I have had to learn this the hard way. Elzaan and I have had to learn this the hard way. We have had to learn how to create spaces for each other to look after ourselves. Parenting requires a lot of self-care. Our capacity to care for our children decreases as we take less care of ourselves. Although it may seem illogical, this is a fundamental truth that many of us find difficult to embrace. Jesus encourages us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. So maybe put a little differently, parents love your children as you love yourself. I think in the world that we live in today, we have almost gone way way way left and have loved our kids so much to the point of forgetting and neglecting ourselves. So maybe we should be saying, love yourself, as you love your kids?
Love yourself.
We all know how these days go, up at 5, prep lunch boxes, quick showers all round, choosing what to wear, for everyone haha and all the rest. The planned things and the unplanned things. Lord help us. As parents, we frequently prioritize the needs of our kids before our own. We place a higher priority on meeting their physical, emotional, and educational requirements, frequently at the expense of our own needs. We could believe that by prioritizing our kids, we are doing what is best for them. This way of thinking, meanwhile, can result in exhaustion, resentment, and a lack of REAL bonding with our kids.
You matter.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we get worn out on the inside and out. We could become agitated and quick-tempered, which might result in arguments with our kids. We are also less able to think properly and make wise decisions when we are low on energy. Our relationships with our children may suffer as a result of our finding it difficult to participate in activities we used to enjoy. Side note, when was the last time you just laughed with your child? Make jokes? Played hide and seek?
Self-care is not being a jerk. Both for the sake of our own health and the health of our kids, it is crucial. In order to be present, forgiving, and loving with our kids, we must take care of ourselves. And as we live that out in the presence of our children they actually see us doing these things and so ingrain in them the idea that looking after yourself is crucial to daily life.
Self-care
For every person, self-care might appear different. Exercise, meditation, counseling, or simply setting aside a little period of time each day to read a book or relax with a cup of tea can all be part of it. It is crucial that we carve out time in our hectic schedules for self-care, no matter what form it takes. Each of us have to make this decision, whatever it may look like…
Daily grind and self care
I am not here, I have not arrived. We are coming out of a 3 year lock down, pandemic, 2019 shambles, which put so many other stresses on what it meant to be parents and have kids. Some of us even have lock down babies and I’m sure we gonna be hearing more and more about what this means for us as more and more people do research and studies on this. What I do hope you hear me saying though is this, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a need. To be able to care for our children, we must first take care of ourselves. We must never forget that our children are at their best when we are. “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,” Brené Brown explains.
Even though we are aware of the significant impact social media can have on church growth, it can be challenging to find the time to keep up a strong social presence for your ministry (especially since you probably already have a long list of other tasks on your to-do list). How are these other churches managing to do this? Budget conversations aside, it all really comes down to ONE THING.
Simply put: teamwork. How does the saying go? Team work makes the dream work?
Putting together, organizing, and managing a team can be the solution to your problems! You are probably surrounded by a lot of eager workers, from teenagers who are more adept at Instagram and TikTok than you are to seniors who have finally mastered Facebook.
Here are 5 suggestions for creating the ideal social media team:
1. Simplify the process
It could be challenging to recruit volunteers if your standard start-to-finish process for creating content, publishing it, and tracking engagement involves 14 different editing suites and tools, apps, and platforms. Making things simple for them will ultimately make things simple for you.
Use a scheduling tool that enables a volunteer to publish to three social media accounts simultaneously, such as Hootsuite, Planoly or Later. Create as many posts as you can at once rather than one at a time, if at all possible. Without compromising brand integrity, simplifying the procedure can prevent a lot of misunderstandings between you and your volunteers.
2. Start with the people you already have
If you work for a large church and don’t know everyone, it is crucial to build your team around people you can trust. You are essentially giving this team control over certain facets of your church’s brand, which is a major responsibility. Making a cold appeal for volunteers can make it challenging to distinguish between wise decision-making and passionate but irresponsible engagement.
Team work makes the dream work
It’s much better to start with 2 or 3 people who you already respect and who you know have the best interests of the church at heart. You will be able to communicate effectively and have faith in their commitment as a result. By enlisting unidentified individuals, you run the risk of a volunteer shirking their duties without warning.
3. Gather around A Table together (with food and coffee obviously)
Get your (social) media team together in one place as frequently as you can. The camera guys, the designers, the video and switchers, you name it. Start small. Get them in a room and eat some good food. You may get to know each other by sharing meals and playing games, which will ultimately result in improved teamwork. Ask someone to invite a friend who has a camera, or someone who has got the hand of the latest TikTok trend and be open to learning a few things in that world. We really do have teenagers who can do more with their phones these days than entire media teams at some agencies.
Work together and brainstorm ideas on a regular basis to let everyone’s own brilliance emerge. Make sure everyone feels important and that their views are taken into consideration as the leader. By reading articles together or watching videos, you can both learn more about best practices and current trends and raise your skill level. As a group, discuss areas that could use improvement and work through issues.
The most crucial thing is to assign duties for the future week or month. It is your duty as the leader to make your expectations clear so that everyone knows what they are responsible for.
4. Start really really small, NO, smaller.
Make assignments simple for your team to complete, at least at first. Start with something simple because you probably aren’t working with highly skilled marketing experts.
Example: I’ve actually done this
Ask your photographer to get 5 images on Sunday. That’s all 5. 1 of the volunteers, one at kids church, one of the worship, one of the preacher and one in the coffee shop afterwards. That’s all. Edit them. Use them, and go from there.
Give positive feedback when they finish a task. If necessary, correct the person. By communicating this way, they will learn your expectations and standards and enhance their communication abilities.
5. Be brave, call out and ask for skilled professionals to help
There’s a good chance that you don’t even realize how many creative people are present in your auditorium (or online broadcast) on any given Sunday. Find qualified experts or brilliant amateurs in your community of faith by using social media, announcement opportunities, and networking. Visual artists, photographers, and graphic designers can significantly improve a company’s social media presence. Find a local Digital Expert and ask for some of their rime to come sit with a few volunteers and inspire them. Ask, and you shall receive.
When will you discover these artistic geniuses? Don’t consider them to be routine. Give them creative flexibility, distribute the work, and maintain open lines of communication. Dream with them. Give them space to create. This is a new world, a digital space that makes sense to some people, they just get it. Trust them and build with them. Believe me, it’ll be worth it. The very last thing you want to do is exploit volunteers and give them the impression that their value is solely in their service. Make them part of the team, the photographers and the musicians and the coffee shop crew and the kids church team. All together.
Whether its 04:30 alarm clocks and getting to the gym or CrossFit, starting a new hobby or business, following you dreams, hopes and desires for a new year ahead or balancing work and home life to ensure your partner appreciates you as much as your boss does, everything and anything worthwhile, is uphill to quote John C. Maxwell.
In order to truly achieve success and fulfillment in life, it is important to understand that challenges and difficulties are a natural and necessary part of the journey. If something were to be easy, it would lose its value and significance, as it would no longer require effort or dedication to accomplish.
Mountain climbers
Think about it this way: if everyone were able to easily attain their goals and aspirations, what would be the point in striving for them? Without the sense of accomplishment that comes from overcoming obstacles and adversity, we would miss out on the opportunity to grow and develop as individuals. If these goals were easy, everyone would run 100m in under 10 seconds, everyone would scale Mt Everest, everyone would have their own dream company and the closest group of friends, but these things aren’t normal, not everyone goes there.
Furthermore, when we face challenges and work hard to overcome them, we are able to tap into our inner strength and resilience. We learn to persevere in the face of adversity, and we become more confident in our abilities and our capacity to succeed.
In other words, it is precisely because something is difficult that it becomes worthwhile. The process of striving and struggling to achieve a goal is what gives it value, and it is what ultimately leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
So, the next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, remember that it is not meant to be easy. Embrace the difficulty and use it as an opportunity to grow and become the best version of yourself. With hard work, determination, and a positive attitude, you can overcome any obstacle and achieve your dreams. The next time you find yourself faced with a challenge, take it as a sign, that you’re on the right road and that your dreams are closer than you know, that these challenges are actually a high five from the Universe saying, keep going, keep pressing, keep leaning into the life that you have always wanted and dreamed of.
Confession time, Animation movies are my absolute best. Kung Fu Panda, Inside out, How to train your dragon and of course, Frozen.
Our household at the moment is going through Frozen 2 season. I honestly find it to be one of the most beautiful movies at the moment. Just even the simple example of how Elsa talks to the Wind, Gale, and their relationship speaks so deeply to me. (Jesus and the Spirit, the Wind, The Ruach)
A lot of it has to do with what I’m personally going through at the moment I’m sure, but I just find myself crying so often in this movie, I’ve literally seen it a 100 times by now I’m sure but the scenes in the film still get me, the music and the melodies still sneak past the dragons that guard my heart and I just weep, even tonight I had to get up from the couch cause I didn’t want the kids to see me crying, and Elzaan shouts, “Hey, you’re missing the best part, where you?”, while I try wipe and hide the tears. Yes I cry in front of my kids and yes we talk about our feelings and naming our emotions, but that’s a story for another day.
The character of Elsa in Disney’s “Frozen 2” I see as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. (I absolutely love both versions of this song, Idina is just, well Idina and then there’s Brendon, from Panic! at the disco and that’s just unreal)
Throughout the film, Elsa is faced with a series of challenges that require her to confront her own limitations and to embrace her true identity. This journey can be seen as a metaphor for the challenges we all face as we strive to understand ourselves and our place in the world.
One of the central themes of “Frozen 2” is the idea of stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it. This is exemplified in Elsa’s journey to uncover the truth about her past and to understand her true identity. Despite her fear and uncertainty, Elsa is willing to venture into the unknown and confront the challenges that stand in her way.
This willingness to embrace the unknown and to take risks is a key aspect of the journey of self-discovery. As the psychologist Jordan Peterson has pointed out, it is through facing and overcoming adversity that we are able to build resilience and strength. By stepping into the unknown and embracing the challenges that come with it, we can learn more about ourselves and discover our true potential.
In “Frozen 2,” Elsa’s journey into the unknown also serves as a metaphor for the importance of embracing our true identities. Throughout the film, Elsa struggles to understand and accept her powers as a magical ice queen. This journey of self-discovery requires her to confront the fear and insecurity that have held her back in the past and to embrace her true identity. What are some of the parts of who you are that you have just kept inside? Somewhere along the way someone told you to keep quiet and you just haven’t found your voice again. Someone laughed at the way you danced at a party and have chosen never to dance again. Somewhere along the way someone or something said we aren’t good enough and we have chosen to keep it inside, located away. But something keeps calling it out of us… We hear it. We know it. Even know as you read this, you’re thinking about that thing…
This message is particularly relevant in today’s world, where there is often pressure to conform to societal expectations and to fit into predetermined roles. It is only by embracing our true selves and stepping into the unknown that we can truly live authentically and find meaning and purpose in our lives.
The other day the kids and I went to Red Berry Farm just outside George for a little play date at the berry picking farm.
Red Berry Farm with the kids
It was a day like any other, the kids played, we ate loads of berries and drank strawberry milkshakes. Seated while watching the kids I quickly needed to run to the toilet, I ran to Daniel, said stay right where you are, I’m coming now. Ran as fast as I could to get to the toilet and was absolutely stopped in my tracks by a piece of art by a local artist, Olivia Strydom. (See below)
Art by Olivia Strydon
Everything about it just made me start tearing up. Me. On my horse. The wild open space. No idea where I am or where I’m going. Knowing that I’m gonna have to trust my Horse to get us where we going. Gotta trust that when Jesus says he will carry me, He means it. Peter gets out the boat, takes that “leap” or step of faith…
Elsa wrestles the wind at first, she wrestles the Horse, Jacob wrestled. I’m wrestling. Who am I? Where am I going? Just so much unknown.
How do I be brave and take the next step? Do the next right thing?
Bravery and taking a leap of faith are two concepts that are often closely intertwined. When we are brave, we are willing to take risks and step outside of our comfort zones. This often requires us to have faith in ourselves and in the unknown.
In the words of Brené Brown, “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” Taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and trust in something greater than ourselves.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines of life and become complacent. We might feel safe and secure in our comfort zones, but true growth and fulfillment often come from taking risks and stepping outside of our comfort zones. This is where bravery comes in.
Being brave doesn’t mean that we never feel fear. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel afraid when we are facing something new or uncertain. The difference between those who are brave and those who are not is that brave individuals choose to move forward despite their fear. They understand that fear is a natural and necessary part of the growth process.
There are many ways that we can be brave and take a leap of faith in our lives. It might be as simple as saying yes to an invitation to try something new or speaking up in a difficult conversation. It could also be something bigger, like quitting a job that no longer brings us joy or moving to a new city.
No matter what form it takes, being brave and taking a leap of faith requires us to let go of our fear and embrace the unknown. It’s not an easy process, and it requires vulnerability and courage.
But the rewards of being brave and taking a leap of faith are well worth it. When we are brave, we open ourselves up to new experiences, opportunities, and growth. We also model bravery for others, which can inspire them to take their own leaps of faith.
It’s important to remember that taking a leap of faith doesn’t mean that everything will always work out perfectly. There will be challenges and setbacks along the way. But when we are brave and have faith in ourselves and in the process, we can learn and grow from these experiences.
So if you’re feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your life, consider taking a leap of faith and being brave. It might be scary, but it’s worth it. As Brené Brown says, “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” So don’t be afraid to take that leap and see where it takes you.
I see this whole movie as a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. Whether we are facing the challenges of everyday life or trying to understand our place in the world, it is only by embracing the unknown and taking risks that we can truly grow and develop as individuals. So let us be like Elsa and embrace the journey of self-discovery, for it is only through this journey that we can truly discover who we are and what we are capable of.
You ask anyone who has run a race, hit the gym or finished an event, you wanna do that again? They will say “absolutely”, but if you ask them, you wanna do that again right now? They’ll say, “No thanks, gotta get some rest first…”
At its most basic level, resting for an activity refers to the idea of preparing oneself for an upcoming task or challenge. This might involve physical preparation, such as stretching or warming up before a workout or game, or it might involve mental or emotional preparation, such as taking a few deep breaths before a big presentation or calming oneself before a stressful meeting. Essentially, resting for an activity is about getting ourselves ready to take on whatever lies ahead.
In contrast, resting from an activity refers to the idea of taking a break after we have completed a task or challenge. This might involve physically resting our bodies after a workout or mentally decompressing after a long day at work. Resting from an activity is about allowing ourselves time to recharge and recover, both physically and mentally, so that we can be ready to tackle the next thing that comes our way.
So why is it important to differentiate between these two forms of rest as we start 2023?
For one thing, it helps us to be more mindful of our own needs and to be more intentional about how we care for ourselves. It can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, and to push ourselves too hard without taking adequate time to rest and recharge. By recognizing the importance of both resting for an activity and resting from an activity, we can be more intentional about building rest into our lives in a way that allows us to be more resilient and better equipped to handle the challenges that come our way.
This is an idea that Brené Brown has explored in her work on vulnerability and wholehearted living. In her TED Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability,” Brown discusses the importance of cultivating a sense of belonging and connection in our lives, and how this requires us to be vulnerable and open to the ups and downs of life. But being vulnerable and open also requires us to take care of ourselves, to be mindful of our own needs and to practice self-compassion. This means taking the time to rest and recharge, both before and after the challenges that we face.
For Brown, resting is not just a matter of physical or mental recovery, but also a way to connect with ourselves and with the people around us. She writes, “Rest is not the absence of work. Rest is not the absence of striving. Rest is the presence of worth. It’s the presence of love and connection.” In other words, resting is about taking time to be present with ourselves and with others, and to recognize the inherent worth and value that we bring to the world. This requires us to be intentional about building rest into our lives, and to be mindful of when we need to rest for an activity and when we need to rest from an activity.
Here are a few ways to incorporate both resting for an activity and resting from an activity into your daily routine:
Take breaks between tasks: It’s important to allow yourself time to rest and recharge between tasks, particularly if you are working on something mentally or emotionally demanding. Taking breaks can help you to refocus and feel rejuvenated, rather than burnt out.
Get enough sleep: Sleep is crucial for both physical and mental recovery, so it’s important to prioritize getting enough sleep every night. This means establishing a regular sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and taking steps to create a sleep-friendly environment (such as keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet).
Engage in relaxation techniques: There are many different techniques that can help you to relax and recharge, such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness practices. Experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you, and make time for relaxation on a daily basis.
Connect with others: Building connections with others is an important part of wholehearted living, and it can also be an important form of rest and recharge. Whether it’s spending quality time with friends and family, joining a social group, or participating in a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking time to connect with others can be a great way to restore your sense of balance and well-being.
Prioritize self-care: Finally, it’s important to prioritize self-care in your daily routine. This might mean setting aside time for a hobby or activity that you enjoy, taking a relaxing bath or shower, or indulging in a favorite treat. Whatever it is that helps you to feel cared for and nourished, make sure to make time for it in your schedule.
Balance is so important in all of the ideas above, find your rhythm, find your pace, rest for and rest from various activities. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can be more intentional about resting for an activity and resting from an activity, and build more resilience and well-being into your life. Remember, rest is not just about physical or mental recovery, but also about cultivating a sense of connection and worth, and taking time to be present with yourself and those around you. By taking the time to rest, you can better prepare yourself for the challenges ahead and live a more wholehearted and fulfilling life.
A few days ago I was up early and a cold misty morning at Sardinia Bay was not the most auspicious of starts, but as I wrapped my red KWAY Jacket around me and trudged up the sandy dune (LOL if you know exactly what I mean), the sand was cold and the mist was thick. Even made it hard to see as the air was so moist… Can see more here about Sards.
I ran down the dune to get my feet warm and hit the water and it was freezing cold and so I just followed the shore and kept walking. Calm, windless, misty Sards. I made my way about 500 down the beach and just surround by mist, I saw these 3 Dark Horses in the distance. So I continued my way down the beach and got a very flat section of the ocean, a pond like, very flat swimming pool if you will. Ice cold water and perfect for a morning swim.
As they approached the shore, the group of horses standing at the water’s edge didn’t move, their dark coats glistening with the morning dew. They were majestic creatures, with powerful muscles rippling beneath their skin and eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul. They just have so much presence and I was so nervous that I had interrupted their walk, that I was getting in the way somehow. So I asked one of the jockeys if everything is ok, if I should move or leave “their space”, if they wanna get in the water.
And she gently replied, “No please, them seeing you in the water is giving them the courage to consider getting in the water, as they never want to walk in water, ever. So this is amazing. Thank you.
So I asked nervously if I may approach the horses and she said I could…
I approached cautiously, not wanting to startle them, but as I drew near, one of the horses turned its head towards me and let out a soft whinny. I couldn’t help but smile at the greeting, and I reached out a hand to stroke the horse’s nose. To my surprise, the horse nuzzled my hand and I let out a contented sigh. I couldn’t believe it – these wild creatures seemed almost tame, as if they were waiting for me to arrive. (I know that sounds ridiculous…)
I spent the next 10 minutes walking with with the horses, marveling at their beauty and grace as they walked gently in the shallow water, almost to my knees at times. I had never felt such a strong connection with an animal before, and I knew that this was a moment I would always treasure. I felt Gale (more about that later and my YouTube channel coming soon) Story time with Dean and Gale, say, Dean if you’re brave enough, you will give other people the courage and bravery to also step into cold situations and take some risks for their dreams. And that’s all I hope to do here… Light a fire in your bones.
And then almost instantly, the jockey gestured to her friends and the horses turned around and they said good bye, and then I was alone, with what felt like the most Holy Moment just before sunrise… I quickly whipped of my clothes and dived into the freezing water, Goodness me what a wake up. Best. Feeling. Ever.
As I turned to head back home, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe and wonder at the magic of the natural world. It was moments like these that made me believe that there was still so much out there waiting to be discovered, and that life was full of endless possibilities. I realised then that goodness me I long for the wild, I long for the cold on my skin, I longed for the insecurity and unpredictability that the weather and the wild could produce.
As humans, we are hardwired to seek security and predictability. It’s a natural instinct that helps us feel safe and grounded in a rapidly changing world. But sometimes, following our dreams requires us to make scary, insecure decisions that challenge the status quo and push us out of our comfort zone. (And sometimes we need someone to show us that some things are possible…)
For many of us, the thought of taking a risk and stepping into the unknown is downright terrifying. We worry about failing, making mistakes, or being judged by others, the fear that maybe the water is too cold and I don’t know what I could find in the depths? These fears can hold us back and prevent us from pursuing our passions and living the lives we truly want.
But as Brene Brown says, “the only way to get to the other side of fear is to walk through it.” In other words, the only way to achieve our dreams is to embrace the fear and uncertainty that comes with making bold moves.
This doesn’t mean that we should blindly charge ahead into the open seas and hope for the best without considering the potential consequences. (I think of Frozen 2 here) It’s important to carefully weigh the pros and cons and make informed decisions. But it does mean that we should be willing to take calculated risks and embrace the potential for failure as part of the journey.
Making scary, insecure decisions can also be an opportunity for growth and learning. When we face challenges and setbacks, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and come back stronger. These experiences can help us develop resilience and build the courage to take on even bigger challenges in the future. one small step into the water turns into an open water swim turns into an icy swim in the arctic circle. My prayer is that your dreams would frighten and awaken you to your core.
But perhaps most importantly, making scary, insecure decisions allows us to live authentically and follow our hearts. It’s easy to get caught up in the expectations of others or the societal norms of what we “should” be doing. But when we make the brave choice to pursue our dreams, we are able to live a life that is true to ourselves and fulfill our unique purpose.
At 19 I started to play the guitar for our little local youth ministry in Benoni. (Yes I have photos and no I won’t share them, LOL) And I recall the bravery I summoned to perform for a small audience of like 20, even though it took a million wrong notes to find the right melody and key. I remember the insecure steps I took to my first job interview as I tried to impress the boss with all the “right” words”. I remember the strength I had to pull out of my self when I had to stand for something I believed in and no one stood up with me, leaving me without a job, but standing up for what I believe was right. I even remember the insecure teenager who knelt on his girlfriends kitchen floor and asked her to marry him.
Now, we seek clarity and stability, but the truth is they aren’t real. You know this to be true with in yourself.
So if you’re feeling scared or uncertain about making a big decision, remember that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s a natural part of the process. But don’t let your fear hold you back from chasing your dreams. Embrace the insecurity and take that first step towards making your dreams a reality. You never know where it might lead you…
I’ll come with a couple lines from my favourite band, Switchfoot. (Thanks Jon)
We found a way out The city takes everything it can But outside the crowds I can feel my lungs again
Born for the blue skies We’ll survive the rain Born for the sunrise We’ll survive the pain
Holding space for someone and giving someone space are two distinct concepts that are often conflated or used interchangeably, but they have significant differences in their meanings and implications on relationships. Here I want to explore these ideas like one would a forest, slowly and gently, watching where we step as to try and see the difference between these two terms and how they can be used effectively in our relationships and communication.
Holding Space VS Giving Space
First, let’s define each term. “Holding space” refers to the act of being present with someone in a non-judgmental and supportive way, without trying to fix or change their experience or emotions. (Men I know this seems impossible and that we want to FIX FIX FIX). It involves actively listening, offering empathy and understanding, and providing a safe and caring environment for the other person to process their feelings and thoughts. “Giving someone space,” on the other hand, means allowing that person the physical or emotional distance they need to deal with their own issues or feelings without interference or pressure. It can involve taking a step back and allowing the other person to have some solitude, or it can mean giving them the time and freedom to work through their emotions on their own. For some, this can be a very lonely and isolating experience. This is why it is so key for us to understand and see the difference in approaches here.
Now that we have a basic understanding of the two concepts, let’s explore the differences between them in more detail.
One key difference between holding space
One key difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement. When you hold space for someone, you are actively present and engaged with that person, offering support and understanding as they navigate their emotions. You are not trying to solve their problems or fix their feelings, but rather you are simply there to be a supportive and caring presence. THATS IT. On the other hand, when you give someone space, you are taking a step back and allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues. You may still be available for support and communication, sending message every once in a while, but you are not as actively involved in their emotional process.
Another difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of emotional connection and intimacy. Holding space for someone involves creating a deep and meaningful connection with that person, where you are able to offer genuine empathy and understanding. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be emotionally open and present with the other person. Giving someone space, on the other hand, involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to deal with their own emotions without interference. It may involve less emotional intimacy and connection, as you are not as actively involved in their emotional process. Here it is also important to take note of whether someone said “they need space” or if you have decided to just “give them space”…
Finally, the timing and context of holding space and giving someone space can also be different. Holding space is typically done in the moment, as a way of being present and supportive with someone who is struggling or dealing with difficult emotions. It is often used as a way of offering comfort and support in the face of adversity or crisis. Giving someone space, on the other hand, may be more appropriate in situations where the other person needs some time and distance to work through their own issues or emotions. It may involve taking a step back and allowing the other person some solitude (loneliness and solitude are two things not to be confused) or independence, in order to give them the time and space they need to process their feelings. (Once again, depending on who initiated which course of action).
The place of EMPATHY and VULNERABILITY…
In friendships, empathy and vulnerability are key ingredients that help to foster deep and meaningful connections. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level by putting ourselves in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Vulnerability, on the other hand, involves being open and authentic with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences even when it may be difficult or uncomfortable.
Both empathy and vulnerability are essential for building and maintaining strong and healthy friendships. Without empathy, it can be difficult to fully understand and support our friends, and we may struggle to connect with them on a deeper level. Without vulnerability, we may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing our true selves with others, which can prevent us from building meaningful and authentic relationships.
By cultivating empathy and vulnerability in our friendships, we can create safe and supportive environments where we can be honest and open with each other, and where we can offer genuine support and understanding to those we care about. Whether we are dealing with joy or sadness, success or failure, by embracing empathy and vulnerability, we can create friendships that are based on genuine connection and support.
So, for me coming out of some dark places and having to fight some memories that have turned into monsters, I really hope this distinction helps someone. I think the main difference between holding space and giving someone space is the level of involvement and engagement, the level of emotional connection and intimacy, and the timing and context in which they are used. Holding space involves being present and engaged with someone in a supportive and caring way, while giving someone space involves allowing that person the freedom and independence to work through their own issues and emotions. Both can be valuable and important in different situations, and understanding the distinction between them can help us navigate relationships and communication more effectively.
If 2020 taught us anything, is that New Years Resolutions and plans can go sideways very quickly, and that’s putting it lightly (Insert your 20 examples and reason why here…)
BUT!
As the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” When it comes to achieving our long term goals, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we need to take giant leaps in order to make progress. However, the reality is that consistent, daily action is what ultimately leads to success.
In this blogpost, we’ll explore six tips or ideas for keeping focus on your long term goals and taking consistent action towards achieving them on a daily basis. By following these guidelines, I hope that you can stay motivated and on track, no matter how big or challenging your goals may be. The bigger the better they say, or if your dreams don’t scare the hell out of you, they probably not big enough…
Clearly define your goals.
The first step to working on your long term goals on a daily basis is to clearly define what they are. What do you want to achieve in the long run? Be specific, and make sure your goals are measurable and achievable.
For example, instead of setting a goal to “lose weight,” set a specific goal to “lose 10 KG’s in the next six months.” or “deadlift 200kg by Christmas” (wink). This gives you a clear target to work towards, and allows you to track your progress along the way.
Break your goals down into smaller, actionable steps.
Once you have a clear understanding of your long term goals, it’s important to break them down into smaller, actionable steps. This will help you to see the progress you’re making and stay motivated as you work towards your ultimate objective.
For example, if your goal is to save R10,000 month for a down payment on a house, consider setting a monthly savings goal and tracking your progress. Or, if your goal is to become a published author, consider setting a daily writing goal and working towards it consistently. Every training session for a marathon starts with a few steps. A 5k turns into a 10k and a 10k turns into a half marathon…
Set daily, weekly, and monthly targets.
In addition to breaking down your long term goals into smaller steps, it can also be helpful to set daily, weekly, and monthly targets. This will help you to stay focused and motivated as you work towards your larger objectives.
For example, if your long term goal is to run a marathon, consider setting a daily running goal and tracking your progress. Or, if your goal is to learn a new skill, consider setting a weekly practice goal and working towards it consistently.
I like to break these goals into 2 weeks, 6 weeks and 3 months trackable ideas. (see no. 4)
Track your progress and adjust your strategy as needed.
As you work towards your long term goals, it’s important to track your progress and adjust your strategy as needed. This will help you to stay on track and make necessary course corrections as you go.
For example, if you’re trying to save money for that house, consider using a budgeting app or spreadsheet to track your spending and see where you can cut back. Or, if you’re working towards a fitness goal, consider using a fitness tracker or app to monitor your progress and make any necessary adjustments to your exercise routine.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people.
Achieving our long term goals can be a challenging and lonely journey at times. That’s why it’s so important to surround ourselves with supportive people who will encourage and motivate us as we work towards our objectives.
Seek out friends, family members, or even a professional coach or mentor who can offer guidance and support as you work towards your long term goals. Having a strong support system can make all the difference when it comes to staying motivated and on track. Get a financial planner to help or get a gym partner who you know is waiting for you at gym at 05:00 to get yourself out of bed… Nothing worse than missing gym and having your gym partner have to fly solo…
Keep a positive attitude and focus on progress, not perfection.
As you work towards your long term goals, remind yourself that no plan is perfect, and that no road trip goes exactly according to plan. But on the road trip, keep your eyes on the road and allow yourself to take in the beauty that is on the road, don’t be afraid to stop for a minute and take a photo of the mountains you’re driving past on the way to your desired destination.
One step closer is one step closer. That’s all. Today, take another step. Tomorrow, try take a few more.
Hopefully these six simple ideas assist you in making 2024 a Good Year for you and your loved ones.
It was a beautiful autumn morning and Professor Elizabeth was standing at the front of her classroom, preparing to give her lecture on literary story telling. As she scanned the faces of her students, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement. She loved teaching and there was nothing quite like the thrill of introducing her students to new ideas and helping them to develop their critical thinking story telling skills.
“Good morning, everyone,” Professor Elizabeth began. “Today, we’re going to be discussing the theme of love in literature. I want you to think about why certain characters love one another and what that love represents. To help you get started, I’m going to ask you to write a 500-word essay on the topic of Jack loves Jill.“
There was a murmur of excitement and confusion among the students as they grabbed their pens and notebooks, ready to take notes. Professor Elizabeth could see the wheels turning in their heads as they tried to come up with ideas for their essays.
“Now, I know this may seem like a daunting task at first,” Professor Elizabeth continued. “But I have complete confidence in all of you. I want you to really think about why Jack loves Jill. Is it because of her physical appearance? Is it because of her personality? Is it because of the way she makes him feel? Or is it something deeper, something that goes beyond the surface level? These are the kinds of questions I want you to explore in your essays.”
Professor Elizabeth paused for a moment to let her words sink in before continuing. “I know that some of you may be struggling to come up with ideas for your essays. So, to help you get started, I’m going to give you a few prompts to consider. First, consider the ways in which Jack and Jill’s relationship has evolved over time. Have they always been in love, or did their love grow over time? Second, think about the challenges that Jack and Jill have faced in their relationship and how they’ve overcome them. And finally, consider the role that outside influences, such as friends or family, have played in Jack and Jill’s relationship.”
As Professor Elizabeth spoke, her students scribbled furiously in their notebooks, taking down every word she said. She could see the excitement and determination in their eyes, and it filled her with a sense of pride. She loved watching her students grow and learn, and she knew that this assignment would be a great opportunity for them to do just that.
“I want you to take some time to think about your essays and come up with a solid outline before you start writing,” Professor Elizabeth concluded. “And remember, don’t be afraid to be creative and think outside the box. The most interesting essays are often the ones that take a unique perspective on the topic at hand. I can’t wait to read your finished essays and see what you all come up with. I want them on my desk first thing tomorrow morning…”
With that, Professor Elizabeth dismissed her class, and the students filed out of the room, buzzing with excitement and ideas for their essays. As she gathered her things and prepared to head home for the day, Professor Elizabeth couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. She knew that this assignment was going to be a challenging and rewarding one for her students, and she couldn’t wait to see what they came up with.
The next morning student after student, came in handing paper after paper until Steven came walking slowly to the Professors desk. With most of the class seated, Steven slowly approached her desk…
“Sorry to bother you Prof” Steven said in a gentle yet confident voice, “I know you said 500 words and this may be a little more”, and simply handed her a photograph, “but here is why Jack loves Jill…”
