is SEO important for my local church?

    I started in the Methodist Church as a bight eyes bushy tailed 19 year old, for 9 years being a youth, young adults and worship pastor in Johannesburg and then here in Port Elizabeth (South Africa). I then changed jobs a little and then found myself in a non-denominational church for 5 years being the Online Church Pastor. (A video for another day – LOL). One church had 1000 members a service, other services we were hoping for 20 people to arrive, yes, 20! and then pre pandemic we had 2000 people per service 3 times a Sunday…

    It doesn’t matter if you’re a large church or a small church—if your website isn’t getting traffic, it’s not going to be successful. And unfortunately, getting people to visit your website is not as easy as it used to be. Search engine optimization (SEO) has become more important than ever in order for churches to get the attention of their target audiences. That’s why I’ve put together this list of five reasons why SEO is essential for churches and online churches today:

    SEO is important for increasing traffic to your church website

    Search engine optimization is important because it helps you to rank higher in search engines, like Google. This will increase the amount of traffic your website gets, which is the most effective way to drive more sales and leads. Having a high ranking on Google can also help you get more exposure through organic traffic and social media channels.

    If you want to grow your church and online church, SEO is one of the best ways to achieve this goal. Because it takes time for results, it’s an ideal long term strategy for any church pastor and creative team who doesn’t want their success dependent on short term gains from promotions or paid advertising campaigns. (So much money spent on Facebook Ads, and sometimes even more now port pandemic)

    SEO provides a higher ROI than traditional marketing

    SEO is a long-term strategy, so it’s more cost effective. SEO provides better ROI than traditional marketing. Printing 5000 flyers at the robots or local mall will only go so far. There are only 5000 of them, we don’t know who actually sees these flyers and it ends there. We have all had that one post that goes a little viral, and it just goes much further than we ever thought it could’ve.

    SEO is more targeted than traditional marketing: When you use SEO to target your audience, you can reach them when they are ready to buy and convert on your website. This is not possible with other forms of advertising, which means that the people who see your ad are much more likely to visit your church or event in the future.

    Local Church SEO is more measurable than traditional marketing: Because Google Analytics tracks all of the information about how users interact with websites, it makes sense for us to know if our efforts are paying off or not! and here we can then innovate and pivot if we need to.

    SEO builds trust and credibility

    Search engines are known for their good taste. If a website is well-known and respected, it’ll rank higher in search results. This means that you will be rewarded for the time and effort you’ve put into building trust with your audience.

    After all, if you’re an established church that built a good reputation online, why would people not trust you and your team?

    SEO helps build credibility among potential congregation or community members and helps them see that you’re trustworthy—a church they can rely on.

    SEO increases your market share

    So terrible to think like this but, Jesus has called us to go fishing, and let’s catch so much fish that the nets break… Search engine optimization is a long-term strategy. You can’t expect to see results overnight. That said, if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, SEO can increase your market share—and the amount of fish you catch. Peter, Paul and John spent many nights on the water… How many nights you spending online?

    It helps you reach new members through organic search engine placement. Not only do unique visitors come from local searches, but those who visit your website will be more likely to actually check you out online for a church service or visit you in person.

    Search engines help drive traffic back to your site so that visitors stay on it longer—which means they’ll get more value out of their experience with you and are more likely to return again later on down the road, online or in person.

    SEO has the best ROI over time

    SEO has the best ROI over time. We in ministry for the long run, yeah?

    While PPC can be a great short-term strategy, it’s important to understand that with SEO, you’re investing in your church online presence for the long term. In other words, as you grow and invest in your church online, so too will your investment in SEO grow and pay off over time. So if you’re looking for a quick win that’ll help you get started on this journey, look elsewhere—SEO is a long game that requires patience and dedication but will eventually reap rewards if you stick with it.

    There are many benefits to using search engine optimization (SEO) in your church.

    Search engine optimization is an essential part of every churches marketing strategy. It is the best return on investment (ROI) and has many long-term benefits to your church.

    SEO is a low cost marketing strategy that increases your “market” share, which will lead to more people attending church and getting connected to community in the long run.

    Conclusion

    As you can see, SEO is an essential part of any local churches’ marketing strategy. It provides many benefits that other types of marketing don’t have—including higher returns on investment and greater trust in your “brand”. If you still aren’t convinced that SEO is right for your church, then consider the fact that it has the best ROI over time because there are no upfront costs involved! That means you can start seeing results right away without having to spend big bucks first. So what are you waiting for? Start implementing these strategies today!

    Church leaders (and maybe even business owners), I hope this helps…

    Contact me if you have any questions about SEO and other online presence management things.

    Much love

    Dean

  • What does it mean to be a man? (Part 1)

    What does it mean to be a man? (Part 1)

    Are you a man? Are you a man’s man? Are you a ladies man? Ever been told to man up? Suck it up and be a man? Stop crying, boy’s don’t cry? The world we live in have told kids and men in many different ways that there are norms and that there are some things that are on the table and things that aren’t.

    So I think it’s important to note that masculinity, like any social construct, is constantly evolving and can vary significantly depending on cultural and historical context. In this response, I will focus on how masculinity has evolved in Western societies over the past five years, but it is worth noting that the experiences and expectations of masculinity can be very different in other parts of the world.

    Over the past five years, there has been a growing movement to challenge traditional notions of masculinity and to promote more inclusive and healthy expressions of masculinity. This has included a focus on issues such as toxic masculinity, male privilege, and the harmful effects of rigid gender roles on men and those around them.

    One of the key drivers of this shift has been the #MeToo movement, which has brought attention to issues of sexual harassment and assault, particularly as they relate to men’s behavior and the power dynamics between men and women. The #MeToo movement has sparked a broader conversation about the ways in which traditional notions of masculinity can contribute to harmful and oppressive behaviors, and has encouraged men to examine their own actions and beliefs and to consider how they can be part of the solution.

    Another factor that has contributed to the evolution of masculinity is the increasing recognition of the importance of mental health and emotional intelligence. In the past, there has often been a stigma attached to men seeking help for mental health issues or expressing emotions other than anger or aggression. However, in recent years there has been a growing understanding that men also experience a range of emotions and that it is important for their overall well-being to be able to express and process these emotions in healthy ways. Coming off the last 3 months, I am going to try and be brave and vulnerable and honest about so many of my struggles and emotional health issues coming off work, stress, anxiety and burnout. (All of which I never saw coming, I mean, I honestly thought it would never happen to me. EVER)

    This shift has been driven in part by the LGBTQ+ movement, which has worked to create more inclusive and accepting environments for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations. As a result, there has been a greater acceptance and understanding of the diversity of gender and sexual identities, and a recognition that not all men identify as heterosexual or conform to traditional gender roles.

    This shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality has challenged traditional notions of masculinity, which have often been based on rigid and narrow ideas of what it means to be a “man.” By allowing for a wider range of expressions of masculinity, this shift has helped to create a more inclusive and accepting society for people of all genders and sexualities.

    It is worth noting that this shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality is not limited to men, but is also applicable to women and those who do not identify with either binary gender. However, for the purposes of this response, I focused specifically on how this shift has affected and challenged traditional notions of masculinity.

    Overall, it is clear that masculinity has evolved significantly over the past five years, and will likely continue to evolve in the future. While there is still much work to be done to create more equitable and healthy expressions of masculinity, it is encouraging to see the progress that has been made in recent years.

    Having Daniel and Elizabeth has absolutely opened my eyes to what it means to be a “boy” and what it means to be a “girl” and what it means to raise a child.

    It is important to recognize that all children are unique individuals and parenting approaches should be tailored to meet the needs and personality of each individual child. That being said, there are some general differences between raising boys and girls that may be worth considering:

    • Physical differences: Boys and girls may have different physical characteristics and developmental milestones. For example, boys may develop physically and emotionally at a slightly faster pace, and may be more interested in rough-and-tumble play, and soccer, and the World Cup and Ronaldo and that final, and Messi. Girls may mature more slowly and may be more interested in dolls and imaginative play.

    • Socialization and gender roles: Boys and girls may be socialized differently by society and may be encouraged to exhibit different behaviors based on gender stereotypes. It is important for parents to be aware of these societal expectations and to try to avoid imposing rigid gender roles on their children.
    1. Communication styles: Boys and girls may communicate differently, with boys often being more physically expressive and girls more verbal. It is important for parents to be attuned to their child’s individual communication style and to try to encourage open and honest communication.
    2. Emotional expression: Boys and girls may express their emotions differently. Boys may be more likely to suppress their emotions or to express them through physical aggression, while girls may be more likely to express their emotions through verbal communication. It is important for parents to encourage open and healthy expression of emotions in both boys and girls.

    Again, it is important to remember that these are generalizations and that every child is unique. The most important thing is to approach parenting with love, patience, and an open mind, and to be responsive to the needs and personality of your individual child.

    So what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a dad?

    Stay tuned for PART 2 next week…

    Much love

    D

  • The RCT Principle

    The RCT Principle

    According to the Relational Confidence Theory, everything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational. This means that if you’re not getting support from a group or someone else (like a boss), then it’s harder to stay committed to something that doesn’t want the best for you. To put it another way, it’s about our commitment to our TASKS will be relative to how CONNECTED I feel to the TEAM.

    There is a reason why former soldiers, in a study done by Dr. Xavier Amador, committed suicide after getting out of the Army but not while they were in it.

    The reason why former soldiers, in a study done by Dr. Xavier Amador, committed suicide after getting out of the Army but not while they were in it is that soldiers have a strong sense of commitment to their unit, but not to the task. This is true for many other organizations as well and can be seen in companies where people feel isolated or like they are not doing what they were hired to do. This phenomenon can cause unnecessary turnover because people don’t want to work on projects that they don’t find meaningful.

    If you have been tasked with leading an organization’s employee engagement efforts, it may help you if you understand how your employees’ minds work when it comes to working on tasks and within groups.

    There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from within, such as when someone is passionate about something, and extrinsic motivation comes from external factors like money or praise. The problem with extrinsic motivation is that it can be fleeting and does not always provide long-term commitment to tasks. This means that if you want employees to stay on a project, they will have to care about it in some way beyond just getting paid.

    Relational Confidence Theory states that anything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational.

    While the RCT Principle is a bit more complex than this, it can be summed up as follows:

    • Relational Confidence Theory states that anything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational. The work and the people I get to do the work with.
    • Task commitment is the reason you do something; relational commitment is the reason you do it well.
    • We need both to be successful.

    Task commitment and relational commitment are two important factors that can influence the way we approach and complete tasks. Task commitment is the reason we decide to do something. It’s the motivation that drives us to take on a project or task, and it can come from a variety of sources, such as a sense of responsibility, a desire to learn or improve, or a sense of personal accomplishment.

    Relational commitment, on the other hand, is the reason we do something well. It’s the dedication and effort we put into a task because of the impact it will have on our relationships with others. For example, we might work hard on a project for a boss or colleague because we value and respect them, or because we want to maintain a positive working relationship.

    Both task and relational commitment are important, and they often go hand in hand. When we have a strong sense of task commitment, we are more likely to put in the effort and dedication needed to complete a task well. And when we have a strong sense of relational commitment, we are more likely to take pride in our work and strive to do our best in order to maintain and strengthen our relationships with others.

    However, there may be times when one type of commitment is stronger than the other. For example, we might be highly motivated to complete a task because it’s important to us personally, but not necessarily because it will have a direct impact on our relationships with others. In these cases, our task commitment may be the driving force behind our efforts.

    It’s also possible to have low levels of both task and relational commitment. In these cases, it can be difficult to find the motivation and dedication needed to complete tasks well. This is why it’s important to identify and cultivate both task and relational commitment in our work and personal lives.

    One way to do this is to set clear goals and priorities for ourselves. By focusing on what we want to achieve and why it’s important to us, we can tap into our sense of task commitment and use it to drive our efforts. We can also think about the impact our work will have on others and how it can strengthen our relationships. This can help to cultivate a sense of relational commitment and encourage us to do our best.

    Another way to foster both task and relational commitment is to find work or projects that align with our values and passions. When we are passionate about what we do, it can be easier to find the motivation and dedication needed to complete tasks well. And when we see the value in our work and how it can benefit others, it can help to strengthen our sense of relational commitment.

    In conclusion, task commitment and relational commitment are two important factors that can influence the way we approach and complete tasks. By focusing on our goals, priorities, and passions, and considering the impact our work will have on others, we can cultivate both types of commitment and increase our motivation and dedication to do our best.

    We can do something well because we are committed to our work but don’t feel like we have anyone who is backing us up.

    Another example of when the RCT principle doesn’t apply is when you’re not really committed to your work or your organization. In this case, even though you might be doing something well, it’s not going to last. Another way of looking at this situation is that sometimes people do things well because they’re committed but don’t feel like they have anyone backing them up. That leads us back to our original point; if someone feels like they are being backed up by others, then they will do their jobs better and more consistently than otherwise!

    Without support from someone else or a group, you can end up feeling like there’s no point in doing great work. You’ll start to feel resentment toward your organization or company, which is an indicator that you aren’t really committed to it as a whole anymore either (it’s harder to be committed to something that doesn’t want the best for you).

    If you’re not connected to your team and/or task with purpose and meaning, then it’s easy for others on your team (or elsewhere) who are connected with purpose and meaning themselves to get annoyed by your lack of connection. This is especially true if they’re working hard, but their efforts aren’t being recognized by anything other than the loudest person in the room (ahem).

    Conclusion

    You need to be confident in your work and know that someone is backing you up. This will help increase your productivity as well as make you feel more satisfied with what you’re doing on a daily basis. If this sounds familiar, try reaching out to someone who can support you throughout the day – whether it’s family or friends or even just talking about how stressful things have been recently!

    Grace and Peace fam

    Keep an eye out for this video to be released soon.

    Dean

  • Stand your sacred ground…

    Stand your sacred ground…

    Brené Brown, a well-known researcher and author, has a mantra that she believes can help people be more authentic: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Essentially, this means that when we are faced with situations that cause us to feel vulnerable, we tend to either shrink away or puff ourselves up in order to protect ourselves. However, Brown suggests that instead of resorting to these knee-jerk reactions, we should stand our ground and be true to ourselves.

    Now lets try something, MEN struggle with vulnerability than women right?

    It is not accurate to say that men generally struggle with vulnerability more than women. Vulnerability can be a challenging experience for people of all genders (and non-genders – I know and I am sorry), and there are many factors that can influence an individual’s ability to be vulnerable.

    One possible reason that men may struggle with vulnerability more than women is that traditional gender roles often dictate that men should be strong and self-sufficient, while women are expected to be emotional and nurturing. These societal expectations can make it more difficult for men to express vulnerability, as it may be seen as a sign of weakness.

    However, it is important to note that these gender roles are culturally constructed and not inherent to men or women. Additionally, individual differences and personal experiences can also play a role in how comfortable someone is with vulnerability. Some people may have had positive experiences with vulnerability and find it easier to be open and honest, while others may have had negative experiences and may be more hesitant to be vulnerable.

    It is important to recognize that vulnerability is a natural and necessary part of human connection, and that everyone can benefit from being able to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

    But why do we shrink or puff up in the first place? It’s often a natural response to adversity, as it’s a way to protect ourselves from shame, fear, and vulnerability. When we feel threatened or judged, we might shrink away, hiding or self-deprecating in order to avoid further harm. On the other hand, when we feel insecure, we might puff ourselves up, grandstanding or bullying in order to feel more in control. As kids, we have built up certain mechanisms to protect ourselves and many of us adults, as still using the same strategies.

    But what’s the alternative? According to Brown, the key is to stand your sacred ground. This means being true to yourself and not letting others push you around or make you feel small. It’s about standing up for what you believe in and not being afraid to show your true self, even in the face of adversity.

    So how do we do this? One key is to recognize when we are shrinking or puffing up, and to try to understand why. For example, if someone makes us feel small, we might ask ourselves what insecurities are being triggered and how we can address them. Similarly, if we find ourselves puffing up in order to feel more in control, we might try to understand what is causing that insecurity and find healthier ways to cope.

    Take a moment to PAUSE here. READ THAT AGAIN!

    It’s also important to remember that we all have the ability to make others shrink or puff up, either intentionally or unintentionally. It’s worth taking the time to reflect on our own actions and how they might impact others. Do we recognize when we are making others feel small, and do we try to stop it? Do we learn from our mistakes and try to do better in the future?

    Ultimately, the key to standing your sacred ground is to be true to yourself and not let others define you. It’s about being confident in who you are and not letting fear or insecurity hold you back. So the next time you find yourself faced with adversity, remember Brené Brown’s mantra: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Keep an eye out for another post coming soon around Moses and the Holy Ground he found himself on.

    Grace and Peace

    D.

  • What does it mean to be successful?

    What does it mean to be successful?

    As you go through your day, it’s important to ask yourself what it is that you truly want out of this world and out of your life. Is it success and prosperity? Is it happiness and fulfillment? Whatever it may be, it’s essential to take some time to reflect on these desires and consider how they align with your values and goals.

    PLEASE remember, this is the only life you have, and it’s up to you to make the most of it. I mean as I type that it sounds so stupid, obviously this is my only life Dean, DUH! But… When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to think about what it is that you want to achieve that day. Are there any specific goals or tasks that you want to accomplish? As you go about your day, keep these desires at the forefront of your mind and strive to work towards them with determination and purpose.

    “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” – Jon Foreman

    As you interact with your friends and loved ones, consider what it is that you want from these relationships. Do you want to build strong, lasting connections with those around you? Do you want to support and encourage one another as you work towards your individual goals? These are important questions to ask as you navigate your social interactions and cultivate the relationships that matter most to you.

    Finally, as you lay down to sleep at night, take a moment to reflect on the day that has passed and consider what it is that you really want from your life as a whole. Do you want to make a positive impact on the world around you? Do you want to achieve personal and professional success? Whatever it may be, it’s important to hold onto these desires and work towards them with passion and purpose.

    So, ask yourself: what do you really want from your life? This is your chance to chase after your dreams and make them a reality. Don’t let this opportunity slip away. Do you want to be successful? Then go out and make it happen! With hard work, dedication, and a clear vision of what it is you want to achieve, you can make your dreams a reality and live a fulfilling, meaningful life.

    BUT WHAT IS SUCCESS?

    Success is a multifaceted concept that can be difficult to define, but at its core, it is about finding and fulfilling your purpose in life. It is about constantly striving to grow and reach your maximum potential, not just in terms of career or financial success, but in all aspects of your life. Success is also about making a positive impact on the world around you, by planting seeds that benefit others.

    To truly achieve success, it is important to first identify what your purpose is. This can be a challenging process, and may involve some introspection and self-discovery. It may involve asking yourself what truly matters to you and what you are passionate about. It may also involve identifying your strengths and areas for improvement, and finding ways to use those skills and talents to make a difference in the world. Some questions later on that…

    Identifying your purpose in life can be a challenging process, and may involve some introspection and self-discovery, but like a Mark Twain once said “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” 

    It is about figuring out what truly matters to you and what you are passionate about. This may involve looking back on your past experiences and asking yourself what has brought you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. It may also involve looking ahead and thinking about what you want to accomplish and the impact you want to make in the world.

    To identify your purpose, it may be helpful to ask yourself some questions, such as:

    • What do I love doing?
    • What are my values and what is important to me?
    • What skills and talents do I have that I can use to make a positive difference in the world?
    • What are my goals and aspirations?
    • What makes me happy and fulfilled?
    • What “seeds” could I plant that could benefit others (more on this in a later video)

    It may also be helpful to seek guidance and advice from others, such as friends, family, mentors, or therapists. They may be able to offer valuable insights and perspectives that can help you clarify your purpose.

    Once you have identified your purpose, it is important to set goals and work towards them. This may involve setting short-term and long-term goals, and taking small steps towards achieving them. It may also involve seeking out opportunities for growth and learning, such as through education, training, or new experiences. By setting goals and working towards them, you can stay motivated and focused on your purpose, and make progress towards achieving your aspirations.

    As you work towards your goals and grow as an individual, it is also important to remember the importance of planting seeds that benefit others. This can take many forms, such as volunteering your time, making charitable donations, or simply being kind and compassionate towards those around you. Even by planting a seed of an idea for a friend could be incredibly meaningful to them.

    “Can I plant a seed?” – DC

    By helping others and giving back to your community, you can make a positive impact on the world and contribute to the greater good.

    What is success? What does it even mean to be successful? My parents would have different answers, their parents would also have completely different answers, for me, success is about knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and planting seeds that benefit others. By focusing on these key areas, you can create a meaningful and fulfilling life that is rich in purpose and impact, and hey, it might even make you and your people, happy.

    Grace and peace

    Dean

  • How can I learn from my past to benefit my future?

    How can I learn from my past to benefit my future?

    John C Maxwell once said, “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” I’m not gonna tell John what to do but I’d obviously add “woman” there…

    Being a stand-up guy means owning up to your mistakes. We all make them, it’s just part of being human. But it takes a certain kind of strength to admit when you’re wrong and to try to learn from it. It takes a certain kind of intelligence, too. After all, if you’re not smart enough to see where you went wrong, how are you going to avoid making the same mistake again in the future?

    Admitting that you’ve made a mistake can be tough, especially if it’s a mistake that has had significant consequences or caused harm to others, friends or family. It takes a certain kind of strength and character to be able to look at yourself honestly and admit when you’ve messed up. But it’s not just about admitting the mistake – it’s also about learning from it.

    One way to profit from your mistakes is to take some time to reflect on what went wrong and why. What led you to make the mistake in the first place? Were there warning signs that you ignored or didn’t pay attention to? What can you do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake again? These are all important questions to ask yourself as you try to learn from your mistakes.

    Another way to profit from your mistakes is to seek out the advice and guidance of others. Maybe you made a mistake in your personal life and could benefit from the perspective of a trusted friend or family member. Or maybe you made a mistake at work and could use the guidance of a mentor or supervisor. Whatever the case may be, seeking out the advice of others can help you gain a new perspective on your mistake and figure out how to move forward in a positive way.

    Finally, it’s important to remember that admitting and learning from your mistakes is just the first step. In order to truly profit from your mistakes, you need to have the strength and determination to actually correct them. This might mean making amends with someone you’ve hurt, changing certain behaviors or habits, or even starting a new project or venture in an effort to right the wrongs of the past. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to correct the mistakes we’ve made, but it’s an essential part of the process of learning and growing as a person.

    In short, admitting your mistakes and learning from them is just the beginning. It takes real strength and determination to actually correct the mistakes we’ve made and move forward in a positive direction. But with the right attitude and approach, it’s possible to turn even the biggest mistakes into valuable learning experiences that help us grow and improve as individuals.

    So, to sum it up: being a man (or a woman, for that matter LOL) means having the courage to admit your mistakes, the brains to learn from them, and the strength to correct them. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. After all, we all make mistakes, but it’s how we handle them that really defines us as people. So, be big enough to admit your mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.

    • So husbands, go say sorry to your partners
    • Moms go say sorry to your kids
    • Teachers go say sorry to your pupils
    • Friends go say sorry to each other
    • Maybe today, you gotta say sorry to yourself? Forgive yourself? and figure out how to make the next necessary steps?
    • Make that phone call
    • text that friends
    • Mend that fence

    Maybe a closing mantra, “forgive me, as I forgive others…”

    Grace and Peace

    D

  • Why is it important to slow down in our daily lives?

    Why is it important to slow down in our daily lives?

    Hey hey! Have you ever noticed how the sound of your phone pinging can make you feel? Well, I recently found out that I have stress and anxiety-induced clinical depression. Fun, right? But one thing that has really helped me is turning off all notifications on my phone. They can make me feel so rushed, like I have to be somewhere all the time. It’s overwhelming and can contribute to my anxiety.

    It’s funny how something as small as phone notifications can have such a big impact on our mood and overall well-being. But it’s true. We live in a world where we’re constantly connected, and it can be tough to disconnect and give ourselves a break. But it’s important to do so, especially if you’re struggling with stress or anxiety.

    So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the constant pinging of your phone, consider turning off those notifications. Take some time for yourself and give your mind a break. It might just make a huge difference in how you feel.

    In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives. Faster internet, faster food, faster cars, faster deliveries, getting to and from faster is what’s more important and just merely fast fast fast! We’re constantly bombarded with stimuli – notifications on our phones, emails, social media updates, and the never-ending to-do lists that seem to pile up. It can feel like we’re constantly running on a hamster wheel, trying to keep up with everything that’s going on around us.

    But here’s the thing: it’s more important than ever before to slow down and take a step back. Here’s why.

    First and foremost, slowing down can help us be more productive. When we’re constantly rushing from one task to the next, it’s easy to make mistakes or overlook important details. By taking the time to slow down and focus on one thing at a time, we can actually be more efficient and get more done.

    In addition to being more productive, slowing down can also help us be more present and mindful. When we’re moving at a million miles an hour, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts and miss out on what’s happening in the present moment. By slowing down, we can be more aware of our surroundings and the people around us, which can help us form deeper connections and appreciate the beauty in life’s little moments.

    Slowing down can have significant benefits for both our physical and mental well-being. When we are constantly on the go, our bodies and minds can become strained and overwhelmed, which can lead to a range of health issues such as high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, and even depression. However, by taking the time to slow down and relax, we allow our bodies and minds to rest and rejuvenate.

    Being constantly in a state of high stress can take a toll on our bodies. When we are under stress, our bodies produce hormones such as cortisol, which can have negative effects on our health. High levels of cortisol in the body have been linked to increased blood pressure, weight gain, and a higher risk of heart disease. Additionally, stress can affect our sleep patterns, leading to difficulty falling and staying asleep.

    Mental health is also impacted by the fast-paced nature of our modern lives. When we are constantly on the go, our minds can become overwhelmed, leading to feelings of anxiety and depression. Taking time to slow down and relax can help to reduce stress and improve mental health.

    By setting aside time to relax and unwind, we can give our bodies and minds the chance to rest and restore themselves. This can involve activities such as meditation, yoga, or simply taking a walk in nature. By taking the time to slow down and prioritize our own well-being, we can improve our overall emotional health.

    But perhaps the biggest reason to slow down is because it can help us find a sense of balance and happiness in our lives. When we’re always going at breakneck speed, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s truly important and what brings us joy. By slowing down, we can take the time to reflect on our values and priorities and make sure that we’re aligning our actions with what truly matters to us.

    So, how can you slow down in this fast-paced world? Here are a few tips:

    • Set aside some time each day to disconnect from technology and just be present. This could be as simple as taking a walk in nature or sitting in a quiet space and just taking some deep breaths.
    • Practice mindfulness meditation or other forms of mindfulness, such as journaling or coloring. These activities can help you focus on the present moment and find some peace and tranquility.
    • Make a conscious effort to simplify your life. This could mean decluttering your home, streamlining your schedule, or letting go of activities or obligations that don’t bring you joy.
    • Take breaks and give yourself permission to relax. It’s okay to take a break from work or other responsibilities and just do something that brings you joy.

    Slowing down might not come naturally in a world that values productivity and speed, but it’s so worth it. By taking the time to slow down and be more present, we can be more productive, healthier, and happier. So go ahead, take a deep breath, and remember to slow down once in a while. You’ll be glad you did.

    Take a deep breathe. Take a moment. Slow down a little. It’ll all be ok.

    Grace and peace

    Dean

  • 7 moments to a better YOU

    7 moments to a better YOU

    Hello friends, I hope you’re well and that you’re building the life that you always dreamed of. Your dollhouse dreams, your fairytale ending, its all in you and I hope you find some of that today. Here are 7 simple ideas to hopefully keep us all on the right track to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

    • Make a commitment to yourself to improve every day.

    This means that you are dedicated to learning, self-improvement, and personal development on a daily basis. It’s about setting goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, even when it’s challenging. This can involve things like learning new skills, setting aside time for personal growth activities, or seeking out opportunities to challenge yourself and stretch your abilities. By making a commitment to grow daily, you are setting yourself up for long-term success and positioning yourself for continuous learning and improvement. It’s important to remember that growth and development are ongoing processes, and making a commitment to them means that you are willing to put in the time and effort to continuously improve and evolve as a person.

    • Don’t just focus on the end result, appreciate the journey and learning along the way.

    Point 2 is about valuing the process more than the outcome or end result. This means that you recognize that the journey and the learning along the way are just as important, if not more so, than the final destination. It’s about being present in the moment and enjoying the process of working towards a goal, rather than just focusing on the end result. This can involve things like embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than seeing them as failures. By valuing the process, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you are able to stay open to new opportunities and experiences that may arise along the way, rather than being too focused on a specific end result.

    • Don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started, just start now.

    Point 3 is about not waiting for inspiration or the perfect moment to get started on something. THERE IS NO PERFECT MOMENT! Lemme say this again, THERE IS NO MOMENT, THIS IS “IT”!

    This means that you recognize that inspiration and motivation can come and go, and that it’s important to just take action and get started, even when you don’t feel particularly inspired or motivated. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to take control of your own progress and move forward, rather than being held back by your own lack of motivation or inspiration. This can involve things like setting small, achievable goals for yourself and working towards them consistently, or breaking larger goals down into smaller steps and tackling them one at a time. By not waiting for inspiration, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, even when you don’t feel particularly motivated. Additionally, by taking action and getting started, you may find that you become more inspired and motivated as you progress, which can help to keep you moving forward.

    • Be willing to give up short-term pleasure for long-term growth and success.

    Point 4 is about being willing to sacrifice short-term pleasure or comfort for long-term opportunity or growth. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to achieve your goals or reach your full potential, you may need to make sacrifices in the present.

    Having kids makes us see this, they have absolutely not patience to wait, and if we can just convince them to wait another week, its gonna be better and greater than they can imagine. Convincing my son Daniel to just wait a little longer, it’ll be worth it is half of raising him… This can involve things like giving up leisure time or activities that you enjoy in order to focus on your goals, or taking on additional responsibilities or challenges that may be uncomfortable or difficult in the short term but will ultimately help you to grow and develop in the long term. By being willing to make these sacrifices, you are able to focus on your priorities and stay committed to your goals, even when it’s not easy. It’s important to remember that these sacrifices are often temporary, and that by making them, you are positioning yourself for long-term success and growth.

    • Don’t be afraid to dream big and set high goals for yourself.

    Point 5 is about dreaming big and setting high goals for yourself. The classic, if your dreams don’t scare you, they NOT BIG ENOUGH! It means that you are not afraid to think big and aim high, and that you believe in your own ability to achieve your goals, no matter how ambitious they may be. By dreaming big, you are able to set your sights on what you really want to achieve in life, rather than settling for less. It’s important to remember that your goals don’t have to be realistic or achievable in the short term, but rather they should be something that inspires and motivates you to work towards them. By dreaming big and setting high goals, you are able to stay motivated and engaged in your work, and you are more likely to find fulfillment and meaning in what you do. Additionally, by setting big goals for yourself, you are able to push yourself to reach your full potential and achieve things that you may not have thought possible.

    “Why would you want to settle for staring at the ceiling when you were meant to stare at the stars” – DC

    • Make a plan and prioritize your tasks to ensure you stay on track.

    This is ALL about planning your priorities and organizing your tasks in order to achieve your goals. This means that you take the time to think about what is most important to you and what needs to be done in order to achieve your goals. It involves creating a plan and organizing your tasks in a way that allows you to focus on your priorities and stay on track. This can involve things like making a to-do list, setting deadlines for yourself, or using tools and techniques like time management or goal setting to help you stay organized and focused. Here I try and think in 3 stages.

    • 2 weeks
    • 6 weeks
    • 12 weeks

    Here I can see what needs to happen by the end of next week and what the next 3 months looks like. We can’t do more than that… By planning your priorities and organizing your tasks, you are able to stay focused and make progress towards your goals, rather than getting overwhelmed or sidetracked by less important tasks. PLAN and be PROACTIVE rather than being UNPLANNED and REACTIVE all the time.

    “Urgent will always trump important in any environment” – DC

    And urgent just always seems to sneak up on us and our lives. It’s important to remember that this process is ongoing and that you will need to continuously review and adjust your plan as your priorities change or new challenges arise. But thats all on you, you run your calendar, you calendar does not run you!

    1. Be willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential.

    Point 7 is about being willing to let go of things that are holding you back in order to move forward and reach your full potential. This means that you recognize that sometimes, in order to grow and improve, you may need to let go of certain things that are holding you back. This can involve things like letting go of negative thoughts or beliefs that limit your potential, or letting go of relationships or situations that are no longer serving you. Are there some things that you’re still holding onto that you should have dropped years ago?Hurt or unforgiveness that are the loudest voices in your head?

    By being willing to let go, you are able to make room for new opportunities and experiences that will help you to grow and develop. It’s important to remember that letting go can be difficult, and that it may involve facing your fears or making difficult decisions. However, by being willing to let go, you are able to move forward and reach your full potential, rather than being held back by things that are no longer serving you.

    DC signing off

    Grace and peace friends,

    I hope you find what you’re looking for.