Dean Cothill

Tag: vulnerable team work

  • What does it mean to be a man? (Part 1)

    What does it mean to be a man? (Part 1)

    Are you a man? Are you a man’s man? Are you a ladies man? Ever been told to man up? Suck it up and be a man? Stop crying, boy’s don’t cry? The world we live in have told kids and men in many different ways that there are norms and that there are some things that are on the table and things that aren’t.

    So I think it’s important to note that masculinity, like any social construct, is constantly evolving and can vary significantly depending on cultural and historical context. In this response, I will focus on how masculinity has evolved in Western societies over the past five years, but it is worth noting that the experiences and expectations of masculinity can be very different in other parts of the world.

    Over the past five years, there has been a growing movement to challenge traditional notions of masculinity and to promote more inclusive and healthy expressions of masculinity. This has included a focus on issues such as toxic masculinity, male privilege, and the harmful effects of rigid gender roles on men and those around them.

    One of the key drivers of this shift has been the #MeToo movement, which has brought attention to issues of sexual harassment and assault, particularly as they relate to men’s behavior and the power dynamics between men and women. The #MeToo movement has sparked a broader conversation about the ways in which traditional notions of masculinity can contribute to harmful and oppressive behaviors, and has encouraged men to examine their own actions and beliefs and to consider how they can be part of the solution.

    Another factor that has contributed to the evolution of masculinity is the increasing recognition of the importance of mental health and emotional intelligence. In the past, there has often been a stigma attached to men seeking help for mental health issues or expressing emotions other than anger or aggression. However, in recent years there has been a growing understanding that men also experience a range of emotions and that it is important for their overall well-being to be able to express and process these emotions in healthy ways. Coming off the last 3 months, I am going to try and be brave and vulnerable and honest about so many of my struggles and emotional health issues coming off work, stress, anxiety and burnout. (All of which I never saw coming, I mean, I honestly thought it would never happen to me. EVER)

    This shift has been driven in part by the LGBTQ+ movement, which has worked to create more inclusive and accepting environments for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations. As a result, there has been a greater acceptance and understanding of the diversity of gender and sexual identities, and a recognition that not all men identify as heterosexual or conform to traditional gender roles.

    This shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality has challenged traditional notions of masculinity, which have often been based on rigid and narrow ideas of what it means to be a “man.” By allowing for a wider range of expressions of masculinity, this shift has helped to create a more inclusive and accepting society for people of all genders and sexualities.

    It is worth noting that this shift towards more fluid and non-binary expressions of gender and sexuality is not limited to men, but is also applicable to women and those who do not identify with either binary gender. However, for the purposes of this response, I focused specifically on how this shift has affected and challenged traditional notions of masculinity.

    Overall, it is clear that masculinity has evolved significantly over the past five years, and will likely continue to evolve in the future. While there is still much work to be done to create more equitable and healthy expressions of masculinity, it is encouraging to see the progress that has been made in recent years.

    Having Daniel and Elizabeth has absolutely opened my eyes to what it means to be a “boy” and what it means to be a “girl” and what it means to raise a child.

    It is important to recognize that all children are unique individuals and parenting approaches should be tailored to meet the needs and personality of each individual child. That being said, there are some general differences between raising boys and girls that may be worth considering:

    • Physical differences: Boys and girls may have different physical characteristics and developmental milestones. For example, boys may develop physically and emotionally at a slightly faster pace, and may be more interested in rough-and-tumble play, and soccer, and the World Cup and Ronaldo and that final, and Messi. Girls may mature more slowly and may be more interested in dolls and imaginative play.

    • Socialization and gender roles: Boys and girls may be socialized differently by society and may be encouraged to exhibit different behaviors based on gender stereotypes. It is important for parents to be aware of these societal expectations and to try to avoid imposing rigid gender roles on their children.
    1. Communication styles: Boys and girls may communicate differently, with boys often being more physically expressive and girls more verbal. It is important for parents to be attuned to their child’s individual communication style and to try to encourage open and honest communication.
    2. Emotional expression: Boys and girls may express their emotions differently. Boys may be more likely to suppress their emotions or to express them through physical aggression, while girls may be more likely to express their emotions through verbal communication. It is important for parents to encourage open and healthy expression of emotions in both boys and girls.

    Again, it is important to remember that these are generalizations and that every child is unique. The most important thing is to approach parenting with love, patience, and an open mind, and to be responsive to the needs and personality of your individual child.

    So what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a dad?

    Stay tuned for PART 2 next week…

    Much love

    D

  • The RCT Principle

    The RCT Principle

    According to the Relational Confidence Theory, everything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational. This means that if you’re not getting support from a group or someone else (like a boss), then it’s harder to stay committed to something that doesn’t want the best for you. To put it another way, it’s about our commitment to our TASKS will be relative to how CONNECTED I feel to the TEAM.

    There is a reason why former soldiers, in a study done by Dr. Xavier Amador, committed suicide after getting out of the Army but not while they were in it.

    The reason why former soldiers, in a study done by Dr. Xavier Amador, committed suicide after getting out of the Army but not while they were in it is that soldiers have a strong sense of commitment to their unit, but not to the task. This is true for many other organizations as well and can be seen in companies where people feel isolated or like they are not doing what they were hired to do. This phenomenon can cause unnecessary turnover because people don’t want to work on projects that they don’t find meaningful.

    If you have been tasked with leading an organization’s employee engagement efforts, it may help you if you understand how your employees’ minds work when it comes to working on tasks and within groups.

    There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from within, such as when someone is passionate about something, and extrinsic motivation comes from external factors like money or praise. The problem with extrinsic motivation is that it can be fleeting and does not always provide long-term commitment to tasks. This means that if you want employees to stay on a project, they will have to care about it in some way beyond just getting paid.

    Relational Confidence Theory states that anything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational.

    While the RCT Principle is a bit more complex than this, it can be summed up as follows:

    • Relational Confidence Theory states that anything we do has two kinds of commitment involved: task and relational. The work and the people I get to do the work with.
    • Task commitment is the reason you do something; relational commitment is the reason you do it well.
    • We need both to be successful.

    Task commitment and relational commitment are two important factors that can influence the way we approach and complete tasks. Task commitment is the reason we decide to do something. It’s the motivation that drives us to take on a project or task, and it can come from a variety of sources, such as a sense of responsibility, a desire to learn or improve, or a sense of personal accomplishment.

    Relational commitment, on the other hand, is the reason we do something well. It’s the dedication and effort we put into a task because of the impact it will have on our relationships with others. For example, we might work hard on a project for a boss or colleague because we value and respect them, or because we want to maintain a positive working relationship.

    Both task and relational commitment are important, and they often go hand in hand. When we have a strong sense of task commitment, we are more likely to put in the effort and dedication needed to complete a task well. And when we have a strong sense of relational commitment, we are more likely to take pride in our work and strive to do our best in order to maintain and strengthen our relationships with others.

    However, there may be times when one type of commitment is stronger than the other. For example, we might be highly motivated to complete a task because it’s important to us personally, but not necessarily because it will have a direct impact on our relationships with others. In these cases, our task commitment may be the driving force behind our efforts.

    It’s also possible to have low levels of both task and relational commitment. In these cases, it can be difficult to find the motivation and dedication needed to complete tasks well. This is why it’s important to identify and cultivate both task and relational commitment in our work and personal lives.

    One way to do this is to set clear goals and priorities for ourselves. By focusing on what we want to achieve and why it’s important to us, we can tap into our sense of task commitment and use it to drive our efforts. We can also think about the impact our work will have on others and how it can strengthen our relationships. This can help to cultivate a sense of relational commitment and encourage us to do our best.

    Another way to foster both task and relational commitment is to find work or projects that align with our values and passions. When we are passionate about what we do, it can be easier to find the motivation and dedication needed to complete tasks well. And when we see the value in our work and how it can benefit others, it can help to strengthen our sense of relational commitment.

    In conclusion, task commitment and relational commitment are two important factors that can influence the way we approach and complete tasks. By focusing on our goals, priorities, and passions, and considering the impact our work will have on others, we can cultivate both types of commitment and increase our motivation and dedication to do our best.

    We can do something well because we are committed to our work but don’t feel like we have anyone who is backing us up.

    Another example of when the RCT principle doesn’t apply is when you’re not really committed to your work or your organization. In this case, even though you might be doing something well, it’s not going to last. Another way of looking at this situation is that sometimes people do things well because they’re committed but don’t feel like they have anyone backing them up. That leads us back to our original point; if someone feels like they are being backed up by others, then they will do their jobs better and more consistently than otherwise!

    Without support from someone else or a group, you can end up feeling like there’s no point in doing great work. You’ll start to feel resentment toward your organization or company, which is an indicator that you aren’t really committed to it as a whole anymore either (it’s harder to be committed to something that doesn’t want the best for you).

    If you’re not connected to your team and/or task with purpose and meaning, then it’s easy for others on your team (or elsewhere) who are connected with purpose and meaning themselves to get annoyed by your lack of connection. This is especially true if they’re working hard, but their efforts aren’t being recognized by anything other than the loudest person in the room (ahem).

    Conclusion

    You need to be confident in your work and know that someone is backing you up. This will help increase your productivity as well as make you feel more satisfied with what you’re doing on a daily basis. If this sounds familiar, try reaching out to someone who can support you throughout the day – whether it’s family or friends or even just talking about how stressful things have been recently!

    Grace and Peace fam

    Keep an eye out for this video to be released soon.

    Dean

  • Stand your sacred ground…

    Stand your sacred ground…

    Brené Brown, a well-known researcher and author, has a mantra that she believes can help people be more authentic: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Essentially, this means that when we are faced with situations that cause us to feel vulnerable, we tend to either shrink away or puff ourselves up in order to protect ourselves. However, Brown suggests that instead of resorting to these knee-jerk reactions, we should stand our ground and be true to ourselves.

    Now lets try something, MEN struggle with vulnerability than women right?

    It is not accurate to say that men generally struggle with vulnerability more than women. Vulnerability can be a challenging experience for people of all genders (and non-genders – I know and I am sorry), and there are many factors that can influence an individual’s ability to be vulnerable.

    One possible reason that men may struggle with vulnerability more than women is that traditional gender roles often dictate that men should be strong and self-sufficient, while women are expected to be emotional and nurturing. These societal expectations can make it more difficult for men to express vulnerability, as it may be seen as a sign of weakness.

    However, it is important to note that these gender roles are culturally constructed and not inherent to men or women. Additionally, individual differences and personal experiences can also play a role in how comfortable someone is with vulnerability. Some people may have had positive experiences with vulnerability and find it easier to be open and honest, while others may have had negative experiences and may be more hesitant to be vulnerable.

    It is important to recognize that vulnerability is a natural and necessary part of human connection, and that everyone can benefit from being able to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

    But why do we shrink or puff up in the first place? It’s often a natural response to adversity, as it’s a way to protect ourselves from shame, fear, and vulnerability. When we feel threatened or judged, we might shrink away, hiding or self-deprecating in order to avoid further harm. On the other hand, when we feel insecure, we might puff ourselves up, grandstanding or bullying in order to feel more in control. As kids, we have built up certain mechanisms to protect ourselves and many of us adults, as still using the same strategies.

    But what’s the alternative? According to Brown, the key is to stand your sacred ground. This means being true to yourself and not letting others push you around or make you feel small. It’s about standing up for what you believe in and not being afraid to show your true self, even in the face of adversity.

    So how do we do this? One key is to recognize when we are shrinking or puffing up, and to try to understand why. For example, if someone makes us feel small, we might ask ourselves what insecurities are being triggered and how we can address them. Similarly, if we find ourselves puffing up in order to feel more in control, we might try to understand what is causing that insecurity and find healthier ways to cope.

    Take a moment to PAUSE here. READ THAT AGAIN!

    It’s also important to remember that we all have the ability to make others shrink or puff up, either intentionally or unintentionally. It’s worth taking the time to reflect on our own actions and how they might impact others. Do we recognize when we are making others feel small, and do we try to stop it? Do we learn from our mistakes and try to do better in the future?

    Ultimately, the key to standing your sacred ground is to be true to yourself and not let others define you. It’s about being confident in who you are and not letting fear or insecurity hold you back. So the next time you find yourself faced with adversity, remember Brené Brown’s mantra: “Don’t Shrink, Don’t Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground.” Keep an eye out for another post coming soon around Moses and the Holy Ground he found himself on.

    Grace and Peace

    D.